How descriptive to be with romantic scenes.

[The Dark One]

This subject again?

Fair enough, we never get tired of sex (but I suspect you've not read my excellent article on how to write an excellent bonking scene Search Results for “bonking” – The Book Hammer).

If your book is on the graphic side then go for it - let it all hang out - as full on as you like and then dial it back later if you think that's what it needs.

All my books contain sex although there tends to be a range of levels of action, depending on a range of factors.

The main secrets are to actually put yourself in the place of the characters (yeah, I know...) and always remember that the reader brings the full history of their own sexual experience to the story. Find a way to tap into that history and you've hit the jackpot.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

 

[Finchbearer]

Well an update to this now old thread is that I will not be writing sex scenes that are graphic, but there will be sex scenes.

Dark one - that article is old, we need an updated one

 

[Ban]

Writing erotic scenes would reduce the amount of time I could spend on culinary scenes. Prawn over porn. I might at some point be able to make room for romance, but that's tentative.

 

[Finchbearer]

Writing erotic scenes would reduce the amount of time I could spend on culinary scenes. Prawn over porn. I might at some point be able to make room for romance, but that's tentative.

Well…food porn is a thing. So don’t be going around thinking you’re not writing porn in some form or another.

 

[Ban]

Well…food porn is a thing. So don’t be going around thinking you’re not writing porn in some form or another.

Not even gastronomy is safe from the whims of Eros. Woe is me.

 

[LittleOwlbear]

Not even gastronomy is safe from the whims of Eros. Woe is me.

I feel like Ghibli was one of the inventor of food porn and I will carry on their legacy.

 

[Finchbearer]

Ghibli food scenes are mouth watering.

Haruki Murakami is also known to write food porn.

 

[pmmg]

Well an update to this now old thread is that I will not be writing sex scenes that are graphic, but there will be sex scenes.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

Should have known I'd come back and we'd be talking about food...

 

[The Dark One]

The second dilemma for me is that I as the writer really want my own characters to get together, so I really want to know how that goes, in all the detail! But I don’t want to fall into the total smut category.

Getting your readers to want the characters to get together is the best way to titillate their attention and arouse their interest. All writing is about convincing the reader to turn the next page.

Reading back over this thread, it occurred to me that I've personally never been intimate with anyone for whom I didn't have strong feelings. No stray bonking for me...

It never happens with my characters either although there are any number of unusual situations capable of various interpretations. I think I can safely say that every one of my bonking scenes is unique.

 

[The Dark One]

Something I've been reflecting on for a while...

There is quite a lot of sex in my books (at least when compared with Enid Blyton) and while it only occasionally gets graphic - and even then, not for long - it leaves little to the imagination. What I mostly go for is:

- setting up a pair of main characters over numerous chapters (usually with one or two disappointments or false dawns) so that the reader is gagging for them to do it
- putting the characters in an unusual situation or context
- an element or two of kinkiness
- some element of surprise
- absolute equality between the players
- their actions must impact on the plot (any named character in my work has at least some impact on the plot)

I'm not slavish about following those exactly - which is where surprise can come in - but those principles would cater for most of my sex scenes.

And yet, I have several times been criticised by reviewers along the lines of: the female characters were only there for the sexual gratification of the MC.

That really hurts. I know the reviewers are idiots following some PC script, but it still hurts to have my work misinterpreted and dismissed with a thoughtless phrase. There was even one reviewer who complained a female character was only there for the sexual gratification of the MC - in a book where they never had sex (they both wanted to but it never happened). Did she actually finish the book, I wonder?

At the same time I've had any number of women tell me (face to face) that they love the way I write female characters. A 50 yo lawyer said to me: "What I love about your women, Adrian, is that they are never just the decorative sperm receptacles you usually find in books by men."

That's wonderful but it still hurts to be misinterpreted. I guess that's the price you pay for any kind of notoriety (no matter how small). If you are published you will be judged - sometimes unfairly - and while writing sex scenes does add spice, it also carries risk.

 

[pmmg]

There is no accounting for how others might react. Many bring their own stuff and framing into the experience. Many probably lack in an objective approach. I would be concerned if 'all' of them were saying the same thing, but not concerned if there is a mix of opinions. But...on the plus side, someone read and cared enough to comment, so....one reader

 

[Rexenm]

Reading back over this thread, it occurred to me that I've personally never been intimate with anyone for whom I didn't have strong feelings. No stray bonking for me...

