Basics of My world. Need some feedback.

[Bortasz]

1. The main land that I will be writing about was created by meteorite thousand years ago.
https://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/763x759q90/673/CJ1tqI.png This is just example of map.
The red centre is constant magic storm.
Blue is sea.
Green is land.
The crater have 3766 km in diameter. Is the entire Mediterranean sea from the Gibraltar to Haifa.

2. There are many different species that are sentient. Elf, Dwarf, Human, Troll. Etcetera.
- All species are immigrants from other worlds.
- The Magic storm in the middle is place from with new creatures come to this world.

3. The Technologies is around early Medieval. 500 after Christ.

4. The world was having the waves of colonization by different races. Every new species colonize around the crater. The new races either exterminate old race, subjugate them, or drive them away from the sea.

5. The newest race are Humans. They Immigrate from ancient Rome.
- They are the Roman's them self and Slavic slaves.
- They subjugate some races, and try to exterminate other's.
- Humans use two language. Latin(High Borne, Nobles, Rules), and Slavic(Majority of humans, slaves.)

6. The recent History.
500 years ago Human show up.
400 years ago the last non Human kingdom fail. The Second Holy Roman Empire rule over entire crater. The races that where not enslave where driven to the wastelands or exterminated.
100 Years ago the "Mad" Silver Mage try to became a God. (He sucks life from all humans slave instantly. Killing directly and indirectly 1/3 of human population.)
- This event cause the God's wrath / Mage Storm(The red circle grow to almost entire sea). Part's of Empire where cut off from each other.
70 Years ago The magic storm return to it normal size. But, that 30 years of separation create many human and non human kingdoms to rise.
Currently there are now major wars.
Slavery is almost gone. Do to economical reason. Slaves are expensive, and nobody want one more time create situation that cause the God's wrath.

7. There is magic in this world. Currently I want 4 types of magic, but I have concrete ideas for just 2.

- Gold magic. - Is the divine magic, that holy people use. It's the rarest and the most powerful one. Using it is like taking the best drug ever. You literally feel the love of God/God's. Sadly the user of Gold magic turn in to the Gold statues. The "dead" saint people are put in public. They usually do one MAJOR miracle, like saving the entire town from plague, and stop permanently. There is no possibilities of turning saint back to the life. There is no power limit. Saint's ad best decide how quickly they want meet a god. There is less than 1 in a Milion people that use this type of magic.

- Silver - This is the cursed branch of magic. The user's of Silver magic are deadly, powerful, and have attitude of starving tiger with a sore tooth. They are easy to spot since they have silver scares on there bodies. Using this magic is painful to the point that bigger "spells" can kill the users or give the real wounds. Using this magic is like self-immolation. When you do this, you have F****** good reason to do this, and in the most cases you want hurt other's. Most people don't survived the first time. Does who do with training, patience and big tolerance to the pain can learn to use Silver magic without killing them selves. They do not have specialization. They can heal, manipulate energy. Do anything. But they pay in pain. This type of magic is popular (1 in 1000) But only 1 in 100 survive first use. So practically only 1 in 100 000 people can be a Silver mage. The power of this type of Mages depend purely on they bodies/mind resistance to pain.

The two magic styles that i have no concrete fission are Cooper and Iron magic. Any suggestion for this? I need some practical but weak magic. Magic can be use by all races.

8. The circle that you see on map is not all green and good.
The North is cold place. With little cities and places to stop. The ports there freeze in the winter.
South is mostly desert.
The middle belt of the circle is the most fertile land, and it is place with majority of population/ the most amount of cities.
South and North are places where are majority of non human kingdoms.

9. The crater is the richest land, since it allow quickest travel, and the biggest cities are build around it(This is place where all new races land for the first time). All kingdoms fight for the access to the crater, ore if they have it. Fight for domination over the crater.

