Swapping tense mid-story?

[Svrtnsse]

Ahoy all,

While writing lately I've found that I tend to swap between past and present tense a lot. Usually when things start to get intense and action packed the story goes into present tense and when things again slow down it shifts back into past tense.

Intuitively I'd say that this shifting of tenses would be annoying for a reader, but I also have this idea that if done well it could improve on the story. For the most part I go back and edit when I notice it happening, but just to try it out I wrote a short story where the "action" scenes were all (both) in present tense and the more relaxed parts in past tense.
One of my friends who read it said it bothered her while the other claimed not to have noticed. I'm finding it hard to believe the latter friend isn't just trying to be nice, but it's not something I'm going to confront her about once I actually got her to read something I'd written.

What's your take on this, is it categorically a bad idea to shift tense between scenes/sub-scenes or can it be done?

 

[Steerpike]

Nothing is a categorically bad idea. You can find good examples of just about any technique or combination of techniques. My advice is to give it a shot and see if it works. If you pull it off and meet the goal you are seeking in improving the story, then great. If the attempt fails, it is easy enough to switch back to a consistent POV.

 

[Svrtnsse]

Fair point. I'll keep trying where it feels right and, as you say, I can fix it if it doesn't work.

 

[Sheriff Woody]

I think whenever you choose to do something radical like changing tense mid-way through a story, there should be a very clear reason for doing it. It should be more than just "I wanted to". There should be story implications. You shouldn't be able to tell this particular story at its maximum potential any other way.

Of course, you can do whatever the bleeding heck you want, but I recommend avoiding decisions that will likely cause a reader to stop and say "Huh...?" Keep the reader in the story.

 

[BWFoster78]

Ahoy all,

While writing lately I've found that I tend to swap between past and present tense a lot. Usually when things start to get intense and action packed the story goes into present tense and when things again slow down it shifts back into past tense.

Intuitively I'd say that this shifting of tenses would be annoying for a reader, but I also have this idea that if done well it could improve on the story. For the most part I go back and edit when I notice it happening, but just to try it out I wrote a short story where the "action" scenes were all (both) in present tense and the more relaxed parts in past tense.
One of my friends who read it said it bothered her while the other claimed not to have noticed. I'm finding it hard to believe the latter friend isn't just trying to be nice, but it's not something I'm going to confront her about once I actually got her to read something I'd written.

What's your take on this, is it categorically a bad idea to shift tense between scenes/sub-scenes or can it be done?

My general response to a question like this is:

You can do whatever you want as long as it works.

The caveat, however, is: Typically the author isn't the best person to choose whether or not their "neat" idea actually does work.

 

[Feo Takahari]

I could swear I've seen something like this before, though I don't remember where. In times of crisis, the protagonist entered a state of heightened senses, represented by italics and short, sharp sentences. These scenes were always in present tense, increasing the impression of an altered state. It worked pretty well.

 

[Butterfly]

Drizzt... Salvatore was one. First for journal, third for present action.

Actually... it's this weeks topic over at Serious Pixie's blog. Omnivoracious: R. A. Salvatore on Using First and Third Person in the Same Book

 

[Steerpike]

I've read plenty of books that alternate between first and third-person POV in the same book. Look at the House of Night series, for an example that comes to mind.

 

[Penpilot]

I tend to fall into doing this too when I'm really deep into a character's head and when there's a lot of action happening. As said above, you can do what ever you want, but for me, I always edit things into past tense... well except for direct thoughts.

 

[Swordmistress]

I agree with Sheriff Woody. Never break a rule unless you have a valid reason. If you can come up a valid reason then go for. With R.A. Slavtore and the Dirizzt series it works because it goes between Drizzt's personal thoughts as he explores his thoughts and feelings towards things in his journal. It makes it very distinct between the action and his thoughts.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

Svrtnsse,

Can you provide a brief excerpt here showing an example tense shift?

 

[Nihal]

Drizzt... Salvatore was one. First for journal, third for present action.

Actually... it's this weeks topic over at Serious Pixie's blog. Omnivoracious: R. A. Salvatore on Using First and Third Person in the Same Book

Uhm, in the beginning I used to read these journal parts, but now I just skip. I don't know exactly if it bothers me because it feels like he's suddenly addressing to the reader, breaking the immersion, or because the character is too pedantic and dramatic. It just didn't work for me.

But this works well:

I could swear I've seen something like this before, though I don't remember where. In times of crisis, the protagonist entered a state of heightened senses, represented by italics and short, sharp sentences. These scenes were always in present tense, increasing the impression of an altered state. It worked pretty well.

 

[Svrtnsse]

Svrtnsse,

Can you provide a brief excerpt here showing an example tense shift?

The following two paragraphs is the first time it happens in the story:

Eronicza was still fast asleep, small puffs of smoke coming out of the little hole in the blankets she’d made for breathing through. The little creature sniffed at the backpack where it lay on the ground but soon lost interest in it and trotted over to the big pile the sounds of breathing came from. It sat still watching for a long time, but in the end hunger won over fear and caution and it crept closer. It stuck its nose into the opening in the blankets the breaths were coming through to see what was inside. As it did so its nose touched the nose of the woman sleeping underneath the covers.

As years of combat experience kick in Eronicza is instantly armed and awake. Guns in hand she sits up and scans her surroundings to find the threat. The forest is dark and still but there’s a faint squealing noise from right beside her, underneath where her blanket fell as she threw it off. The light of the moon is just barely enough to make out that something under the blanket is moving.

The full story if you want more context can be read at: Kill to Live - Odd Lands Wiki

 

[wordwalker]

There's a difference between shifting 1st Person and 3rd Person, versus changing Past vs Present Tense.

1st vs 3rd is sometimes done as an extension of using different viewpoints, usually the most central MC getting 1st person while others get 3rd to mark them as less important. It can work, but I think it isn't usual worth how it seems artificial compared to 3rd P all around.

But mixing Past and Present Tense? Just no way. Although, you might have isolated chapters that were dreams or such shift into Present to make them more dreamlike, if the contrast was clear. And:

I could swear I've seen something like this before, though I don't remember where. In times of crisis, the protagonist entered a state of heightened senses, represented by italics and short, sharp sentences. These scenes were always in present tense, increasing the impression of an altered state. It worked pretty well.

A lot of great writers use this, and I do to. (Insert joke here.) I love the moment of extra immediacy, going to 1st Person Present in italics:

"The soldier marched along the wall, spear heavy in his hand. Still another mark on watch, and the wind was already rising--

What's that? He spun around, searching for the sound..."

 

[FatCat]

I'm working on a story now that has a prologue and an epilogue (muhahahahahaha!) that are in 2nd POV, while the majority is 1rst. Reasoning is it's a letter of sorts, and I hope it works out well. Do what you do, if it doesn't work you can always edit.

 

[Jamber]

It's worth trying, but be aware that you're creating a literary effect that to some degree draws attention to the writing as writing. By conrast, wordwalker's example is clearly bracketed as internal thought. It's not a change in the method or style of telling as yours is.

I think the issue is not so much about rules (and obedience to them) as about whether you want to draw attention to the writing in that way.

Hope this makes sense, and by the way, I quite liked the excerpt,
Jennie