I don’t even know how common that is. Love at first site can be deceptive. I feel psychological pressure, when relating to the opposite sex. It is usually a dance, or some kind of romance, that makes you laugh, or sneer.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

I don’t even know how common that is. Love at first site can be deceptive. I feel psychological pressure, when relating to the opposite sex. It is usually a dance, or some kind of romance, that makes you laugh, or sneer.

Love at first sight happens. The trick is catching it in the act. Mine was the first day of high school, between classes, just before lunch. I'd known her for thirty minutes and she sang, "Blow the Candles Out" to me in the stairwell. I was just a few weeks shy of 15. 34 years later, she's still the best editor I've ever had.

The point is, if it makes you laugh, or worse, sneer, something has gone fundamentally wrong at some point in the exchange between the writer, the characters, and the reader. I'm at the head of the sex/violence marching band, so I can tell you that the solution means to touch something real at any or all of those points. If you know what I mean, you know what I'm talking about. You've felt it. If you don't, the best thing I can advise is to find it. Read, watch, enjoy, open yourself to experience and passion and risk, because if love makes you sneer, I'm sorry but you're not there, yet.

 

[Finchbearer]

That really hurts. I know the reviewers are idiots following some PC script, but it still hurts to have my work misinterpreted and dismissed with a thoughtless phrase.

Aren’t all women sperm receptacles? JOKE.

I may not have experience of my writing being out in the world and getting reviews, but I have lots of other experience with putting creative stuff out there and receiving all manner of feedback, both negative and positive.

You have one of three options in my opinion:

Option one: grow a thicker skin. Harsh but true.
Option two: take the criticism rather than dismiss it as some politically correct script. Use that feedback and keep it in mind for your next project.
Option three: defend your work, and have conviction, and leave that hurt behind.

Sarah J Maas is one example of a writer who gets A LOT of criticism, with academics taking to their thesis projects just to dissect and rip apart her work. She gets some fierce criticism for her depictions of sex scenes between main characters, some of which are pretty graphic and I’ve seen so many funny reviews ripping it all apart. How she deals with that I don’t know. I guess selling millions of copies of books means she was always going to get an inevitable flurry of both good and bad reviews, but one thing I do know is that she has conviction in her work and continues to write with fervour.

 

[The Dark One]

You've got to grow a thick skin - for sure.

I am always happy to accept (and learn from) criticism but on the proviso that people get what I was aiming for. How can I respect an opinion where the reader complained about sex that never happened?

As for defending my work, I never respond to reviews - at least not to bad reviews. That is a really bad idea and liable to snuff any budding career. Even good reviews, I rarely respond as I was once told that reviewers (say on Goodreads or Amazon) find author contact of any kind (even just to say thanks) as creepy.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

You've got to grow a thick skin - for sure.

I am always happy to accept (and learn from) criticism but on the proviso that people get what I was aiming for. How can I respect an opinion where the reader complained about sex that never happened?

As for defending my work, I never respond to reviews - at least not to bad reviews. That is a really bad idea and liable to snuff any budding career. Even good reviews, I rarely respond as I was once told that reviewers (say on Goodreads or Amazon) find author contact of any kind (even just to say thanks) as creepy.

And whoever said that authors initializing contact is creepy is right. We read reviews. No matter what we may say publicly, we all read the reviews and we should probably stop pretending we don't. But, we don't comment, we don't respond in the comments, and we take our praise and lumps and keep going without popping off on any reviews or criticism in any of our other social platforms - and given the bias in Western culture tying female sexual enjoyment to stupidity, we'll be hearing commenters sounding off on that, and oh so much more, for a while to come.

What we can do is come to places like Scribes and others, where we can commiserate with other writers in a (mostly) writer-centric space and tell each other all about it, and we all get it. Our writers just getting into the game, and those of us who've been here a while, we're here for each other.

 

[Rexenm]

All sex is really, is pain. Watered down, label slapped on... What would Christian Grey say? There needs to be an intermediary, a chaperone, a church. One can get all cheerful about finding the lover of their dreams, but psychological aspects of child birth, still make me cling to safety.

 

[Finchbearer]

If an author responded to my review I wouldn’t find it creepy, but I would find it pedantic if they go on to rebuke my criticism. Or at worst, petty. You can’t exactly go telling someone that their opinion is wrong, it would just make you look the a**hole. I don’t think I would respond to reviews if I ever get to that point.