10. Magic storm in the middle is constant hazard. everybody try to swim near the shores. Sea monster's are also present.

11. Reason why Humans dominate world.
- They are more organize then other races (Goblins)
- They birth rate is higher and they mature quicker then other races. (Dwarf, Elf)
So they have more organize/disciplined army, and can quicker renew there numbers.

12. Little about other races.
Dwarf's has the biggest amount of slow twitch muscles fibres. They can walk/fight/work for days without being tired. There woman are equal to the man. But they do not have big amount of children's. If they where not long-lived they would be extinct. They life around 200 years, they are grown ups around 30, pregnancy is around 12 month's
Elf's have the biggest amount of fast twitching muscles. The average human can work/fight twice as long as Elf, and ten times longer walk. But Elf's can for very short amount of time move extremely fast. (Something like berserk.) They can life to a thousand years. They grown up around 120. Pregnancy is around 15 months.
Goblin's are small, quickly reproduce race. They are not very bright, and mostly use simple tools, or stuff stolen from others. Sometimes, the smart specimen show up, and than they can be dangerous. They are grown ups when they are 7, but die to the old age around 25-30. Pregnancy last 6 months.

13. There are many Human religion.
- The Christianite. (Early variation)
- Ancient Rome religion. (Mars, Venus)
- Slavic slaves religion.

What you think about this? Any extra ideas?

 

[ThinkerX]

Sounds a great deal like my world, right down to the round ocean (though mine is larger) and the roman style human culture - though I have others. And like your world, the various races all came from elsewhere (brought by the ancient aliens). And magic is much rarer than your world.

Still...

Copper Magic: Petty tricks - illusions, love charms, firework type spells. Long term users become eccentric, possibly even insane, with emphasis on hallucinations.

Iron Magic: Able to increase strength and speed for themselves only upon demand. Internal healing. Partial immunity to other types of magic. Warrior types.

From your post, English is not your first language.

 

[Bortasz]

The Roman culture is dominating. Put since they bring slaves there are others. But they are dominated human culture.

Hmmm nice ideas for Cooper and Iron.

Yes English is not my first language.

 

[Gurkhal]

2. There are many different species that are sentient. Elf, Dwarf, Human, Troll. Etcetera.
- All species are immigrants from other worlds.
- The Magic storm in the middle is place from with new creatures come to this world.

Ok, so how have different races and creatures reacted to this? Do they have armies standing there ready to face new threats that emerge?

3. The Technologies is around early Medieval. 500 after Christ.

Ok

4. The world was having the waves of colonization by different races. Every new species colonize around the crater. The new races either exterminate old race, subjugate them, or drive them away from the sea.

Sounds logical.

5. The newest race are Humans. They Immigrate from ancient Rome.
- They are the Roman's them self and Slavic slaves.
- They subjugate some races, and try to exterminate other's.
- Humans use two language. Latin(High Borne, Nobles, Rules), and Slavic(Majority of humans, slaves.)

This is somewhat confusing for me. If they are immigrants from ancient Rome when, during the time of the Roman Empire, because it will be very different if they are from the Republic, Principate or Late Empire.

How do the Slavs come in if the huamns are immigrants from ancient Rome? This is fairly confusing for me when looking down at more other information. You write that Slavs are slaves, yet most slaves are dead after the Mad Silver Mage, yet why would a people as elitistic and stratified as the Romans lower themselves to speak the tongue of the slaves? Wouldn't there be a huge social rift between the Plebians and the Slavs, which the Patricians would be able to exploit to strenghten their position? Or am I totally off here?

6. The recent History.
500 years ago Human show up.
400 years ago the last non Human kingdom fail. The Second Holy Roman Empire rule over entire crater. The races that where not enslave where driven to the wastelands or exterminated.
100 Years ago the "Mad" Silver Mage try to became a God. (He sucks life from all humans slave instantly. Killing directly and indirectly 1/3 of human population.)
- This event cause the God's wrath / Mage Storm(The red circle grow to almost entire sea). Part's of Empire where cut off from each other.
70 Years ago The magic storm return to it normal size. But, that 30 years of separation create many human and non human kingdoms to rise.
Currently there are now major wars.
Slavery is almost gone. Do to economical reason. Slaves are expensive, and nobody want one more time create situation that cause the God's wrath.

