Story opening woes

[Caged Maiden]

I guess I don't really have a question, just a little situation over which I need to vent. I wonder who else around here is in a similar boat and whether there's a clear solution that could get us un-sunk?

My story opens with a woman climbing a cathedral's wall to gain access to the religious leader's office. She intends to kill him. One would think with action opening the story, it would be interesting, but I fear the opening is anything but interesting. I've struggled with this opening for some time and have done three full rewrites of it, but I just can't get a solid grip on what I think is a winner. I've added details for clarity---then cut them for brevity. I've brought in the microscope and focused on the character--and recently pulled way back and used a narrator voice for the opening paragraph.

Why is this so freaking difficult?

Am I over-complicating things for myself by showing the events that start off the whole book (this scene happens two years before the book)? Two main events happen and I'm just not sure I'm getting anything across clearly. The first event is that the woman recently came back to town and the religious leader found out about it and then her son died in a tragic accident. She KNOWS the cleric had something to do with it. The second event is a young man coming to see the cleric (she overhears their conversation) and asks about why his friend died in a heresy trial in another city (one the cleric should have been able to stop). After that conversation plays out (over a couple double-spaced pages, so not too brief but not too detailed), the young man leaves and the woman can't find the cleric again. She received what she thinks is a divine message, and she follows the young man, forging a partnership that is the basis for the rest of the novel.

Now, in my mind, those events aren't fluff, they aren't written elaborately except for a few places where I inserted character voice and feeling, and stepping back, I'd say that was a compelling chain of events. But I can't get it to work. I mean, it doesn't feel as strong as I'd like it to be, and I'm struggling to get in a balance that not only allows readers to understand what the premise of the story is (social reform and the downfall of a corrupt cleric), but also not bog down the tale with erroneous detail and explaining.

Are any of you scribes really good at openings? I need some help. This first chapter is split into three parts. The first, I mentioned above. The second scene is 20 months later when the woman is in a different place in life. She's hired a chemist and his mercenary brother to concoct a sort of truth serum that will get the cleric to confess his crimes, and she's asked the mercenary to take a message to a priestess in hopes that with the priestess' help, they'll be able to spring her former lover and partner from years past, from prison. The third scene is another POV, a young girl who is in a sticky situation out in the countryside. Of the three scenes, readers have connected best with the last one and I can't for the life of me understand how a little romantic interlude and getting yelled at by her father is more compelling than the spy games and seriousness of the first two. Any advice? TO me, the more compelling scenes are causing confusion for readers, btu they're by far the more critical to understand. The third scene is simply an introduction to a character who will be a major POV throughout the novel, who has a front-row seat when the plot unfolds.

 

[fantastic]

I assume your problem is not writing the beginning scene where she climbs the cathedral. Most likely, you are finding it hard, how to suddenly skip to another time.

In my own story, I have a similar situation. It starts at one point in time, skips a few years, then again skips a few years. I decided that I would not begin at the beginning. At least not for now but I am not sure. I intend to begin at the point i planned to make after first time skip. That makes only one time skip. The rest I might tell through flashbacks or in a way that readers can find out about what happened.

As for the time skip, I am writing story with more than one main character, so I intend to show each other. When point of view returns to the first one, time will pass.

 

[Epaminondas]

Hmm... Well, obviously I haven't actually read the scene but it sounds like it should have enough tension. It sounds to me like the tension comes from the moment when she's come this far to kill this guy, she's just getting ready to do so (perhaps this is a good time to get into why... then suddenly she is interrupted just before getting the chance (when the other character comes in). Clearly something has to happen in this conversation that gives her new information or else why would she abandon her original plan to make the kill now? The tension coming from the choice she has to make... do I kill him now in a fit of vengeance or let the guy who killed my son walk? Will I ever get another chance if I let him go? Is there a larger victory that can be had from doing so?

Am I on the right track as to what you're going for?
On a side note: If its two years in the past; to me that just screams prologue.

Edit: Oops, sorry I missed the line about not being able to find the cleric after the conversation and the divine message.... Depending on the the content of the divine message; I think my advice would still be the same though. I'd rather see her actively decide to walk away rather than just miss her chance. If the other character gives information that she didn't know then perhaps she follows him to try to find out what else he knows.

Anyway, may be way off but I hope it helps.

