Project Archangels

[SampsonO'Ryan]

Hi my name is Sampson O'Ryan. I have a book coming out this winter. I received a book deal through Fulton Books Inc. The title of my book is called project Archangels. Hope u enjoy this free sample.Project Archangels

 

[pmmg]

I don't think Fulton Books is a publisher. They are a service. Are you paying them to get your book published?

Reading the sample that you posted, I do not believe you are ready to be a published author. There are many issues with grammar and punctuation. Stuff that would never get you past a slush pile. While I encourage you to keep at it, I think you have a journey into craft before you are ready to hit a market.

Just two examples from the text....

"Is everything o.k. Molly?" I replied.

o.k. is text speak. The actual word is Okay. OK or O.K. if you want the shorthand.

"Yo teach." "You're late". One of my students named Michael yelled.

I don't like any of this sentence. Quotes are not meant to be used in that manner, two phrases butted up against each other. And the attribution is shoe-horned in to force the students name into the sentence. Does the student even matter? it could be just a voice in the crowd.

"Yo, Teach," yelled one of my students. "You're late." It was Michael.

The whole second chapter is one giant paragraph? Probably a formatting issue, but is that how you want to appear before the public?

To pick up on another thread, I did not see where the time travel paradox was answered, and I don't feel I had my mind blown. I personally have never tried DMT, but its on my bucket list. Maybe that would blow my mind.

 

[pmmg]

Just doing some of my own research, I would personally stay away from Fulton books. They seem more likely on the scam side of the equation.

Vanity press - Wikipedia

 

[Prince of Spires]

Welcome Sampson.

Unfortunatly I agree with pmmg 's assessment. I only read the first 2 pages, but it needs a lot of work. Much of it is in passive voice (I was named after a character, I was studying, As I was walking to go lecture, and so on). Also, the whole introduction isn't needed. Either make it interesting, or skip it. Now it's just a vague summary of the protagonist's life, but it doesn't seem to add anything. It tell us the main character was bullied, but little else. Same with the name. It's very vague. If he was named after a fictional character, he would know it.

The slit experiment you mention your character discovering isn't all that special. It was already discovered in 1801 for light and in 1927 for particles. Also, a real character wouldn't behave in such a way. If a scientist made a ground-breaking discovery, then he wouldn't rush to his introduction into physics class to tell them. He would probably forget all about them and rush to tell people who actually matter, and get an article about it published somewhere, maybe make a press announcement. Same with the university by the way. If they would be releasing some groundbreaking piece of science, they would make sure to tell the people in their field who mattered, as well as the press. Not some random group of students.

Even the scene where apparently students drew a penis on the blackboard I can't imagine happening. That's something that maybe you see in high school, but not in a university physics class. And if it happened, then the next part, where the class is very enthousiastically making a deal makes no sense.

Then you have a 31 year old (or older) university professor hitting on an 18 year old student (assuming that since she's in an introduction to physics course). That is all kinds of wrong.

The prose level is the same. It's a good start, but there is a lot to improve. Some examples:
- As I was walking to go lecture my physics class, I heard a female voice scream “Hey Alfie!" => small part, but she wouldn't scream, she would call out, or shout. Screaming is what you do in anger, or fear. Shouting is when you raise your voice to gets someone's attention.
- "Yo teach." "You're late". One of my students named Michael yelled. => Formatting wise, it should be, "Yo teach, you're late!" one of my students named Michael yelled. Also, yelling is probably the wrong word. And again, I can't see a university student behave this way to a professor 15 years older than him.
- As I began to ponder his question, I began to start to erase the words on the dry erase board to start my lecture. => there are 2 began's in this scentence. Which make it awkward. Also, usually in writing just do something, don't begin doing it. Began makes it a moment in time, which you rarely want. Better would be something like: Cleaning the whiteboard before I could begin my lecture, I pondered his question.

All in all, I think it needs some work. I hope this is the rough version, and not the edited one.

Fulton Books Inc. indeed does not look like a traditional publisher, but rather like a publishing service. That is, a company you pay to publish your book. Remember, that in traditional publishing, the author never pays the publisher, but money always flows towards the author. I don't know their level of service. But be very careful what you pay them.

 

[SampsonO'Ryan]

I don't think Fulton Books is a publisher. They are a service. Are you paying them to get your book published?

Reading the sample that you posted, I do not believe you are ready to be a published author. There are many issues with grammar and punctuation. Stuff that would never get you past a slush pile. While I encourage you to keep at it, I think you have a journey into craft before you are ready to hit a market.

Just two examples from the text....

"Is everything o.k. Molly?" I replied.

o.k. is text speak. The actual word is Okay. OK or O.K. if you want the shorthand.

"Yo teach." "You're late". One of my students named Michael yelled.

I don't like any of this sentence. Quotes are not meant to be used in that manner, two phrases butted up against each other. And the attribution is shoe-horned in to force the students name into the sentence. Does the student even matter? it could be just a voice in the crowd.

"Yo, Teach," yelled one of my students. "You're late." It was Michael.