Ok.

7. There is magic in this world. Currently I want 4 types of magic, but I have concrete ideas for just 2.

- Gold magic. - Is the divine magic, that holy people use. It's the rarest and the most powerful one. Using it is like taking the best drug ever. You literally feel the love of God/God's. Sadly the user of Gold magic turn in to the Gold statues. The "dead" saint people are put in public. They usually do one MAJOR miracle, like saving the entire town from plague, and stop permanently. There is no possibilities of turning saint back to the life. There is no power limit. Saint's ad best decide how quickly they want meet a god. There is less than 1 in a Milion people that use this type of magic.

- Silver - This is the cursed branch of magic. The user's of Silver magic are deadly, powerful, and have attitude of starving tiger with a sore tooth. They are easy to spot since they have silver scares on there bodies. Using this magic is painful to the point that bigger "spells" can kill the users or give the real wounds. Using this magic is like self-immolation. When you do this, you have F****** good reason to do this, and in the most cases you want hurt other's. Most people don't survived the first time. Does who do with training, patience and big tolerance to the pain can learn to use Silver magic without killing them selves. They do not have specialization. They can heal, manipulate energy. Do anything. But they pay in pain. This type of magic is popular (1 in 1000) But only 1 in 100 survive first use. So practically only 1 in 100 000 people can be a Silver mage. The power of this type of Mages depend purely on they bodies/mind resistance to pain.

The two magic styles that i have no concrete fission are Cooper and Iron magic. Any suggestion for this? I need some practical but weak magic. Magic can be use by all races.

Alright, although since I'm not so high on making extensive magical systems I shall decline this.

11. Reason why Humans dominate world.
- They are more organize then other races (Goblins)
- They birth rate is higher and they mature quicker then other races. (Dwarf, Elf)
So they have more organize/disciplined army, and can quicker renew there numbers.

Sounds pretty well thought out so I can buy this, especially if the human military are heirs to the Roman legions.

12. Little about other races.
Dwarf's has the biggest amount of slow twitch muscles fibres. They can walk/fight/work for days without being tired. There woman are equal to the man. But they do not have big amount of children's. If they where not long-lived they would be extinct. They life around 200 years, they are grown ups around 30, pregnancy is around 12 month's
Elf's have the biggest amount of fast twitching muscles. The average human can work/fight twice as long as Elf, and ten times longer walk. But Elf's can for very short amount of time move extremely fast. (Something like berserk.) They can life to a thousand years. They grown up around 120. Pregnancy is around 15 months.
Goblin's are small, quickly reproduce race. They are not very bright, and mostly use simple tools, or stuff stolen from others. Sometimes, the smart specimen show up, and than they can be dangerous. They are grown ups when they are 7, but die to the old age around 25-30. Pregnancy last 6 months.

Alright. But what kind of social stuff do they have going on? Are the Goblins tribal, the dwarfs monarchial and elves democratic or what is going on with them?

13. There are many Human religion.
- The Christianite. (Early variation)
- Ancient Rome religion. (Mars, Venus)
- Slavic slaves religion.

Sounds ok with me in regards to the religions although as a word of caution I would say that polytheistic traditions might not be as clear cut as monotheistic borders are. Also you might want to decide at what time your Romans came here because if they came late, they might bring fellows like Apollo and Mithras with Jupiter and Mars as well as philosophy while if they come from the Republic they would bring more Italic gods with them and have a culture less tolerant of questions of the power of traditions.

But these are my thoughts and I know that I could be wrong.

 

[Bortasz]

Ok, so how have different races and creatures reacted to this? Do they have armies standing there ready to face new threats that emerge?