 

[Caged Maiden]

I think the hardest part is the amount of time I've put into this opening, and to know that it's still not as strong as it needs to be. I've got the knowledge to accomplish a spectacular story, but this one is eluding me in the worst way. It's that damn balance problem of explaining what's going on in a way that entertains the reader while supplying information. I'm going to keep at it, but I'm frustrated enough to punch my screen right now.

 

[Caged Maiden]

Hmm... Well, obviously I haven't actually read the scene but it sounds like it should have enough tension. It sounds to me like the tension comes from the moment when she's come this far to kill this guy, she's just getting ready to do so (perhaps this is a good time to get into why... then suddenly she is interrupted just before getting the chance (when the other character comes in). Clearly something has to happen in this conversation that gives her new information or else why would she abandon her original plan to make the kill now? The tension coming from the choice she has to make... do I kill him now in a fit of vengeance or let the guy who killed my son walk? Will I ever get another chance if I let him go? Is there a larger victory that can be had from doing so?

Am I on the right track as to what you're going for?
On a side note: If its two years in the past; to me that just screams prologue.

You're so on the right track, that's exactly what i have going on in the scene, but readers have told me they're not feeling it. Problem is, I'm not sure what else to do because on paper, it looks like it's as good as I can make it. Frustrating. You've basically described exactly what i have...so why isn't it resonating with a reader? HA! What a conundrum.

 

[BWFoster78]

You're so on the right track, that's exactly what i have going on in the scene, but readers have told me they're not feeling it. Problem is, I'm not sure what else to do because on paper, it looks like it's as good as I can make it. Frustrating. You've basically described exactly what i have...so why isn't it resonating with a reader? HA! What a conundrum.

I'm in a similar situation, and I've chosen to completely ditch the first several paragraphs for an entirely new scene. I understand your frustration, though. I've rewritten those paragraphs dozens of times, and I feel they're better for the story than the scene I'm substituting. In the end, though, my skill level just doesn't seem up to the task.

 

[Caged Maiden]

Thank you Brian. I know we're in a similar situation. I just can't seem to put my finger on why this isn't working for readers. Maybe it's time for the showcase.

The thing is, I've adjusted it based on comments and feedback so many times. Sometimes I add for clarity, sometimes I cut for pacing. I just haven't seemed to hit on a winning combination. The thing is, I recently read The Lies of Locke Lamora and the tone of that novel is what I've been trying to accomplish with my own book for over a year, but where TLoLL has a pretty memorable opening--too cool for me to replicate--I need to find a way to understand what details readers want to know and what they'd prefer me wait to mention until later. Some readers want a clear picture of the immediate circumstance (understand WHY she's trying to kill him--spelled out, not hinted at, and they want to know about the interaction and conversation between the cleric and lawyer, but I've heard from a few folks that they want clarity and others want a brief mention and not to slow the pacing for the sake of explaining). HOW can I accomplish both or is this simply a "how do I like it" question? Any advice on that? Some readers want more, others want less, but i'm torn between which is the better option because I FEEL STRONGLY there must be a middle ground that will work for most readers.

 

[Caged Maiden]

I just want to invite you all to view this chapter. I had to trim a couple lines to get it to fit in my portfolio, but this is pretty much how it stands--the best I can do. http://mythicscribes.com/forums/portfolios/caged-maiden/309-written-red-chapter-1-edited.html

PLEASE, let me know what you think. Is it tense or just flat? Is there enough character voice or is it static? i've tried so hard to not have too much information but to set up the main conflict of this novel (the corrupt cleric and the people who want to take him down publicly). I just can't fathom why the third section resonates so much more with readers than the first two, but I need desperately to understand if there is a critical flaw in this opening. THANK YOU!!!!

 

[ThinkerX]

Caged, I would suggest the same thing for you that I did for Brian: submit your opening to 'Flogging the Quill' and see what others think.

 

[Caged Maiden]

not a bad idea. I considered submitting to Immerse or Die, but you need to be published for him to read it. i'm not sure what Flogging the Quill is, but I certainly need something, because I can't objectively look at this anymore. Maybe it's good and the few confused readers aren't my target audience? I realize I may run into that with a story that closely resembles the TV show Borgias. It isn't a pick it up and read kinda thing, you kinda gotta get into the characters. That being said, I'm not sure whether I've effectively given readers the lure they need to get into the characters.

 

[ThinkerX]

Caged:

Flogging the Quill

FTQ is pretty much a straight up vote to see if readers find your first page compelling enough to turn to the second page - first 300 words or so. Three options: Yes, No, and Almost. There are usually around two dozen votes total per entry.