The whole second chapter is one giant paragraph? Probably a formatting issue, but is that how you want to appear before the public?

To pick up on another thread, I did not see where the time travel paradox was answered, and I don't feel I had my mind blown. I personally have never tried DMT, but its on my bucket list. Maybe that would blow my mind.

Ya, that is an unedited manuscript. Fulton Books is my Editor publisher and distributor. If u actually read the content of the story I think u would have had a better time. My book comes out Barnes and Noble this Christmas. Have a good day

 

[SampsonO'Ryan]

Ya, that is an unedited manuscript. Fulton Books is my Editor publisher and distributor. If u actually read the content of the story I think u would have had a better time. My book comes out Barnes and Noble this Christmas. Have a good day

I understand that it was unedited. Try reading it the way it is and enjoy it. I made past the slush pile brother. U can buy it on Amazon or apple if u desire.

 

[pmmg]

Everyone makes it past the slush pile at a vanity press. Dont know what to say to you sampson. Good luck and watch your wallet.

 

[Prince of Spires]

Well, good luck with your novel.

Just know that everyone can publish a book with Amazon, Apple and Barnes & Noble. It means nothing, unless of course you get an actual print copy in a real, physical store (so not have a print copy available via Print on Demand online). That's both the beauty and danger of indie-publishing. You just go to their website, and upload a manuscript. I could publish my 6-year old's fantasy story about a picknick via Amazon if I wanted to.

Also, both pmmg and me actually read (part of) the story. What you do with that is up to you.

 

[Jason]

If you can afford the fees, I hope you get a pleasing Christmas gift for family and friends.
Before going with KDP, I checked out a vanity press mostly because it offered a free review (i.e. praise it to the skies) before they followed up with a professional hard sell. From a business POV, they are award winners and presumably a route into publishing for aspiring editors.
Does anyone know if any author ever made it this way?

 

[Rexenm]

It sounds pretty gay. Do you write often? I used to read a bit, but not any more. I don’t know why, but it must have something to do with the MEDS. However, it is a skill one might want to employ, instead of being a loser and bumming out.

 

[pmmg]

I am sure it has happened but i dont know any. This is a path to making them richer, not you. I hope it works out and they are the honest one.

 

[Finchbearer]

I know what I’m getting pmmg for Christmas.

 

[Finchbearer]

Sampson, it does sound like you have simply paid to get your book printed, and you may well end up with a box of unsold books in your house come Christmas time - but, we all live and learn. Carry on working on your writing and enjoy it, you clearly have the passion there.

 

[pmmg]

I know what I’m getting pmmg for Christmas.

You're the best!

 

[Prince of Spires]

Does anyone know if any author ever made it this way?

You mean going through a vanity press?

No. Not because of anything the vanity press did. The few stories (mostly from long, long ago) about authors using a vanity press and succeeding are that they paid a lot of money to get a bunch of books made, and the authors then spend a ton of time hand-selling those books. I think Grisham did this, and Christopher Paolini is another name that comes to mind. Note though that these are all from before indie-publishing and Print on Demand were a thing. Back then the only way to self-publish a print novel was to order a 1.000 novel print run from a printer or vanity publisher, and then sell those yourself. You don't have to do this anymore, since ebooks and Print on Demand are a thing.

The thing to keep in mind with a Vanity press is that the readers are not their customer, you, the author, is. The author pays them to edit, format, and publish a novel. They already got paid. Why would they then put in more time, money, and effort to try to sell that book? They have no incentive to make the novel a success. Of course they'll put it up for sale on Amazon and Barnes & Noble and Apple and any other bookstore they can think of. That way they can tell the author they published. And if the book actually sells, they get free money. It's brilliant from their point of view. But since there are a few million english language books for sale on Amazon, don't expect to actually sell anything without marketing. And you can either pay the vanity publisher to do that, which then is more free money for them, since they both get your marketing money and part of your royalties. Or you can do it yourself, which also if free money for the publisher, since they get part of your royalties without even having to do anything.

 

[Jason]

You mean going through a vanity press?

Yes, that's what I was asking thanks.

They take an eye-watering cut from your KDP 70% profit.
My advice: run away and DIY.

 

[Demesnedenoir]

One word: Ouch.

 

[ThinkerX]

Would have been better off going to Draft2Digital, ordering a pile of author copies, and try peddling them to various bookstores in person. (That worked a few times for me here in small town Alaska). Plus, at least with D2D, you could do an eBook version...

 

[Demesnedenoir]

I'll publish ANY book for $99.99! Contact me at...

 

[ThinkerX]

I'll publish ANY book for $99.99! Contact me at...

Like I said, D2D would have been a far better way to go. 200 page book, author copies about $5 each, retail price $14-15. Sell to bookstores for $10 or $11. Maybe rent a spot at a community market and try peddling the books direct.

Of course, you still need a book cover...but play with stock pics and do some editing in MS Paint if nothing else...well...it could work. (I almost went that route with my last couple of covers). Thing is, I'm a bit isolated geographically. Were there more bookstores...