Hi hi !!

[Abigail Rosd]

I'm a hobbyist working on my book on Fae vs. Knights, and am hoping to better its magic system. It's been a long time since I've used a forum but this site looks pretty straightforward. Looking forward to talking with you all

 

[pmmg]

Howdy Abigail, Welcome here.

 

[Abigail Rosd]

Howdy Abigail, Welcome here.

Thank you!!

 

[pmmg]

So what's wrong with the magic system you got?

 

[Abigail Rosd]

So what's wrong with the magic system you got?

Well, not a problem, per se, but a plot hole. I've been trying to give my fae believable flaws, so I thought I could establish a vampiric magic system for them? One where, if you want to use your magic, you drain the energy/lifesource from another creature.

I've seen it done in Vanessa Len's Only a Monster, where the magic users are time travelers, and the cost to travel back 20 years in time is 20 years of human life (from one of many individuals)

The fae in my world have elemental magic, and have been kidnapping people for years, to the point that a job description was created to go retrieve the taken. I just...haven't established a reason why they're being taken . Mostly I'm wondering what the fae could take from the Kingsmen (humans) that would be emotionally impactful? The fae aren't wholly evil (My MC is one) and wouldn't really want to do this thing. Thoughts?

 

[pmmg]

Why would it not drain 20 years from them all?

taking a tribute of young adults would do it. They dont have to be evil. They just have to have a reason.

 

[pmmg]

I dont think vampire magic as a way of punishing the fea is enough to want to employ it.

Suppose the fea have imprisoned or subdues an ancient dragon. By any account of the immortal races, the dragon will not live much longer but the fact remains, it wakes up every 70-90 years and demands a tribute. The fea have not shared with the humans, and a band of them get together to kidnap the required number when the demand returns.

The fea may views this as no bodies business but they own. They have a way to take care of it and dont wish to discuss it further. Thus they have arrogance, which is a flaw. The humans, not understanding this, may raize a big fuss, but the fae know then can simply outlive any discontented, and that it wont go on much longer--the dragon is ancient.

You have a good reason there to show the conflict as not good or evil, just more of fae-ish pride, and more neutral or indifferent value system coming from them.

 

[Abigail Rosd]

Why would it not drain 20 years from them all?

taking a tribute of young adults would do it. They dont have to be evil. They just have to have a reason.

So like a them-or-us situation? That could work. I liked that dynamic in How to Train Your Dragon (if they didn't bring back enough food, they'd be eaten themselves?)

I dont think vampire magic as a way of punishing the fea is enough to want to employ it.

Suppose the fea have imprisoned or subdues an ancient dragon. By any account of the immortal races, the dragon will not live much longer but the fact remains, it wakes up every 70-90 years and demands a tribute. The fea have not shared with the humans, and a band of them get together to kidnap the required number when the demand returns.

The fea may views this as no bodies business but they own. They have a way to take care of it and dont wish to discuss it further. Thus they have arrogance, which is a flaw. The humans, not understanding this, may raize a big fuss, but the fae know then can simply outlive any discontented, and that it wont go on much longer--the dragon is ancient.

You have a good reason there to show the conflict as not good or evil, just more of fae-ish pride, and more neutral or indifferent value system coming from them.

That is a good point! A Situation like what I described is not an internal flaw. And I do like your idea that it's not necessarily the fae that are killing them, just delivering. And that does create an effective time bomb, too. If the required amount are not delivered, they would have to defeat the dragon

 

[Abigail Rosd]

It would also be a good reason for the two sides to decide to work together. I've been looking for a reason for that, for the Final Battle. They could blame each other, but both their homes are going to get toasted if they don't rally

 

[Abigail Rosd]

I dont think vampire magic as a way of punishing the fea is enough to want to employ it.

Suppose the fea have imprisoned or subdues an ancient dragon. By any account of the immortal races, the dragon will not live much longer but the fact remains, it wakes up every 70-90 years and demands a tribute. The fea have not shared with the humans, and a band of them get together to kidnap the required number when the demand returns.

The fea may views this as no bodies business but they own. They have a way to take care of it and dont wish to discuss it further. Thus they have arrogance, which is a flaw. The humans, not understanding this, may raize a big fuss, but the fae know then can simply outlive any discontented, and that it wont go on much longer--the dragon is ancient.

You have a good reason there to show the conflict as not good or evil, just more of fae-ish pride, and more neutral or indifferent value system coming from them.

I am impressed at your ability to create effective narrative conflict so easily. I love this idea

 

[minta]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Abigail Rosd]

Welcome to the forum.

Thank you! Happy to be here

 

[xena]

Welcome! Glad to have you here.

 

[pmmg]

I am impressed at your ability to create effective narrative conflict so easily. I love this idea

I've been at it for a lot of years.

I dont know your story idea, but if the elves have a problem, and they are harvesting humans to keep it at bay, it could easily lead to an alliance to remove it once and for all, then they can address the issues of justice afterwards. You are free to use, of course. I am here to help.

 

[Abigail Rosd]

I've been at it for a lot of years.

I dont know your story idea, but if the elves have a problem, and they are harvesting humans to keep it at bay, it could easily lead to an alliance to remove it once and for all, then they can address the issues of justice afterwards. You are free to use, of course. I am here to help.

Bless you .. I've been struggling with actual story structure for two years and it finally feels palpable

 

[pmmg]

Well...we are still in the intro thread. You should probably move on to the other sections of the site

All stories need great characters, and a good setting, but its conflict that makes stories. You need to work on what the conflict is. With that in hand, you have a story to work with.


In the one above, perhaps, farmhand in love with local girl taken as tribute goes to win her back. He discovered the elves have fear of a great evil in the woods and if he wants the girl back he's gonna have to face it. Putting together a band of elves and humans who are sicks of the status quo and want to bring about change, he leads them into a struggle against a great evil in a dark land. He saves the girl but knows it is not enough, they must destroy the evil as well.

^Sounds like a story to me.

 

[Abigail Rosd]

Well...we are still in the intro thread. You should probably most on to the other sections of the site

All stories need great characters, and a good setting, but its conflict that makes stories. You need to work on what the conflict is. With that in hand, you have a story to work with.


In the one above, perhaps, farmhand in love with local girl taken as tribute goes to win her back. He discovered the elves have fear of a great evil in the woods and if he wants the girl back he's gonna have to face it. Putting together a band of elves and humans who are sicks of the status quo and want to bring about change, he leads them into a struggle against a great evil in a dark land. He saves the girl but know it is not enough, they must destroy the evil as well.

^Sounds like a story to me.

Oh gosh I have more than that I have filled notebooks with ideas, but I've just been going in circles without structure. But that's an amazing idea!! I'll make a new post in the other thread about my next step and hopefully I can explain a little better what I've got

 

[pmmg]

There are plenty of threads on story structure. The three act story structure is probably the best place to start.