Loss of control

[Tom]

So I'm writing a vampire novel, Frostbite. One of the big elements in it is the fact that vampires are unable to sleep. My MC, Will, is sick of the eternal wakefulness of vampire life, and longs to rest. He just wants his mind to shut down for a while so all the thoughts that have been driving him crazy will leave him alone.

Now, here's the thing. I'm kind of a control freak. I hate being unconscious, e.i. not in control of my body and surroundings. When I underwent my one and only invasive surgery, I nearly had a panic attack before they administered anesthesia. I did not want to go under. After the surgery, I knew I still wasn't fully in control, so even in a haze of anesthesia I kept my mouth shut to avoid turning into a blabbering idiot, and refused to allow anyone else to assist me in walking out of the recovery room. I am that obsessed with control. I never have and never will do drugs, not only because of my personal beliefs, but also because I do not want to experience an altered state of consciousness and therefore lose personal autonomy.

Will is pretty much wiling to do anything to lose consciousness for a while. He's that desperate. So, me being the way I am, how do I write from the POV of a character whose view of this situation is so different from mine?

 

[MineOwnKing]

Write down a short list of key words that could be used to describe your desires for control.

Use those key words as the key words for Will's desire.

Perhaps you're being too hard on yourself. Does falling in love bother you? I do not think we can control who we fall in love with completely.

Can you control which types of food you like? Probably not. It is impossible to control everything. Having an orgasm is the ultimate form of losing control. We give ourselves sensually to the moment. Everybody enjoys that.

Perhaps your vampire needs a vacation.

 

[Nimue]

Okay, not everyone enjoys that, particularly a lot of asexual people, and Tom is ace. So there's that.

I think for this sort of thing you need to dig deep into your writerly mind. Put it in terms of metaphor, image, or comparison. Will probably doesn't see unconsciousness as something being taken away from him, but as a gift--one of peace, respite. Compare it to something you enjoy and would willingly choose to do. If you're an introvert, think about the moment when you get to take a break after a long, social day. It is about withdrawal, a reduction of stimulation, and if you choose to do it, it's still under your control.

As always, the more you write with a character, the less foreign their mindset will become. Fake it 'til you make it is actually pretty good writing advice...

 

[Devor]

You're thinking in terms of control. I think your character would be thinking in terms of escape. He's stressed, there's pressure, there's no respite, every waking moment is a moment that he's got to deal with his demons. He wants out. He wants freedom - so that he can collapse and not feel every nerve in his body twinged and strained. He doesn't see control as something to be lost. He sees pressures that need to be escaped.

 

[skrite]

Okay, not everyone enjoys that, particularly a lot of asexual people, and Tom in ace. So there's that.

I think for this sort of thing you need to dig deep into your writerly mind. Put it in terms of metaphor, image, or comparison. Will probably doesn't see unconsciousness as something being taken away from him, but as a gift--one of peace, respite. Compare it to something you enjoy and would willingly choose to do. If you're an introvert, think about the moment when you get to take a break after a long, social day. It is about withdrawal, a reduction of stimulation, and if you choose to do it, it's still under your control.

As always, the more you write with a character, the less foreign their mindset will become. Fake it 'til you make it is actually pretty good writing advice...

I like this, good advice @Nimue.
Perhaps you could try to compare how you have been after the hardest you have ever spent time working, or studying, or writing.. remember how it felt to really desire to rest.

 

[Gryphos]

If you don't mind me saying, I have a character very similar to you in this respect. I mean, perhaps not to such an extreme degree as not wanting to be unconscious, but he won't drink alcohol because "his mind is his own, no one and nothing else's"

Anyways, back on point, I would really emphasise the fact that your character is just tired. Tired of everything. Seeing the world eternally pass by again and again, he'll start to believe there's just no point ... to anything. You know when you have to be around the same person for a super long period of time and after a while you just — it's not that you hate them, but it's like you just don't want to be around them anymore. Your character feels like that, but to the world. Anything would become preferable to being awake and having to experience the world.

 

[Svrtnsse]

Another aspect of losing control is that you delude yourself into thinking you're still in control. This is common among people who want another drink when they've already had plenty more than they ought to. I've got a section like that in my WiP:

Enar scrambled to get out of the hanging chair. He got to his feet, and the cider got to his head. Arms flailing to keep balance, he nearly keeled over and had to grab hold of a nearby chair to support himself. “Wooha! That cider's stronger than I realized,” he slurred.

“You alright there, my friend?” Rolf laughed. “Will you need me to help you up to the burrow?”

