How to 'kill' the he said/she said habit?

[A. E. Lowan]

I was not able to answer this one properly in my first drive by, so...back I am.

I think there is a type hierarchy to dialog tags, and as we grow as writers we move along the tree, improving out tool bag, and finding new ways to make the writing engaging. I was going to try and write all this in a portfolio entry, but I've been sidetracked by many things.

Anyway....in brief:


Worst is using anything but said.

"Hey?" Bob shouted.

"Go away," Catchy growled.

"But, I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the movies," Bob pleaded.

"Not if you were the last man on earth," Cathy snapped.

Too much of that, and readers will think you are a beginner. Once in a while, okay, but every dialog tag and it just wears thin and trite.


Better--using said:

"Hey," Bob said.

"Go away," said Cathy.

"But, I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the movies," said Bob.

"Not if you were the last man on earth," said Cathy.



Better than that--Using action beats.

"Hey," Bob said, running over to catch Cathy before she closed her locker.

"Go away," said Cathy, turning away from him and slamming her locker closed with a huff.

"But, I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the movies," Bob said, his hands open, and eyebrows scrunching up to question.

"Not if you were the last man on earth," said Cathy, turning away and stamping her foot.



A neat trick--Not using said at all.

"Hey." Bob ran over to catch Cathy before she closed her locker.

"Go away." Cathy turned away from him and slamming her locker closed with a huff.

"But, I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the movies."

"Not if you were the last man on earth." Cathy turned away and stamped her foot.



Putting it all together -- using variety

"Hey," Bob said as he ran over to catch Cathy before she closed her locker.

"Go away." Cathy growled, turning away from him and slamming her locker closed.

"But, I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the movies."

"Not if you were the last man on earth." said Cathy.


The art -- knowing when

This is all on you. Yes, you have to break up long sections of he said, she said, he said, she said. But if you over use one, its will start to glare. Many authors write to avoid using dialog tags at all (such as AELowans example above), and the industry seems to like that, but really...sometimes its needed to add clarity. I like using said, cause I like its resonance at time. Some sentences need the extra beat, others don't. Adding action beats is more engaging and more immersive, you should look to break things up by adding them. I think a combo of Lowan and Prince of Spires is about right

I love this breakdown. Well thought out.

 

[Adaddinsane]

I mean obvious answer is practice. And maybe reading some good books too.
I'm doing a little better about it recently? but I'd still like to get rid of it if I can.

I am also wondering if words like stated / shouted etc could be adapted.

"Said" is invisible which means it's ideal for indicating who's speaking.

The trick with dialog tags is to use them only when it's becoming unclear who's talking. (Something that's come up with the narrators of some of my audiobooks - they use the wrong voice because it wasn't obvious.)

And use adverbs sparingly - you don't need them at all if it's clear from the dialog itself *how* the words were said. ("Sarcastically" is almost always needed since the words do not generally convey the actual meaning - quite the opposite.)

 

[LittleOwlbear]

It only becomes an issue, if you overuse it, it's the same with everything.
You can overuse the "[Dialogue line]." [Action]-strategy too.
People don't do something, or change their voice or facional expression, everytime they say a new sentence. Some things are just... said.