Jerry
Minstrel
Without trying to be purple or over-descriptive, I tend to write, or attempt a more poetic prose for a style - in terms of imagery or descriptive style or world building, etc. But I seem to always fall into the trap of just too many adjectives, at least, it certainly appears that way... or am I being too harsh? Most times, I reread and find the prose with the heavy adjectives and try to expand upon the adjective by removing the word and create a more vivid description, if need be. Yet, as I read on, there they are again. Are too many adjectives too many? Obviously one after another, or before each noun or so would be overkill... but I find myself after long hours of writing always falling into the same adjective traps and seem to every time, in paragraph after paragraph. I'm aiming for a more painterly style in my prose, but am I over doing it (even in descriptive prose without the weighty adjectives) or in my adjective usage. How can I avoid these pitfalls.. or are they at all?
For example, in my story:
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In the blackness of Makȟóčhe Wašté, there is a devouring stillness. A breadth of despair and bitter beauty where demons are conjured by parasitized hearts and gods invoked in murmuring prayers. Low-set clouds crowned the panorama and throbbed like birth pangs ready to burst, dragging their sooty bellies across the earth where brave warriors once came to fight the ghosts, perhaps, still at war, lost somewhere upon the profound horizon.
Some heard the voices of the dead and would venture no further. Tales or truth, it was hard to know the difference. Truth was hard to come by. Truth was as fleeting as the vast mirage that stole sight and sound and for some, their sanity. It seemed all the Great Plains allowed were stormy gusts upon which dead leaves found their escape and the spoken tales of an indigenous past left to wither in the coming frost.
And upon the plains, waniyetu came darker, indeed, colder than ever counted.
Thirteen moons passed and the wintry blade unsheathed with ferocity and tore open the pale blue seam to bleed it black. As the sun yielded its sovereignty, the dying embers of the ruling hearth slipped away between earth and sky and seared the plains into an indiscernible horizon as the Great, Long night came to power.
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You can see the adjectives at work and after I reread what I wrote, I want to go in and slice at the adjective(s) and fix it with a more 'painterly or descriptive sentence or phrase'. Overkill, either way? Or should I hang it up and live under a bridge. In setting up a scene, setting, or character description, I don't lay it on thick, not always, but as in my above example, in this sort of 'poetic' style, for lack of a better term - there I go again - is it worth the read? I want to keep my story simple, yet as well, not be so straight forward or concrete with every scene or word.
For example, in my story:
----
In the blackness of Makȟóčhe Wašté, there is a devouring stillness. A breadth of despair and bitter beauty where demons are conjured by parasitized hearts and gods invoked in murmuring prayers. Low-set clouds crowned the panorama and throbbed like birth pangs ready to burst, dragging their sooty bellies across the earth where brave warriors once came to fight the ghosts, perhaps, still at war, lost somewhere upon the profound horizon.
Some heard the voices of the dead and would venture no further. Tales or truth, it was hard to know the difference. Truth was hard to come by. Truth was as fleeting as the vast mirage that stole sight and sound and for some, their sanity. It seemed all the Great Plains allowed were stormy gusts upon which dead leaves found their escape and the spoken tales of an indigenous past left to wither in the coming frost.
And upon the plains, waniyetu came darker, indeed, colder than ever counted.
Thirteen moons passed and the wintry blade unsheathed with ferocity and tore open the pale blue seam to bleed it black. As the sun yielded its sovereignty, the dying embers of the ruling hearth slipped away between earth and sky and seared the plains into an indiscernible horizon as the Great, Long night came to power.
-----
You can see the adjectives at work and after I reread what I wrote, I want to go in and slice at the adjective(s) and fix it with a more 'painterly or descriptive sentence or phrase'. Overkill, either way? Or should I hang it up and live under a bridge. In setting up a scene, setting, or character description, I don't lay it on thick, not always, but as in my above example, in this sort of 'poetic' style, for lack of a better term - there I go again - is it worth the read? I want to keep my story simple, yet as well, not be so straight forward or concrete with every scene or word.
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