Ray (site moderator) will also make some comments on the first page, frequently combined with a brutal, one pass edit.

So that you know, the vast majority of pieces submitted get 'no' votes - but at least you get an inkling where the problems are.

Brian's piece went about as well as I expected it to.

I have one in the pipeline that should appear early next week.

From what I have seen of your writing, I expect you will fair reasonably well.

 

[Caged Maiden]

wow, I'll have to try that. i'm not sure whether this work really has a page-turner opening, but I'd be willing to give it a shot. Thanks!

 

[Penpilot]

Hey CM

I totally feel your pain. I run across problems like this all the time.

I took a read through the three scenes. Full disclosure. It's a bit late where I am, so my focus isn't at 100%. But I gave it an honest go with brain cells I have functioning at this time.

I think the scenes were all well written and well designed. If this were a book I picked off a shelf in the store, the quality in the writing would earn you a couple of chapters of time to truly grab me by the collar.

For me, this is what think may be missing. In the first two scenes, the personal aspects of why she's doing what she's doing aren't front and center enough. She just lost her son. It's the reason she's there. IMHO that should be a very large shadow cast on to the first scene, and I'm not really seeing enough of that. I would think that those emotions would color the scene more.

The second scene, she's planning to spring her friend. What this person means to her isn't really felt. You want the reader to care what happens them. Since we don't really know much about him, we don't really care if she succeeds or not.

I guess part of it is knowing the stakes of failure and making them felt. And not just the obvious ones like death. For example, a quarterback who loses the Superbowl, the basic stakes are obvious. It's a personal failure. You can add a money element, where he loses as large sum of money. They're fine stakes, but they don't rip your guts out. Imagine if the quarterback thinks he let down a team-mate who's retiring and will never get another shot OR he made a guarantee to his dying grandmother that he would win for her. Now things become more personal and the stakes are emotionally heavier.

In the third scene, there's peek into the personal life. It gives the reader a bit of juicy drama to chew on between Daniela and Lorenzo, and then lets the reader in on a secret when Daniela lies about where she was. The reader gets drawn into the deception and becomes a part of the in the know club, which helps them engage with the story more. We get the feeling that if she gets caught in the deception, the price will be the relationship between Daniela and Lorenzo, what ever meaning that has. But from the affection shown, it means at least something.

Well, that's my read on things. I don't know if it's helpful at all. As I mentioned, I run into this issue a lot, and it's always a tough nut to crack. Tough enough that sometimes I'm the one that cracks. The best way I've found to approach the problem is to think about two statements and a question. They're not from any place particular, just things I came to mind while pounded my head on the keyboard. I have these written on a note card and taped above my computer.

1 - Find the honesty in the scene.

2- Find the emotional meaning of the scene.

3 -What's the scene about?

When I think about these things and how they apply to my characters and the scenes they're in, if things go well, something will just click. The answers rarely come right away. They usually come at the oddest of times, when I'm driving, when I'm showering, when I'm shopping for groceries, etc. But when they do come, I always think, "Of course. That should have been obvious."

Any way I hope some of this helps.

 

[Caged Maiden]

Wow, SOOOO helpful. You're totally right and I think hit the nail on the head. Of course, every suggestion that brings something to light has that same effect on me, so it's hard for me to confirm this is THE SINGLE problem with the first chapter, but everything you said is exactly what is happening. I totally see how this keeps the reader at arm's length for the first two scenes and then pulls them closer for the last.

I've (knowing that now) got a better idea for the second scene, but first let me ask a question about the first. I reserved the information that it was her son who died because I reveal it later. I simply want the reader to know that she's there for vengeance, but now considering that...it might be better to announce it from the beginning and let the reader know it while it unfolds to other characters. It might even increase the impact of the later reveals about why he died.

The second scene might be better put across if it's more desperate rather than calculating. I'll have to think about that. The scene was about two little bits of information--the plan to poison Marcello to get him to incriminate himself (they don't want to kill him, but I've had a hard time getting that across), and the plan to spring Vin from jail. I think the easiest way to do that one might be to increase the tension. Rather than talking about the Lucinda and her letter, maybe have Yvette a bit more frantic and she sends the note to the Lucinda in the end of the scene?

I'll have to think about it more. Thanks so much for this insight, it was just what i needed to clarify why readers don't connect as much as I want them to.

