Here goes nothing, let me know what you guys think

[MagicFame1500]

So I decided to combine my MC with the different ideas I presented of what I wanted to use and what we've all discussed. This is just a rough blue print of him, let me know your thoughts.

I decided to go with my MC to have been born to a human/demonic species mixed dad and an angelic/wolf-like species mom. The MC's grandad was a Vietnam vet, who was injected with demonic blood, transforming him into a demonic super soldier. MC's grandad then met a full blooded demonic woman, giving birth to MC's dad, making the dad a 1/4 human, 1/3 demonic. The dad would have served Desert Storm. Then at some point the dad meets the MC's mom, who's a descendant of an ancient samurai clan, which were a mix of angelic-like species and wolf-like species, which her ancestors also descended from the Kami wolf god and an angelic Tenbu being. The MC's mom saved the dad, which they gave birth to the MC, who was born a mix of a demonic/angelic/wolf-like bloodline.

To hide their son from this corrupted company,(which they may of been killed by) they send baby MC to an adopted family they can trust, where the MC grows up in a small suburban US town. The MC wasn't to into sports but he trained in karate, which was a national sport he embraced, which was apart of his culture he inherited and he was really good at it. One day at age 15 he practices training which manifested some of his powers, which alerted the bad company, sending demon hunters out to track him, resulting in them killing his adopted parents. The leader of the demon hunting group was in fact his grandad, but he tricked the MC into believing his adoptive parents were murdered by demonic beings. The grandad was against his own kind and worked for the company to track, kill or capture other demons/or celestial beings. The MC's powers were so immense they wanted to use him for the company so they brainwashed the MC into becoming a demon hunter for the company and for him to also get his revenge on demons(which he's lead to believe are the killers of his AP family). Eventually he learns the truth that his grandad is bad and this company he works for, after they betray him and try to kill him, which the MC escapes off the grid somewhere in the North Pacific ocean on a deep hidden island for now.

I plan to use this story, any way I can fix it or it sounds good enough?

Thanks all.

 

[Rexenm]

So he is a half cast, with an angry cloud over his head. It reminds me of some of these gothic romances. I would revise the breed to be a house insignia, like rising wolf. I would be interested to see how his grandad would see things, fleshing it out to more than just lust. Does the main character have something about him that makes him tough, or romantic, or sexy? To understand I would need to see more, but to me it looks like the main character is some kind of antagonist, due to the fact that it is some kind of mafia. When I think about it, I rarely make the characters motivation for fighting lust, but circumstance. So, if there was some family of half casts, without a maddened grandfather, would there even be a plot? Would he clean up his act, or would there be some spicy romance that had been hidden beneath the floor boards, or some ridicule that allowed the cannon to, proceed? I would definitely like to see the three sides, surrounding the MC.

 

[MagicFame1500]

Thanks but I'm not sure what you mean by him being like an antagonist? He grew up being a good guy, until his home is raided by demon hunters, killing his adoptive parents, which the hunters then pretend it was a race of demonic beings that killed the adoptive parents, which "they" the hunters pretending to be the good guys hunting demons, they get the protagonist to work for them. A normal reaction to his adoptive family's murdered and wanting revenge on those who killed them. So naturally he would be convinced to join the demon hunters to go after the demon killers. Of course he learns it wasn't demons that killed the AP family and he also learns he has demon inheritance as well. And he learns the truth about his evil grandad.

When he finds the truth he would train to help put an end to the demon hunters and organization. He would also fight to put a stop to bad demonic beings and realizes that not all demonic beings are evil, as he's one himself. He might even feel he should not exist because of the power he contains, which could fall into the wrong hands and used in a destructive way. There is some romance as there would be a special ops woman who grows an interest for him.

 

[Rexenm]

He might even feel he should not exist because of the power he contains, which could fall into the wrong hands and used in a destructive way.

I’m detecting fruity notes. So I was to understand the grandad killed his children, not the adoptive parents, which I think editors would have an issue with. Generally an antagonist may seem completely in charge, at other times they take the mantle of solitude. I wonder what form the magic takes, is there a mysterious book to his, inheritance? Is the father and mother, at odds? Is the grandfather, a closet homosexual? I understand about the sympathy for these demonic beings, and the consensus with the hunters, but do you think one would want to stand up to all, with all these powers, unless combined with the special ops? That made more sense.

 

[MagicFame1500]

I’m detecting fruity notes. So I was to understand the grandad killed his children, not the adoptive parents, which I think editors would have an issue with. Generally an antagonist may seem completely in charge, at other times they take the mantle of solitude. I wonder what form the magic takes, is there a mysterious book to his, inheritance? Is the father and mother, at odds? Is the grandfather, a closet homosexual? I understand about the sympathy for these demonic beings, and the consensus with the hunters, but do you think one would want to stand up to all, with all these powers, unless combined with the special ops? That made more sense.

Maybe you're right. Maybe it's better I just forget the grandad and just say the adoptive parents were evil, who killed his real parents and brought the MC up in their religious demon hunting cult-like group? And I could tone it down a bit, with maybe making his birth mother the special ops so he has a more human side and not so over-the-top powerful? Then the adoptive parents brought him up to hate his demonic side kind by sort of enslaving him by punishing him to hate himself for being a half-breed?

