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Stuck on Gnome story would like suggestions please

Discussion in 'Writing Discussions' started by Starrynight, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. Starrynight

    Starrynight Dreamer

    have been working on a gnome story for a while now and I am stuck on some places in the story and would like some ideas please. In this post below is a summary of the story I'm stuck on. if you need more information or detail or clarification please let me know. Or if I need to put this into a certain format for easier reading let me know what to use on it.

    I have a gnome story so far it's untitled,

    Characters: Lord Savron noble gnome protagonist, Lord Verson friend to Lord Savron, Zavaro witch antagonist, Lady Terragon former servant now a noble woman of Stars Ridge.

    ** Plot summary- Lord Savron has fallen in love with Lady Terragon after he had rescued her from a cruel man who had kept her for years as his servant. Later after disappointing her so badly after he doesn't allow her to see him. He goes to the witch Zavaro she gives him a potion that will turn him into a man for a week, though during this time he will have no voice. If after the week passes and he has not won her love he will never again be able to go back to his life as a gnome.

    Here is where I am a little stuck on this one, in the story he only has a week to be with Lady Terragon I am not sure what should happen to him at the end of the week I know it will keep him from going back to his life as a gnome. Also during the week I was thinking something should happen to him each night that passes and he has not won her love.

    What do you think should happen here in these places in the story? Please let me know your thoughts and ideas. I welcome any suggestions and ideas if you see anything that needs to be corrected lets work on it and I'll make any corrections or editing that need to be made. Tell me what things are good about it as well as things that need to be corrected. I want to learn how to make this a great story, as I think this will be a good one.

    Thank you,
  2. balthore

    balthore Scribe

    The plot line you are using sounds very much like the storyline from The Little Mermaid, so I would be a bit cautious about making things too similar to that. It does sound like the ending is going to be different, which will be interesting when it comes to how it effects the gnomes. A couple questions...

    Is Zavaro a good witch or bad witch?

    Does Zavaro have any ulterior motives for helping Lord Savron? What does the witch get out of this?

    What exactly did he do that led him down this path? From your short summery it sounds like he was the one that did something and then pushed her away by not letting her see him anymore. What makes him go to the witch for a solution to a problem he was responsible for in the first place? Wouldn't it be easier for him to just tell her he will see her again...or is there some other situation preventing that from happening?

    Just a few short thoughts.
  3. Starrynight

    Starrynight Dreamer

    Answer to your questions balthore

    In answer to your questions, Zavaro is a bad witch she is after Lord Savron as he has great powers ones that if he were with Zavaro it would make her even more powerful.

    The story itself is different than the mermaid story. No fish or signing crab. :D lol Had to have a bit of humorous fun. This I had rolling in my mind for an idea for a long time now. I thought it was time to start writing it. This is about love and magic and how two different worlds can come together and how great things can come from this unusual match.

    In the story Lady Trarragon was being chased by a cruel master whom she was escaping from after she was treated so curly. In the forest with his mental powers Lord Savorn used his powers to hide her from the masters eyes. Basically made her invisible, hiding her from the masters eyes.

    Yes you are absolutely right :) Lord Savron did push her away he did, when Terragon asked to see him he denied her request keeping to the code of the gnomes of not letting anyone see him. She was hurt and runs away after over time she had thought they had become close friends. Terragon though hurt hides a secret of her own to one she tires to use to help Lord Savron later.

    It's this disappointment he caused her that leads him to want to be with her again as he has fallen in love with her. It's this deep regret and disappointment that leads him to Zavaro whom he is lead to by her counter part whom Zavaro had turned into a lizard in a fit of rage. Little bit of a comical element there for a little comedy. He goes to the witch for magical help to be turned into a man so he can be with Terragon.

    Below is where I am stuck on this story,

    I'm stuck on happen to him after the week is up, what painful thing should happen to him each night he has not won her heart. I'm not entirely sure of the conditions of the magic only that he accepts them, knowing full well he will never be a gnome again. Possibly that at the end of the week he is caught between the two worlds forever half gnome half man. It's a thought anyway. The witch Zavaro sees that Lord Savron would be an excellent match for herself as he has great power that she can take advantage of herself.

    If you need more detail on what I was thinking please let me know and I thank you for your kind reply to my request for help on this story.

    Thank you,
  4. Dwarven Gold

    Dwarven Gold Minstrel

    With each night that passes he loses a different sense. First goes smell, then taste, then hearing, then touch, until all that's left is sight.
  5. James Chandler

    James Chandler Minstrel

    This is far too similar to The Little Mermaid. Even if you believe there are some differences, the similarity is just too hard to ignore - it will stop most readers (not to mention editors or publishers) in their tracks.

    There is another problem, though; if he cannot return to his life as a gnome, so what? He has the rest of his life to pursue Terragon as a human. If he's willing to take the potion, he is already willing to give up his life as a gnome.

    But, some of the plot leading to this point feels forced, contrived.

    It makes sense the gnomes would have such a rule to hide from humans. But, if he succeeds in earning her love and can return to being a gnome after the week, won't she still be prohibited from seeing him?

    Why would she think such a thing if she has never seen him, could never talk to him? How does she even know he helped her?

    I like the ideas you're working with, but you need to re-think the plot to close up some of the logic holes. What if the gnome discovers the girl working in the castle, falls in love with her and decides to help her escape, rather than meeting her in the middle of an escape? He recruits friends to help (lots of comedy potential there), but they are reluctant to break the keep hidden rule. This way he has already broken the stay hidden rule, now he has to deal with the consequences. Of course, the human lord is going to want his servant back... There are many different ways you can got with it. If you scramble the pieces of your story and put them back together again, I think you could have a really fun story. As it is, I'm afraid you are spending too much effort on a story only you will find interesting.
  6. Starrynight

    Starrynight Dreamer

    This is just a start of the plot an idea but this is different than the mermaid story, as I am still working on it and as I am going to give it an overhaul. The basic idea for the story appears to be a fun one. Thought some thoughts on how to make it differenet even more would be helpful.


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