 

[goldhawk]

I just want to invite you all to view this chapter. I had to trim a couple lines to get it to fit in my portfolio, but this is pretty much how it stands--the best I can do. http://mythicscribes.com/forums/portfolios/caged-maiden/309-written-red-chapter-1-edited.html

The critical flaw is that this scene does not connect with the reader. How many of your readers have climbed the outside of a building? To engage your readers, you must get them to use their imaginations from the beginning. Here is an opening paragraph as an example:

When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.​

Right away, the readers are engaged, trying to imagine who Mr. Bilbo Baggins is, where are Bag End and Hobbiton, and just how special is this party going to be. The scene is anchored in the familiar, a party, but introduces a character and places where the readers can use their imaginations.

For your opening, you, as the author, knows what's coming but why should a reader be engaged? There is nothing in your opening that the reader can relate to. You have to give them a familiar foundation for their imaginations or they won't engage.

I don't think your opening is salvageable. There are too many unknowns for it to work. I would start in some other scene.

PS: I take that back. After some thought, it may be possible to use that scene as an opening but you would have to orient your readers first. I would use this as the opening paragraph:

When she decided to kill the Reverend Leader, Merciless Doll did not know how dangerous an assassin's lot was. Now, she wished she had never found out.​

 

[Caged Maiden]

Okay, I've done some revamping. I heard you guys say that connecting to the characters is important and I was missing the mark. I tried to put in a little of that, since I didn't mention the dead son the first time (trying to build that up a little before opening it wide) and I didn't connect Yvette and Vincenzo (because I just didn't, but I hope I've fixed it now so readers get why she wants to spring him in the second part):


I mention the son here on the first page:

In a republic run by wealthy families, names held power. That name held power for another reason. After six years in hiding, returning to Kanassa had been a mistake. She realized it the first time she heard the name again–even before Marcello killed her son.

And here on the next:

What might have been a simple task for a trained killer was looking impossible for an old woman bent on avenging the boy she’d left in the priesthood.

I am hesitant to mention the word assassin because I actually scored a rejection from an agent because they mistook Merciless Doll for an assassin and said strong female leads as assassins felt tedious...so while I like the thought, I am shying away from the word because of that.

I think that's all I changed of the beginning, but I made thorough edits of the second scene. Will you let me know whether this helps with the motivation part of why this section doesn't connect? If it doesn't help, is it now more convoluted or explain-ey than the first time?:

Twenty months later

Freedomday, Horn Moon 28

Yvette toyed with a ring on her left hand, a sense of doom she couldn’t shake hanging over her while she spun the ruby face up on her finger. Vincenzo was in prison and his execution date had been set. For all their history–the love they’d shared more than a decade earlier, and their most recent disagreement that led to his imprisonment–Yvette couldn’t turn her back on him. She never had and she never would, though the temptation presented itself in very convincing internal dialogues.

Laughter and muffled voices seeped up the stairs, blending with a woman’s singing and gentle lute notes in a nearby room. Saffron-colored silk curtains at the balcony egress shifted slightly, telling Yvette she was no longer alone.

Sweat and dusty leather heralded the intruder, announcing his identity before he’d even made a sound. “What’s happened to your manners, Thorne?” Yvette’s raspy voice cut the sweet music like a dull knife put to warm bread.

“My apologies.” His accent, normally well concealed, revealed itself in small ways. “I’ll remember to knock on the glass next time.” Yvette found it endearing, the throaty beginning of remember and the way he pronounced the as ze.

He hovered awkwardly, perhaps awaiting a warmer welcome. Yvette swept a veil around her shoulders, pinning it neatly in graying auburn tresses. Rising from a pink cushion, she said, “You could try entering through the door, since it’s open.”

Thorne’s blonde curls and angular features might have weakened her composure years earlier, but Yvette was no simpering girl pining over the handsome young men who flooded the streets of Kanassa’s Sporting District after dark. New to her crew, Thorne and his older brother, Laich, the chemist she’d hired to undertake a special task, were still learning the ropes. They might have promising careers if they didn’t stupidly get themselves killed. Time would tell.

Selecting a mid-priced bottle of wine from a cupboard, she gestured to the table, indicating Thorne should join her. He took a seat upon rose-scented cushions and splayed his knees, getting comfortable while Yvette worked with the corkscrew. She took a swig and tapped a fingernail on the glass, waiting for him to speak first.