“No no. No no. No!” Enar hurried to say. “Nope. I'll be grand.” He sighed. “I'll be grand. Just took me by surprise is all. I can find my way up there on my own. It's not even that dark yet.” Arms wide, for balance, he made his way across the porch, almost straight for the steps down. He only miss-stepped once – or maybe twice. Not bad at all considering how many steps he'd taken today. It's only natural you take a wrong step now and then if you walk a lot. His average for the day was perfectly fine.

At the steps down he stopped, bent his knees and swung his arms back and forth. He gave a whooping shout and made a big frog's leap down from the porch. Sure, it was only two steps, but still; it was fun to jump and he didn't fall over when he landed. It doesn't count as falling over if you only have to touch the ground with one hand.

Sure, Enar's obviously wasted, but he's making up excuses for how he's really just perfectly normal, if maybe a bit tired.

 

[Tom]

Thanks, everybody, for the feedback and advice! I feel much more equipped to handle this aspect of my character now, and I really appreciate all the different points of view on it. I also realized that I have an opportunity to use this element of the story and another to create a dichotomy.

Will is a vampire, so control is also part of his life--he has to control his thirst. So, although he wants to lose control, he also has to keep an iron grip on it, to keep himself from doing something that's absolutely horrific in his eyes.

An interesting dilemma to write about. All in all, I think Frostbite has really benefited from the several threads I've posted about it here on MS. Thank you, guys, for continuing to help me out!

 

[Svrtnsse]

Will is a vampire, so control is also part of his life--he has to control his thirst. So, although he wants to lose control, he also has to keep an iron grip on it, to keep himself from doing something that's absolutely horrific in his eyes.

Or maybe he'll decide that he'd really like to see the sun again, and it can't burn that much now can it, just a tiny little glimpse - that's gotta be fine, right?

 

[Tom]

Actually, that's a scene I'm planning on writing. It...does not end well for him.

 

[Penpilot]

Will is pretty much wiling to do anything to lose consciousness for a while. He's that desperate. So, me being the way I am, how do I write from the POV of a character whose view of this situation is so different from mine?

Part of the skill of a writer is to learn how to use your empathy to put yourself into the shoes of another person who may be radically different than yourself. For myself, outside of rationalizing things, I try to draw on my own experiences and try to extrapolate using them.

In your case, have you ever been sleep deprived? Have you ever wanted to sleep but couldn't? Those are things you can use to put yourself into this character's shoes.

Question. Is there zero way for them to lose consciousness? No drugs, no bump on the head, nothing?

 

[Tom]

Question. Is there zero way for them to lose consciousness? No drugs, no bump on the head, nothing?

I...I'm really not sure.

When my vampires drink human blood, the blood is implemented in their own systems, and they become nearly human for a day or so. During that short window of time, they have normal human body functions, such as a heartbeat and respiration, and are capable of sleep. Frostbite actually opens with Will lying on a bed, wondering if he drank enough blood to give him the ability to sleep.

Other than that, I don't think there's a way you can make a vampire lose consciousness. At one point, Will's shot up with a tranquilizer by hunters, but doesn't lose consciousness, just becomes temporarily paralyzed. I really wanted to show how horrifying it would be to give a drug that induces sleep to a creature that is incapable of sleep.

 

[Svrtnsse]

The elves in my setting have a similar dilemma. They're immortal (in the sense that they don't die of old age), but they're not immune to boredom or depression. One of the ways they have of getting away from it all is to shut their minds off. Essentially, all higher mental functions get put on standby and they revert to a feral state where they're basically humanoid animals.

This probably doesn't fit in this particular setting, but it strikes me as something that might work for vampires as well. They transform, by both body and mind, into some kind of nocturnal animal for a period of time.

 

[Penpilot]

I...I'm really not sure.

When my vampires drink human blood, the blood is implemented in their own systems, and they become nearly human for a day or so. During that short window of time, they have normal human body functions, such as a heartbeat and respiration, and are capable of sleep. Frostbite actually opens with Will lying on a bed, wondering if he drank enough blood to give him the ability to sleep.

Other than that, I don't think there's a way you can make a vampire lose consciousness. At one point, Will's shot up with a tranquilizer by hunters, but doesn't lose consciousness, just becomes temporarily paralyzed. I really wanted to show how horrifying it would be to give a drug that induces sleep to a creature that is incapable of sleep.

Interesting take on the blood drinking.

