Thank you for helping me work through these scenes and maximize their impact. For anyone viewing this thread without the background info, it is here on this thread: The purple Bengal Tigers eat yellow marshmlllows and should they be Rasberry flavour
I'm trying to build consecutively on each scene. Any criticism is welcome regarding how to get the most bang for my buck here. I want to trim the whole chapter but didn't know whether that could be best achieved by just cutting the first scene or what. PLEASE ignore my grammar/ punctuation. This is a first draft and while I try to clean things before I post to the Showcase, this is in rough draft and needs to be edited I'm mostly concerned with word choices, tone, pacing, that sort of stuff. I promise to fix my grammar later after I have something I'm not debating cutting completely.
THANK YOU to all you guys who already weighed-in. I really appreciate your time, and I know how difficult it is to offer opinions on a passage in the middle of the book.
So here's the background info:
Raven is the mistress of a powerful crime boss. She is a tough woman, tempered by the streets of a corrupt city. She finds out through a friend that a madman used a magical mirror to find a descendant of a famous mage, and it showed her face. She knows it's a mistake, but she prepares to flee her home anyways, knowing arguing will be useless. But before she can leave, armed men storm in the door and demand she be turned over to them. Martin, a bard she's less than friendly with, tries to help her escape but they are both captured and imprisoned. Okay so that brings up up to chapter 6.