He set a piece of paper on the table. Red and blue ink lettering edged the page in a nonsensical pattern–a note scrawled in haste, rather than carefully written. “I just fetched this from the prayer wall. He hangs in a week. I suppose you’ll have a plan in motion already....”

Clever as he was handsome, it was a shame Thorne hadn’t come sooner, been of Yvette’s generation. They might have run Kanassa together.

“Of course I have a plan,” Yvette barked. The way Thorne nonchalantly draped his arm over the back of the chair irked her more than his insinuation that she might have to scramble to spring her wayward partner from a prison cell. “Don’t you think I know what’s at stake?”

“I think you risk a lot for a man who calls you ‘doll’ instead of using your name, and got thrown in prison for trying to murder a priest. He’s a disrespectful rogue with his own agenda.”

Yvette kept her stern gaze on Thorne, unsure whether to chastise him for his audacity or agree enthusiastically with his apt assessment of her long-time friend. Vincenzo made life difficult sometimes. She crumpled the paper and tossed it across the room. “I’ll handle Vincenzo; you just keep me updated on your brother’s progress. It’s been weeks since he’s had good news for me and I’m running out of time. Marcello’s conscience is broken like a window–all the more dangerous in its current state of shards than it ever was intact. He’ll never confess his crimes unless we find a way to force him. No threat will loosen his lips, so I need Laich to come through with his poison.”

“Laich’s chalkboard is full of scribbled notes and his room stinks. He’s grown tired of my help because I can’t decipher his alchemy babble. Evidently truth serums aren’t simple to craft.”

“Whatever it takes, but I don’t want him consulting. One of my partners is in prison and the other is desperate to keep his involvement concealed. This secret is between you, Laich, and me. If we’re going to have a chance of getting that concoction into Marcello, we need to make sure no one knows it’s coming.”

Thorne’s left eye narrowed almost imperceptibly. “You think there’s a snitch?”

Yvette paused, attempting to conceal just how strongly she worried about the matter. “I always think there’s a snitch. The fewer people who know about something, the better. Haven’t you ever heard the saying?” She moved behind him, her hands gently stroking across his broad shoulders while she whispered in his ear. “Three can keep a secret if two are dead.”

“That doesn’t bode well for me and Laich, does it?”

She took her hands off him. His cynical jest reminded her how much they stood to gain–or lose. She couldn’t afford to scare him away–with Vincenzo locked up, she was feeling isolated. Thorne, dumb as he could be sometimes, had become a makeshift asset in the past two months. “Once the treason is exposed, Marcello will be in prison. The doge will have to change the sacrosanctity law that allows corruption to run rampant in the Church.”

Thorne gestured with a nod of his head toward the rolled up paper on the floor. “I just came to give you that and see whether you had a letter for me to return to the wall.”

“Actually, I have a message for you to deliver in person.” She took a swig and offered the bottle to him while she opened her vanity drawer. “I’d like you to go to the Divine Temple. Meet with the Lucinda, Cassandra. Give her this.” She held out a silver amulet with an indented circle on one side, tarnished and dark–the new moon. On the other side was an old woman with a kerchief and cane.

“A divine pendant depicting the Crone?”

“She’ll know what it means.” Yvette placed the pendant on the table. “I’m calling in a favor. Tell her I need Vincenzo out of prison before his execution.”

“And I should just say it like that? Hello priestess, I need you to free a convicted murderer...”

“Vincenzo didn’t murder Vescovo Vioni...he simply tried to.” Yvette gripped the table with her nails. “She’ll probably name a price. Whatever she says, tell her I’ll consider it–if she gets to him before the hangman does.”

He grumbled something in his native language and shook his head. Slapping a palm over the pendent, he dragged it over and stuffed it in a pocket. “I’ll go tonight, after the services are finished for the day. The gods already disfavor me.”

After Thorne left, Yvette gulped down a quarter of the bottle and headed behind her privacy screen to change clothes. In a threadbare dressing gown, more fit for a senility home than a brothel, she sat on her bead-fringed window seat, watching traffic below. The Lucinda, high priestess of the Order of Divines, was about to free a man who once swore fealty to Marcello, but broke his word to save Yvette’s life.

If Marcello suspected the betrayal, he would use his position to forgo a trial and burn the priestess as a heretic. It wasn’t as though Yvette had anything personally against Cassandra, except the fanatical followers of the divines were scantly easier to tolerate than the power-hungry Radan clergymen. Still, helping Vincenzo would mean the end of Cassandra’s priestesshood.

