FifthView
Vala
I stumbled on this interesting TED talk by Amanda Crowell, a cognitive psychologist, on the topic of "3 reasons you aren't doing what you say you will do."
She's isolated three stages or three parts of what she calls "defensive failure" that might be holding you back from writing that first novel...or from doing anything you think you should be doing or want to be doing but just aren't. She gives strategies for overcoming those blocks.
Illuminating and accurate, I think.
Summary of the three blocks w/ approximate time stamps:
2:52 "You think, somewhere in your heart, that you can't do it." — A belief that some people "have the talent or the genetics" to do it, but that you don't. Initial failures, and repeated failures, reinforce this belief. But talent and genetics aren't what lead to success; effort does. Repeated effort. Working at it.
5:44 "People like you don't do things like this." — Your identity or image of yourself is holding you back. We have very strong resistance to changing ourselves and our lives because we habitually, even irrationally, protect an identity we've already formed of ourselves. Example: You don't self-promote because that seems arrogant and pushy, and you're not that kind of person, right? Maybe you're so busy, always gotta do X, Y, Z—you're a caregiver, right?—so you don't have time for that anyway. Etc. [Second example is my own.] Finding like-minded people, i.e. people "like you" but who are accomplishing things similar to what you want to accomplish, may help you adjust your identity and enable a belief that you, too, are the kind of person who does things like this.
10:22 "Secretly, you don't want to do it. You just think you should want to do it." — "Basically, you value it for the wrong reasons." There are intrinsic and extrinsic reasons for valuing something. If it's something inside you, like interest or curiosity, it is intrinsic. Also, if you've "drawn a bright line" from doing it to accomplishing a long term goal, that could be intrinsic. I'd add, enjoyment would be intrinsic. An extrinsic reason, conversely, would be something like "All the cool people do it" or "My mom would be proud." Secretly, if all you have are extrinsic reasons for doing something, then maybe you don't really want to do it, and this holds you back from doing it. The workaround is to discover, find, create intrinsic reasons for doing it.
She's isolated three stages or three parts of what she calls "defensive failure" that might be holding you back from writing that first novel...or from doing anything you think you should be doing or want to be doing but just aren't. She gives strategies for overcoming those blocks.
Illuminating and accurate, I think.
2:52 "You think, somewhere in your heart, that you can't do it." — A belief that some people "have the talent or the genetics" to do it, but that you don't. Initial failures, and repeated failures, reinforce this belief. But talent and genetics aren't what lead to success; effort does. Repeated effort. Working at it.
5:44 "People like you don't do things like this." — Your identity or image of yourself is holding you back. We have very strong resistance to changing ourselves and our lives because we habitually, even irrationally, protect an identity we've already formed of ourselves. Example: You don't self-promote because that seems arrogant and pushy, and you're not that kind of person, right? Maybe you're so busy, always gotta do X, Y, Z—you're a caregiver, right?—so you don't have time for that anyway. Etc. [Second example is my own.] Finding like-minded people, i.e. people "like you" but who are accomplishing things similar to what you want to accomplish, may help you adjust your identity and enable a belief that you, too, are the kind of person who does things like this.
10:22 "Secretly, you don't want to do it. You just think you should want to do it." — "Basically, you value it for the wrong reasons." There are intrinsic and extrinsic reasons for valuing something. If it's something inside you, like interest or curiosity, it is intrinsic. Also, if you've "drawn a bright line" from doing it to accomplishing a long term goal, that could be intrinsic. I'd add, enjoyment would be intrinsic. An extrinsic reason, conversely, would be something like "All the cool people do it" or "My mom would be proud." Secretly, if all you have are extrinsic reasons for doing something, then maybe you don't really want to do it, and this holds you back from doing it. The workaround is to discover, find, create intrinsic reasons for doing it.
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