Hi again, fellow scribes. Since this is off the commiseration topic but related, I thought I'd give it its own thread. Last year, I mentioned the beginning of the situation I currently find myself in. I acknowledge that it's all related, though I'm trying to make sense of it all. Perhaps self-psychology is a terrible idea for me, but I'm trying to gain a better understanding of my limitations and weaknesses, in order that I might move beyond what I was capable of yesterday and look forward to a tomorrow that will continue to challenge me, but fulfill me, too.
I admitted last year to having a fear of success and mentioned that for me, the hunt holds all the thrill. I worried that if I ever actually published something I really cared about, I might feel the game was done...won...and with nothing further to pursue. Anyways, I read this article and thought it had some really honest points about what life is like for a serious writer, and I just wanted to share it with you all, especially those who (like me) don't go out of their way to search for articles written by other writers about their experiences. I usually find that most of those blogs are written by people who either got really lucky and want to sort of brag about where they are and share what they did right (fair enough, no complaints, just it doesn't help me out much unless luck is fixing to jump over to my team), or by people who have put a bunch of work in and gotten pretty much nowhere (which I'm already pretty great at doing, so not really helpful either).
I've spent a considerable amount of time this past six months just on my personal life. I was seriously depressed last year, for a number of reasons, and since we moved and bought this house, and embraced a different opportunity for our lives, I've been sort of in life recovery, rehabilitating myself in a variety of ways.
My writing sort of fell off track in that time when my mental and emotional state was at its lowest ebb. Perhaps I tried too hard to just be who I wished I was, as a person and as a writer? I'm not sure, and it really doesn't matter now. While my road won't be easy, and I may never have the sense of "normal" that I've lost, I can never go back to my twenties and be a young woman with the world as my oyster. Instead, I must look forward and finish out my thirties with my head held as high as possible, and live to the best of my ability. Writing is one of the things that makes me appreciate life, really. It allows me to think and to study the small things, the human condition, and the emotions and emotional range of different fake people. I think that's what makes me different from a lot of writers. Almost literary, rather than fantasy. Anyways, I read this article about depression, anxiety, pressure, whatever it is, that stands in the way of writers cruising calmly to the finish line. Committed to the Drop: Writing Deadlines, the Fear of Success, and Mitigating Failure - Kameron Hurley
Hope this helps someone else, too.
P.S. I haven't been sleeping well this last week, since I got an upper respiratory infection and can't lay down without coughing constantly. Three hours seems to be my sleep limit for any given attempt, and it's quickly wearing me down. If i'm babbling incoherently at this point, forgive me. I'll be back to normal ASAP.
I admitted last year to having a fear of success and mentioned that for me, the hunt holds all the thrill. I worried that if I ever actually published something I really cared about, I might feel the game was done...won...and with nothing further to pursue. Anyways, I read this article and thought it had some really honest points about what life is like for a serious writer, and I just wanted to share it with you all, especially those who (like me) don't go out of their way to search for articles written by other writers about their experiences. I usually find that most of those blogs are written by people who either got really lucky and want to sort of brag about where they are and share what they did right (fair enough, no complaints, just it doesn't help me out much unless luck is fixing to jump over to my team), or by people who have put a bunch of work in and gotten pretty much nowhere (which I'm already pretty great at doing, so not really helpful either).
I've spent a considerable amount of time this past six months just on my personal life. I was seriously depressed last year, for a number of reasons, and since we moved and bought this house, and embraced a different opportunity for our lives, I've been sort of in life recovery, rehabilitating myself in a variety of ways.
My writing sort of fell off track in that time when my mental and emotional state was at its lowest ebb. Perhaps I tried too hard to just be who I wished I was, as a person and as a writer? I'm not sure, and it really doesn't matter now. While my road won't be easy, and I may never have the sense of "normal" that I've lost, I can never go back to my twenties and be a young woman with the world as my oyster. Instead, I must look forward and finish out my thirties with my head held as high as possible, and live to the best of my ability. Writing is one of the things that makes me appreciate life, really. It allows me to think and to study the small things, the human condition, and the emotions and emotional range of different fake people. I think that's what makes me different from a lot of writers. Almost literary, rather than fantasy. Anyways, I read this article about depression, anxiety, pressure, whatever it is, that stands in the way of writers cruising calmly to the finish line. Committed to the Drop: Writing Deadlines, the Fear of Success, and Mitigating Failure - Kameron Hurley
Hope this helps someone else, too.
P.S. I haven't been sleeping well this last week, since I got an upper respiratory infection and can't lay down without coughing constantly. Three hours seems to be my sleep limit for any given attempt, and it's quickly wearing me down. If i'm babbling incoherently at this point, forgive me. I'll be back to normal ASAP.
Auror