Muddy ruts in the road filled with flurries, a late spring snowfall. The year steadily trickled by and Rada’s holy day approached. The fates of Kanassa’s citizens would be determined with His Holiness’ impending visit from his seat of power in the city of Edri.

“To youth,” Yvette said, raising her bottle. “At least they donâ™t leave withered corpses.” She forced an awkward laugh, finding little humor in her toast. She would have cut off her right arm to go back twenty years, to a time when the world seemed full of hope and wonder, before corruption spread like a disease through the churches, institutions, and government of Kanassa. The young were blissfully ignorant of the strife mounting all around them and Yvette would have paid any price to join them.

*

 

[Penpilot]

I think the new version of scene two works a lot better. I definitely get the feeling of what Vincenzo means to Yvette. I think I have solid of a grasp of what's going, so I don't think it's too convoluted.

There are a few spots where the info revealed feels like it's too much at once and where things could be tightened back up a bit. For example this part. "the love they’d shared more than a decade earlier, and their most recent disagreement that led to his imprisonment" I think it's all relevant to the situation, but it's fed to the reader all at once. I think it would be more effective to shorten this, and what ever gets left out, drop that bit of info in later in the scene.

Again, the scene works a lot better at getting the emotions out there.

 

[Miskatonic]

When it comes to movie scripts as an example I always read the same kind of advice "you have to grab the audience's attention in the first few minutes", as if the movie is going to tank if you don't.

Do you feel it's a must to create a memorable opening sequence?

 

[Caged Maiden]

Wow, I've just read so many books without memorable openings, I'm unsure how to answer that. Is it possible what's memorable for one reader isn't for another?

@ Penpilot, I haven't edited, so I'll take note of that and thanks for pinpointing a couple of the weak areas.

As far as book openings (because I wasn't trying to debate the best (as in method, not "given this particular example and how to make it strong as it can be) way to do it or even whether there is a best way), I've seen a lot of book openings ranging from the "Once, the land was peaceful, but that all changed when the elves came back" prologues, to the unnamed protagonist awakening on a battlefield disoriented and you don't know who he is or what he's doing. I've also read joke openings that I haven't gotten until later when I understood the world more. I've seen a fair amount of "soft" openings where contemplation is more important than action. I don't necessarily think there's a wrong way in theory, but I can certainly see how certain openings haven't resonated with me, and conclude they must resonate with other readers.

I guess when I look at this particular work, I can either open with the more successful third section and leave all the other information out, or I can use a prominent omniscient narrator to basically tell all the information I want a reader to glean from these two scenes. Perhaps those two ideas hold merit, though I prefer to work with what I've got because the book used to open with just Daniela and I don't think it helped the story to omit the societal aspect of the story (since the main goal of the story is social reform) and that just opens a new can of worms--why not strike the whole social story and just make it a cute romance story, because that would probably sell). I've often wondered why people start their stories where they do, but my reasoning on this one is to show the moment this woman joined up with a smart lawyer in grief, and together, they concoct an elaborate plan to root out corruption from the church. The thing is, that concept is really important because I don't reveal a lot of those issues for about half the book. The second scene is supposed to be more immediate, showing some action and decision-making.

Now, I'm not sure how successful it is as it stands, or even whether it can be improved upon (maybe it's just a stinky concept and so fundamentally flawed), but I feel strongly about establishing that this is a turning point in the fate of the city, so want to show it because the rest of the story is a direct result of that moment. Is that a weak reason for opening here? If this isn't working, is it the concept or the execution that's lacking? Sometimes I feel like good books (that I really enjoyed) have a bit of a slow run-up. If this opening sort of sets a tone for the deeper issues of the story, is it okay if it isn't full of action?

 

[Miskatonic]

I have an occult detective concept I brainstormed and set aside that basically starts out with everything being absolutely placid and then all hell breaking loose all of a sudden, then jumping forward a day to the lazy MC sleeping on a couch and not waking up till 3 in the afternoon in his mess of a hotel suite, and then introducing his daily routine to give an idea of what a lazy, unambitious slacker he is.

So it goes from something extreme right into something mundane and ordinary.

I definitely know what you mean about the "once the land was peaceful..." type openings that are just snore-fests most of the time and just annoying the reader until they get to something good.