 

[Rexenm]

To me that is a better idea. The grandfather should not be so imposing. When struck with an adoptive parent situation, maybe they should be dealt with, but I still think the MC is better being an antagonist. The mother being an op, lends to the idea that the demons are not all that bad, but the father being a demon, makes for succulent romance, which is also a reason I like this other plot better, see? The mother being the third integer, also leads to the laws of the prince and the hag. If they were to hunt demons, then it would be a fantasy, but it could definitely pass as a time travel romance, without the demons and instead imposing walls, which could make the MC a waif.

 

[MagicFame1500]

Do you mean being an antagonist MC? Or the actual main antagonist? Or he appears an antagonist to the other characters in the story but viewed as the MC to readers? And what if the op mother had some angel dna? Or would that ruin the chemistry with the demon dad? And by time travel, you mean the mother and father traveling to a different time to meet eachother, with the MC left behind somewhere?

 

[Rexenm]

I think it is more likely that the mother had some demon DNA, and that is what sparked the demon dad to be obtuse, creating tension in the bond with the grandfather, though I do not know if the grandfather is paternal or maternal. It reminds me of the difference between that Dumbledore meme where he is angry, or that Star Wars meme, with Grievous and his collection, but it could all be fiction.

 

[MagicFame1500]

If the mom had some demon DNA, which sparked the relationship with the demon dad, would it make sense the grandad would have tensions with both of MC's birth mom and birth dad, considering if I said the grandad had demon DNA injected in himself during a super soldier experiment? Though whether the grandad was a paternal or maternal parent, that would change everything if he were or not related by blood.

 

[Rexenm]

This sexual tension causes a baby in the end, there is no word of the mother, perhaps the father was summoned, or born of the earth.

 

[Rexenm]

How about the grandfather was a warrior for Rising Wolf, made out with the poison, and poisoned himself, and his pregnant wife. Then they follow the story of that, throughout the boys upbringing with the adopted parents as part of the organisation, which shall remain unmentioned, and the wife dying in child birth. Then the boy rises in the ranks, and eventually meets his grandfather, though his original parents were killed, by a splinter cell, run by the ops faction, and she were following him to this final conclusion, the grandfather. That way, there are three sides, not just four, which spins a different angle on the whole situation of matrimony, which entangles the boy in the end, who learns he wants to be a martial arts gym leader. This is so that the boy, can have some decency, whilst still maintaining a pertained status quo.

It is a silly little angle I have, that makes it difficult to breath in laughter, for how much this seems like a romance, though it cannot be, because it is a fantasy, gothic or not, supernatural perhaps, but definitely a fantasy in time.

Is it meant to be a series? Because I have ideas, of how the demons can evolve, based around the fact that they are tribal, or fruity. That means the sound of them could be hoarse, or there could be a white waif, or a conclusion that their face paint is evil, just not bad. But the grandfather, seems the imposing figure of this series, it must not be known that he is a boy, just disingenuous. The motion of the story could contain flashbacks, or liquidity.

 

[MagicFame1500]

Sounds good. So the grandad caused this demonic gene in the first place, which is how the dad was born, passing it down to the MC? The MC's mother dies when giving birth, he's raised by the adoptive parents, and moves the ranks until he meets the grandad one day. If the grandad poisoned his own wife with this, what could happen to her, the grandmother? And if the MC's OG parents were killed by an ops group, does it make sense it was the mother's group? And would this make the adoptive parents antagonists as well?

I planned it as an expanding series, maybe even introducing other demonic/celestial hybrid beings into the story. What ideas could they have evolved into?

And could the MC have time to be a martial arts gym leader if he's part of the adoptive parents organization?

 

[MagicFame1500]

No one likes my idea?

 

[Rexenm]

I was asleep. I think the grandfather is some sort of forbidden force. Both mothers die in child birth, and the op is stuck between demon and demon.

The MC is some kind of victim. Some kind of battle ground between nurture and nature? The demons represent male toxicity, maybe they worship a waif, or some child.

 

[pmmg]

This is all character backstory, what is the story?

I think you have a lot going on there, and you seem to want this character, but what do you want him to do? How will you know that when he's done it, the story is over?

If you are going to include all those other being types, I hope there is a conflict that incorporates them all, and makes for a lot of complexity between species.

 

[Ruth Chris]

Your story idea seems interesting and also like a LOT to understand. I'm interested in how lineage and different mythological inheritances can shape a character. Good luck and I'll be excited to see what the writing looks like when you start!

It sounds like a lot about the MC is unknown to them, and that you as the author seem interested in the information that they themselves don't know yet. As a reader I think learning about the background of a character (and especially big reveals about their background) is only interesting if we understand who they are in their life "now". Seeing this makes me curious about who they are as a karate practicing 15 y.o.?

–––––––––––––––––
Unrelated to your question but maybe useful(?) it makes me think there are some exercises that sort of do the work of both conceptualizing AND generating actual material for our stories: for example writing an interview with your MC or a dialogue of questions where the character in their own voice can respond about who they are and what they know about themselves. I find this exercise to be a little awkward at first but then usually very illuminating. I think it's good sometimes for our characters to tell us what's important and even where the story should go.

i.e. I feel figuring out the voice of a character can really inform in an immediately braided way the nitty-gritty of background and even the turns of the plot.

Anyway there is writing around the story and then there is writing into the story. I think sometimes that writing is less like architecture and more like acting, and we need to step into the roles that we are imagining and that is where we understand what information IS important and what information is superfluous / can just be a kind of backdrop to be inferred.
–––––––––––––––––––