Writing about sex, intimacy and relationships

[A. E. Lowan]

If truth be told I never thought about it in that way but I can see why the story would come across that way. I largely saw it as a hero's journey adventure story.

I don't see why you couldn't do both. Hero's Journeys are often all about self-discovery, while adventure is happening left, right, and center. It gives depth and complexity to the character, can go a long way to explaining the initial Refusal of the Call, and can support the evidence of her transformation into someone to be reconned with.

 

[Miles Lacey]

It's been a crazy week so I haven't had time to write anything on this thread. Hero's journey and heroine discovering herself combined has always been a popular theme. I've always liked tough female characters so that fits in well with what I am aiming for.

 

[The Dark One]

I've already linked my Excellent Bonking scenes article a thousand times so I won't bother again, unless by popular acclaim...

Already been plenty of good advice in this thread so I'll just add what I say about every scene ever... put yourself in the scene. Immerse yourself in every sensory detail then just describe that.

Smell is always important in sex scenes.

Also, never forget that readers bring their own experience of sex (or their fantasies) to the table and will fill the gaps in your narrative with their own details. Tap into that and you'll kill it every time.

 

[JBCrowson]

I've already linked my Excellent Bonking scenes article a thousand times so I won't bother again, unless by popular acclaim...

Already been plenty of good advice in this thread so I'll just add what I say about every scene ever... put yourself in the scene. Immerse yourself in every sensory detail then just describe that.

Smell is always important in sex scenes.

Also, never forget that readers bring their own experience of sex (or their fantasies) to the table and will fill the gaps in your narrative with their own details. Tap into that and you'll kill it every time.

I agree with the idea that people bring a lot to the table (literally as well as figuratively ), both lived and wished, when it comes to sex scenes. With that in mind I have tended to hint and allude at what's gone on / going on to give space for people to create it their way in their mind's eye.

The other thing I'd add is I would vary the level of detail depending on the VP character for the scene - if the VP is a shy, very private person, it will be described differently than the same acts being witnessed from the VP of a sex worker. A noble exercising their droit de seigneur is going to experience it differently to the poor sod they're doing it with/to. If your character moves from being uncomfortable with sex to becoming much more open about it then the descriptions of sex scenes from their viewpoint can shift as well. That would reinforce the idea that they were developing as a person.

 

[Michael K. Eidson]

I wrote this thread because of a very unusual problem which has been the main reason why my work in progress has grind to a halt (aside from a technological issue a few weeks back).

How do I write about sex, intimacy or relationships if I have never experienced intimacy with anyone, had a relationship and my only sexual experience involved sex with sex workers on a handful of occasions?

It wouldn't be such an issue if I was a teenager or in my early 20s but I'm turning 55 years old this year!

Somehow I doubt readers would want to read about an eighteen year old female character who is on a quest with a group of companions who find her a great person to be around but who also find her so physically repulsive they actually throw up at the thought of seeing her in a bikini, let alone having sex with her.

For sex scenes, read the same books as your target audience to understand the kinds of scenes they expect, and write those kinds of scenes for your characters. If your target audience isn't expecting an erotic story, you can add some steamy scenes if you want, but then you run the risk of making some of your readers uncomfortable and would be better off writing fade-to-black scenes.

For relationships, the more a person likes another person or feels a responsibility towards them, the more thought or attention they'll give them, and the more concern they'll have for their well-being. The more thought and attention two people give each other, the stronger their relationship will be in the mind of a reader. It might be more complicated than that in real life, but it works in a story.

Intimacy can refer to sex, but other forms of intimacy come when a two-way relationship has advanced far enough that two people can give each other the kind of attention that might make them uncomfortable if their relationship weren't that strong. Touching, holding hands, staring into each other's eyes, kissing, conversing in whispers, and lying next to each other are examples of intimate behavior--or the pretense of intimacy.

Basically, the more you want your readers to believe there's a relationship--positive or negative--between two characters, the more thought and/or attention those two characters should give each other in the story. If two characters continually ignore each other with not even a thought about the other, then your readers aren't likely to buy into any relationship between them. You could state that two people are boyfriend and girlfriend, but if they don't give each other any attention or show any affection, your readers may think the "relationship" will be unable to endure if tested. As another example, you could say that one person is the archenemy of another person, but if there's never even a negative thought about the supposed archenemy, it's not believable.