- All Kingdoms have strong navies, that patrol sea, around the storm.
- Coasts are the most populated, most urbanized and most fortified parts of all kingdoms.
- All kingdoms have standing Armies.
- If you go far from the coast you entering more wild areas.
- The science/profits/astrologer try to guess when next race will show up.

This is somewhat confusing for me. If they are immigrants from ancient Rome when, during the time of the Roman Empire, because it will be very different if they are from the Republic, Principate or Late Empire.

How do the Slavs come in if the huamns are immigrants from ancient Rome? This is fairly confusing for me when looking down at more other information. You write that Slavs are slaves, yet most slaves are dead after the Mad Silver Mage, yet why would a people as elitistic and stratified as the Romans lower themselves to speak the tongue of the slaves? Wouldn't there be a huge social rift between the Plebians and the Slavs, which the Patricians would be able to exploit to strenghten their position? Or am I totally off here?

Oki more details.
- The Humans migrate after dead of Hadrian. 140 after Christ.
- For Christian is now 640 after Christ.
- The Romans bring with them many slaves. Slavic workers, and Greek teachers.
- After landing, some slaves where free thanks to their accomplishments. Many humans remain as a slaves. In 400 years, there where many freed slaves.
- There was gigantic rift between Patrician(True Romans) and plebeians. Ad some point it was treating the stability of Empire. But than:
- Silver Mage genocide bring more equality between Romans(Patricians) and Slavic(Plebeians).
* Since all humans slaves die there was lack of work force. Rich patrician where force to work like poor plebeians. Some of the intelligent Slavic people use 30 years of chaos to fight for there rights. Many of that 1/3 decease humans die from Hunger, when there was lack of slaves working on farms and do to disease (In some places there where not enough people to bury bodies.)
* Other races also use the chaos to fight for there rights/lands.

Sounds pretty well thought out so I can buy this, especially if the human military are heirs to the Roman legions.

- Yes they are. Practically all humans kingdoms copy the Romans Legions, but some add/change some minore thinks do to they localisation and resources. One use more cavalry, because they have access to big amount of horses. Other more heavy rely on the siege equipment, because they have more cities with skilled craftsman's.

Alright. But what kind of social stuff do they have going on? Are the Goblins tribal, the dwarfs monarchial and elves democratic or what is going on with them?

- The dwarfs: The Humans expansion was very destructive to the Dwarfs. Romans practically adore them as slaves. The expedition to catch young dwarfs where one of the most profitable industries in the Empire.
The difference between humans and dwarfs start in man-woman relation. For them there is no distinguish between sexes. They don't even use woman-man words in their laws. Only Person.
Than we have parenting. Parent of child is person who give money for his needs. So even if dwarf mother born a child, she will not be consider his parent if somebody else will be paying for the shelter/food of the baby. Since dwarf woman have very few symptoms of being pregnant (Practically none besides bigger appetite) they are fully capable of hard work, even to the last days of pregnancy.
"He who take responsibilities for the child(Give money for it) is child parent."
Also if Human was spending money for the needs of dwarf child(Hiring a wet nurse for example) he will be consider the parent.
Religion: Dwarf near the coast consider the Humans Roman gods to be the Dwarfen gods. But sadly the humans small mind, and lack of understanding twisted teaching of gods.
Dwarf are organize in to covenant. Covenant always says who is it leader, or how he is chose. The ways of getting in or our of covenant are always stipulate in the covenant. You always know what is demanded from you in the covenant, and what you get in the return. The covenant are create for purpose. The most establish covenant are:
Unions - usually means marriage. But all personal covenants are called Union. For example Union of Brothers raised by the same Parents.
Commonwealth - Is the biggest covenant that can be. Is practically a constitution that set's bases of dwarf ruled nation.
Order - The covenant created to archive single goal. Order of mason's and carpenters can be created to create a bridge. But also Order covenant can be created to to take revenge for crimes.