If you want to read up on being awake an not being able to move, check out the condition of sleep paralysis. I suffer from this and it used to be pretty frightening, until I figured out what it was. It didn't help when a friend told me of the Chinese explanation for it, which roughly translates as ghost crush. They say that the reason you can't move is because a ghost is sitting on your chest. It didn't help I would hear whispering voices too.

 

[Tom]

I sometimes go through sleep paralysis as well. It really is a terrifying experience. The European legend of the 'nightmare', a phantom horse that sat on its victims' chests, is also said to be based on sleep paralysis.

And...I am out of Thanks bullets. That's what happens when you don't stock your magazine before going on a Thanking spree.

 

[Lunaairis]

Okay folks get ready for a story.

A few years ago I used to have terrible spouts of insomnia as well as projects due in 24 hours and not being even close to finishing them so I would have to stay up in order to complete them.
Then last year due to the stress of school I would lay awake most nights, or what I'd call "blink sleeping" would occur. I'm not sure if there is a scientific term or something for it, or diagnosis or anything but blink sleeping is where you would lay down to sleep just blink and hours would pass by without feeling like you have rested. All I wanted was a good nights rest yet proper sleep would never come to me because I was just so stressed.

Without sleep I was a wreck. I cut my hair short so I wouldn't have to deal with it in the morning. I didn't want to be near anyone. If people were too loud I'd yell at them or move some place else. I stopped talking to people. Always felt super weak and since then I've had this dead look to my eyes.

Through out all of this I would think 'I'll just work for one more hour,' or ' It's okay its only 3 am I will still have 3 hours to sleep.' You know just trying to convince myself that this was how my life was going to be as an animator and that I could survive this!

NOPE. I needed sleep and like hell was I going to let school **** me over.

I tried a bunch of stuff at first to try and fix this awful lack of sleep,like exercising before bed or changing my diet. There was even a short time I tried drinking- but I hate the taste of alcohol and it would leave me not only laying awake but also paranoid.

I eventually went to my doctor to see if there was anything to help me sleep. I got prescribed this sleeping medication although I can't remember the name of it. It worked rather quickly so I'd take it right before bed.

I remember once I took it but didn't go to bed right away and instead surfed the internet for a bit. It didn't make me sleepy, no it was more like dizzy. I would scroll by pictures online and they would ripple a bit and seem to move. I knew it was the medication and laughed quietly to myself that this was probably what everyone means by 'drug trip'. I haven't taken it again, I don't think I'll need to. Schools chilled a lot since then and I'll be done in a few weeks.

 

[Caged Maiden]

So I've had sleeping problems since I was a teen. I'm 34 and going through a bout of it now. It isn't that I can't fall asleep, it's that I want to make the most of my time, and try to "finish one more thing" before I turn in. Well I've discovered anxiety was at the root of my problems there for a few years. By that I mean I'd try to lay down, but my thoughts wouldn't leave me alone, so I'd do anything to distract myself, until I passed out, basically. Just whatever it took to stop thinking.

Well, my record is 84 hours without sleep. At 84 hours, it's like tripping on acid. Things move, you hear voices, and the hallucinations are totally real, not like phantom deer on the side of the nighttime road. It's totally chaotic on your senses and you sorta go totally mad. I did it for months, where I would stay up 48 hours then sleep six, then be up another 48 or whatever.

As an adult, I find it's no longer worried thoughts that keep me awake, but my endless search for "alone time" since I have four little kids and often don't get any time during the day to sit back and write or whatever. So I would push my limits to the extreme, even once falling asleep with my computer on my chest in bed and burning my hand because it was resting on the fan. Passing out from tiredness isn't fun.

I think your take on vampires is really inventive and clever. I don't know whether my experience gives you any ideas, but there they are for your consideration.

 

[Tom]

Hey, thanks to both of you guys for sharing your experiences. Hey Lunaairis, I've heard of the whole "blink sleep" thing. I don't remember its real name, but we studied it in my psych class last semester--it's a real phenomenon. It's what happens when your brain is at its absolute maximum limit and needs to shut down so it can clear away the accumulated neurosynaptic junk and restore proper function.

@CM, I've been thinking about the fact that sleep deprivation drives you crazy, and I definitely want to explore it. I'm thinking about making it so my vampires have to always be occupied--always have to have something to do--or they'll start to suffer hallucinations and altered thought processes and basically descend into insanity. This might be part of the reason why Will just wants to rest. He's so tired of ceaseless activity.

EDIT: Hey, I remembered the term! I think it's called "micro-sleeps", Lunaairis.