I have a plow boy as a MC but I KNOW he talks like me and it's making me crazy. I've spent so much time trying to use the best words possible, it's IMPOSSIBLE to dumb-down his speech. Surely some of you have had to do this. What do you recommend? Do I just watch a couple episodes of Blackadder and fill my head with Baldrick's speech patterns? I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but here are a few of his first draft quotes:
“Yes, different, not sinister. This story has left me feeling hollow inside, and unable to answer exactly why.”
AND
“Winter is no relief. You know that. There is ice to cut, hogs to butcher. The lambing season alone will keep the field workers busy clear ‘til the new buds show. For me, Ayleth, there is just another field, and another, and some more. After that, another season and new work that must be done. If I’m lucky I will have summer nights with you next year, extending the illusion that one day we might live happily ever after like all those knights and queens and elves in your stories.”
AND
“My life is spelled out. It’s not so different from those letters in your books—unchanging, and almost as meaningless to me.”
Okay, so how can I best figure out a way to make his speech fit that of a serf? He hangs out with an educated girl...I don't want him to be stupid. He's actually very intelligent. But, how much of his speech pattern would have rubbed off from her? Would he WANT to alter the way he speaks to impress her? My answer would be yes. but I want some of his words to maybe not be the perfect ones. Like (and I'm so sorry for saying this) when you're talking to someone who isn't very intelligent or well-read. And they sort of use words wrong or try to sound smarter than they are. And it's just a big old fail? I want it like that, but not in a way you want to slap him for it. More like you get that he's poor and uneducated, but you still see how genuine he is under it all.
Thank you for any help you can provide. This is certainly one of my weaknesses and too many of my characters sound too similar. I have a real opportunity to give a great insight into this character with his speech patterns (for a few chapters till he's kidnapped and doesn't come back for four years).
“Yes, different, not sinister. This story has left me feeling hollow inside, and unable to answer exactly why.”
AND
“Winter is no relief. You know that. There is ice to cut, hogs to butcher. The lambing season alone will keep the field workers busy clear ‘til the new buds show. For me, Ayleth, there is just another field, and another, and some more. After that, another season and new work that must be done. If I’m lucky I will have summer nights with you next year, extending the illusion that one day we might live happily ever after like all those knights and queens and elves in your stories.”
AND
“My life is spelled out. It’s not so different from those letters in your books—unchanging, and almost as meaningless to me.”
Okay, so how can I best figure out a way to make his speech fit that of a serf? He hangs out with an educated girl...I don't want him to be stupid. He's actually very intelligent. But, how much of his speech pattern would have rubbed off from her? Would he WANT to alter the way he speaks to impress her? My answer would be yes. but I want some of his words to maybe not be the perfect ones. Like (and I'm so sorry for saying this) when you're talking to someone who isn't very intelligent or well-read. And they sort of use words wrong or try to sound smarter than they are. And it's just a big old fail? I want it like that, but not in a way you want to slap him for it. More like you get that he's poor and uneducated, but you still see how genuine he is under it all.
Thank you for any help you can provide. This is certainly one of my weaknesses and too many of my characters sound too similar. I have a real opportunity to give a great insight into this character with his speech patterns (for a few chapters till he's kidnapped and doesn't come back for four years).
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