- Thanks to longevity of Elf, there culture was almost untouched by humans expansion. Almost make difference.
The smallest social unite is Family.
The Families are ruled by the oldest member.
The rulers are honoured by title Ancient one.
Example: The Ancient one have just 2 living children's. If she die her family is split in to two new ones. One for each child.
Marriage between elf's is always set for concrete amount years. If in marriage will have children, the marriage is extended to the time the children reach adulthood.
Marriage by tradition join the family of older one. So if Husband have 300 years, and Wife have 301 years, they are consider part of the wife's family.
The Elf's don't have gods. They do not prey. They honour memory of there ancestors, by perfecting role they ancestors life them. So family of famous soldier try perfect the Soldiers role. Family of Famous Musician perfect playing his instrument.
Sadly the Humans expansion influence the youngest Elf's. They want find new ways, and don't want perfecting the old ones.
The elf's are not very incline to change. But there is one kingdom ruled by Elfish teens.
The Ancient Ones form a Lodge.

- Goblins are very primitive tribal race. They are consider to be vermin by other races and relentlessly exterminated. They are matriarchal society ruled by the most fertile woman. Little is know about there culture, since nobody rely care to examine it.

Other races. I'm considering having total of 10 races.
Main/Fantasy Axis of Evil - Television Tropes & Idioms 5 evil ones.
Main/Five Races - Television Tropes & Idioms 5 good ones.

From the evil ones I'm working on the Trolls and Ogres. I lack Idea for the total of 4 races (2 good and 2 bad) Any suggestion?

Sounds ok with me in regards to the religions although as a word of caution I would say that polytheistic traditions might not be as clear cut as monotheistic borders are. Also you might want to decide at what time your Romans came here because if they came late, they might bring fellows like Apollo and Mithras with Jupiter and Mars as well as philosophy while if they come from the Republic they would bring more Italic gods with them and have a culture less tolerant of questions of the power of traditions.

But these are my thoughts and I know that I could be wrong.

Good point I must do more research about this. Or do little "miracle" working and streamline the religions.

What you think about this? Also pleas add more question. For me is more easy to answering concrete question than coming up on the "What describe now".

 

[Rivyenphx]

9. The crater is the richest land, since it allow quickest travel, and the biggest cities are build around it(This is place where all new races land for the first time). All kingdoms fight for the access to the crater, ore if they have it. Fight for domination over the crater.

10. Magic storm in the middle is constant hazard. everybody try to swim near the shores. Sea monster's are also present.





Just a little confused on Points 9# & 10#. The storm is the red center, but... it is also the place where the new races "land". First, how did the new races survive the magical storm and second, why are they "appearing" in the red center?


I like the way you have used the Metal Tiers to divide out your magic system! Cool approach.

Good luck with this! It sounds intriguing!

 

[Bortasz]

9. The crater is the richest land, since it allow quickest travel, and the biggest cities are build around it(This is place where all new races land for the first time). All kingdoms fight for the access to the crater, ore if they have it. Fight for domination over the crater.

10. Magic storm in the middle is constant hazard. everybody try to swim near the shores. Sea monster's are also present.





Just a little confused on Points 9# & 10#. The storm is the red center, but... it is also the place where the new races "land". First, how did the new races survive the magical storm and second, why are they "appearing" in the red center?


I like the way you have used the Metal Tiers to divide out your magic system! Cool approach.

Good luck with this! It sounds intriguing!

When conjunction(World are connected) happen the new races came from magic Storm.
The magic that move them to this world is in there body in there ships, livestock everything that they poses.
And that magic protect them from the storm. It' fade away with time but first generation that land on the crater is usually extremely healthy, little stronger and more durable, heal quicker, life longer. Have the highest number of Mages. This is also the reason why new races are always very dangerous to already living in the crater.
The second generation have some benefits also. Third is going back to being normal.
They do not land in the storm. There came from it.
They appear in the center because there is the gateway between the worlds. In theory you can, if you wish, try use it.

 

[intipablo]

Sound Brilliant! I can't add much or help you lots, but i just posted this because it was a cool idea