Worst 5 Movies of All Time

I've only ever seen two movies in the theater that I consider to be truly awful: Wing Commander and Godzilla (1997). Those were the only two times I actually started shouting at the screen because the characters were so stupid.

 

I can safely say I've never seen any of these–and have no intention of doing so. Well, I saw parts of Popeye and Godzilla. Part was enough. Similarly, I saw part of the War of the Worlds remake… and that was more than enough. Same with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the 2005 movie, not the 1971 musical Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory… which I liked).

I could put the new Dark Shadows movie on the list, if having only seen trailers counts–and those were damn well more than I ever want to see of that piece of tripe. Hmm… Depp makes it into two of my most despised remakes. Believe it or not, I actually like him as an actor–or at least have, in a couple cases. It's Tim Burton I blame; Depp just has the poor taste to continue working with him.

Worst movies I've actually seen all of? I rarely see movies in theaters any more, and have a pretty good notion of what I don't want to see, so I can't actually recall the "worst" I've paid to see. The ones I catch on TV, I usually turn off; the following are ones I have watched to the end. There were several I saw on MST3K, none of which I remember the names of; suffice it to say they all deserved the treatment. Apart from those:

- Plan 9 from Outer Space: Yeah, okay, that one's obvious. It really is terrible. On the other hand, since everybody already knows this, the only people who watch it do so for the comedy value–in which case it becomes a lot better. In fact, it doesn't even make IMDb's "Bottom 100" list, no doubt due to the fact that everybody already knows it's bad.

- Moontrap (1989): Also doesn't make IMDb's "Bottom 100"–I can only assume due to anonymity. The only reason I watched this to the end was morbid curiosity: I wanted to see just how much farther its death-spiral could go before it hit bottom. Answer? All the way to the credits. Honestly, this is far and away a worse movie than Plan 9 is, if for no other reason than that no one expected much of Ed Wood to begin with, so they went in knowing it wasn't going to be "good." But if you're in to cringingly bad, this one's for you. Number one proof Walter Koenig was meant to play only support roles.

- The Black Hole (1979): The only positive thing I can say about this is that Moontrap is worse. Disney does 2001… epic fail. How this one avoided IMDb's list escapes me. Probably because it mercifully escaped the memories of those who saw it. Proof that you need more than a kickin' cast (Schell, Perkins, Borgnine, McDowell, among others) to make something work.

- Excalibur (1981): I know there are people out there who love this movie. I just don't know why.

- Dune (1984): Usually, I like David Lynch's work. This was a bloody disaster. And would have remained one even if Lynch had been allowed to do the final cut, since most of my objections have to do with content, not editing. Read the book. Definitely read the book. (At worst, watch Syfy's miniseries Frank Herbert's Dune… which was a good version. Book's still better.)

The lesson here may be that the easiest movie to make poorly is a SF one… only qualifier I could put on that is that I don't watch much other than SF/fantasy, war and comedies, so there are thousands of potential candidates I've ruled out in advance.

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P.S. For those who want to take my preferences with a grain of salt… I'm apparently one of only a half dozen people on the planet who liked Ishtar. Enough that I've watched it more than once. I think it's hysterical. Approaching it as a comedy no doubt helps considerably.

 

The best worst movie I have seen is House. It is deliciously awful.

 

When I was at uni, Dune was some guy's idea of the ideal first date to take me on. Did the relationship flourish? Uh, NO.

 

Not that it's a bad movie, but I once took a girl to see The English Patient. /facepalm

 

First off, My Cousin Vinny is fantastic. It's campy and cheesy and stupid, but I love it more than just about any other movie. If it's on tv, I am watching it.

So my list, going from least worst to worst. I'm going to avoid the so-bad-it's-good movies.

5. Hunter Prey. It's recent so I doubt I'll remember it in five years, but it's unwatchable.
4. Superman III. Superman versus Richard Pryor.
3. Dungeons and Dragons. Just watch this movie and tell me I'm wrong.
2. Eraserhead: Not that Eraserhead is that bad. I'm a movie snob and I run with movie snobs, and they all love it. They worship this film. It's mediocre, at best.
1. Epic Movie. God. Damn. this. movie.

 

As I hope I made clear, I'm just bitter towards David Lynch and what I see as undeserved fame. A more critical pick would be something along the lines of Jumper or House of the Dead.

 

True, but she did die a horrible death.

 

1. Step Brothers (I watched it with my friend and I had to leave half-way through.)

2. Epic Movie (It wasn't even so bad it was good. It was just... bad...)

3. Bewitched (Will Ferrell is an <synonym for mule> through this entire movie, and I couldn't stand him.)

4. Manos, The Hands of Fate (It was on Mystery Science Theater, but it was very depressing to watch instead of funny.)

5. Dungeons and Dragons (Do you even have to ask?)

 

This brings to mind a very, very terrible movie calles Bubba Ho-Tep. In it, an old man who believes he's Elvis teams up with another old man who believes he's Nixon to fight an evil egiptian mummy who haunts the old people's home and sucks the life force out of the retiree's bottoms. Also, the mummy is dressed as a pirate.

 

I thought it was rather terrible, although funny in a terrible way. But hey, to each his own right? I'll check out the book sometime though, out of curiosity.

 

Avatar: The Last Airbender - I absolutely loved the cartoon but the movie was just terrible, I couldn't bring myself to finish it.

Son Of The Mask - A sequel to a Jim Carrey movie without Jim Carrey. It was hardly even watchable.

I can't think of any others that were terrible. Probably just the spoofs like meet the spartans and epic movie.

 

There are three movies that I have started and refused to finish.

Me, Myself, and Irene
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, part 1
The Thing (Carpenter version) (I was 8, too much for me that it was)


I wouldn't call any of those 'terrible' though. There are much worse movies out there.

 

I'm curious, Meyer, what did you find "unfinishable" about The Hobbit?