The Blight Lands

[Geldor]

"Nothing grows there, nothing is living, the very air is a poisonous fume. Great chasms open up at a whim and spew out sulphorous gas... that my child is the Blight Lands!"- Merthyn

The above quote is from my novel which i have only just started, it basically sums up the blight lands.

If you could give me any feedback (positive and negative) and some tips on how to improve the concept of The Blight Lands it would be much appreciated.

 

[Saigonnus]

Seems a pretty basic idea. Seems like a highly volcanic region with minor tectonic activity most of the time. Perhaps "nothing" being there is a little much, considering the proliferation of plantlife even the harshest environments on earth, ones adapted to living in the environment. Even in places like "hell's half acre" in Wyoming (an ancient volcanic area) there are scrubby plants that cling to the volcanic rock faces. Birds, lizards and other small animals likely would find such a place hospitable, so "no life" is a bit extreme.

I would think if it's been that way for longer than a few thousand years then life would have adapted to the environment, giving you freedom to create strange critters to inhabit the land.

 

[Geldor]

Saigonnus,
Thanks for the feedback I should have made it clear that he is trying to scare child after he threatens to leave to the Blight Lands.

 

[Roc]

"Great chasms open up at a whim and spew out sulphorous gas..."

This seems really out of place, and the wording is rather odd. "Sulphorous gas blows great chasms in the land when it escapes from the earth" something along those lines would make more sense.

Also, the part where it goes "that my child is the Blight Lands!" seems way too cliche. I would probably just take that out.

You were going for a macabre, dangerous place, but I didn't really feel anything from that, and then the silly line at the end really throws a foul.

When describing something like that, especially in dialogue, try to keep the words simple, unless of course, your speaker is smart.

"Nothing grows – the air will choke you to death – sulphorous gas blows chasms in the ground." Something quick that isn't info-dumpy, I don't know. Your story.

Good luck!

 

[Ireth]

the very air is a poisonous fume.

Is it just me, or did anyone else hear this in the voice of Boromir from the LOTR movies? It's almost an exact quote from the Council of Elrond.

 

[Roc]

Is it just me, or did anyone else hear this in the voice of Boromir from the LOTR movies? It's almost an exact quote from the Council of Elrond.

We're not all Istari : P

 

[gowph3ar]

Is it just me, or did anyone else hear this in the voice of Boromir from the LOTR movies? It's almost an exact quote from the Council of Elrond.

I definitely heard it in the voice of Boromir. You better change that, it is a very iconic quote.

 

[Anders Ämting]

"Nothing grows there, nothing is living, the very air is a poisonous fume. Great chasms open up at a whim and spew out sulphorous gas... that my child is the Blight Lands!"- Merthyn

"It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly." -Boromir.

So, yeah, you might want to go for something that sounds a little bit less like Mordor.

 

[wordwalker]

Saigonnus,
Thanks for the feedback I should have made it clear that he is trying to scare child after he threatens to leave to the Blight Lands.

With this in mind, the narrative's allowed to get a bit hokey if you're careful. (And don't completely echo LOTR lines.) See the http://mythicscribes.com/forums/writing-questions/7314-praise-scene.html thread for the trick of hyping up something, as long as it's also properly Shown.

 

[Zero Angel]

I definitely heard it in the voice of Boromir. You better change that, it is a very iconic quote.

It may have been unintentional: if you are describing a volcanic wasteland, as Mordor also is, it makes sense you may do it in a similar way. Still, I feel that the only part of the quote that sounds like Tolkien, "The very air is a poisonous fume," feels awkward anyway.

Instead of telling us about it, you could always do a prologue where someone is actually in the lands. (Prologues for the win!)

 

[Saigonnus]

"It is a land of eternal damnation. None dwell there for they would be cursed to eat dirt and chew rocks. Nor could they bide the air, a choking, toxic fog that spews forth from smoking crevices. Be warned, to venture into the Blight Lands surely means death my son."

 

[Stephyn Blackwood]

How dare you steal the name for my "forbidden land" I'm only joking, this sounds pretty cool, and is really different from my idea of The Blight Lands (Gonna have to rename it now, oh well.) I like the idea of it, with the sulfurous gas and so on.