Question concerning dialogue

[mrsmig]

OK. Thanks everyone. Yes, a sample would be a good idea. Should have seen that one coming.

I don’t have my work with me at the moment, but should be able to dredge up something pretty close:

“No, no,” he said, eyes wide. “It wasn’t like that! It was… uh, I mean, I saw the whole thing. It was an accident, a horrible accident. He came stumbling through the ruins, arms full. He, uh… he tripped and fell. Everything scattered. And that’s when it happened.”

Something like that anyway. I think it’s a tad better in the story, and it makes more sense in that context. Also, this is the character at his most awkward. When he’s less stressed out, he speaks a bit more fluently, but still does this a little.

He’s not going to have a ton of dialogue in the story. But he is an important source of certain, crucial info at times.

Weirdly, the "uhs" are making me wonder if the character is lying. I frequently see "uh" used this way - to indicate a pause while the character is formulating what they're going to say next. When the "uhs" are coupled with ellipses (which generally indicate a trailing off rather than an interruption of a speech pattern) it doubles up on the hesitation.

Given that your character seems to telling his story with some urgency, I'm wondering if using em-dashes in lieu of "uh" would show his distraction better, e.g. "It wasn't like that! I was - I mean, I saw the whole thing."

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

Weirdly, the "uhs" are making me wonder if the character is lying.

Yup... I thought the same.

 

[Incanus]

Ah, it's good to know not everyone had a problem with it.

Great point about the utterance looking like the speaking might be lying. I see that now, too. One more reason to change it--the character is telling the truth here, just in a jumbled fashion.

Basically, I'm going to use everything I can think of to get across the awkward nature of the character.

Thanks, folks.

 

[spectre]

Have you thought of more structured distractions?? For instance:

"[addressing dialogue] Of course the towers battlements are secure! [distracted]Six years it took, of course there was the incident, uh...[addressing dialogue] Precisely what would you suggest?"

I realize my example is plain but I'm suggesting putting some substance into the wizards thoughtful quirks. Gandalf was a lot like this. If you combine actions with words too you can show the eccentricity for instance in the above mentioning the wizard went to a table with the battlements' schematic and midsentence stopped and turned around and without eye contact readdressed the dialogue. In this way perhaps growing the eccentricity into a wholesome flaw.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

Hmm...Now that I think about it, he does give a "very poor liar" vibe to me. Slightly. But if he's a fairly important and always talks like this, this concern is void because he can't ALWAYS be lying.