Taking a break from fantasy....

[musclemom1234]

and writing something more 'real world' (ish) where an older man meets a younger lady

Older\Younger

Scott checked his phone as he sat at the desk of his insurance agency. He lived in a small town in the Midwest and had his own agency. At 64 years old he had no thoughts of slowing down or retiring.
He knew that if he did, he would get bored and would be looking to get back into some kind of work, so why not keep going. He had however cut back his hours and was more laid back then when he opened
the agency some 30 years ago. He had been divorced for a long time, decades actually and gave up dating at this point in his life. He did have three kids and 8 grandkids, and got to see them somewhat regularly.
He had grown up in the town and never really left, he had a good group of friends there and one of them, Todd and his wife, were having a neighborhood BBQ that night that he was invited to.

He wasn't planning on going, he liked the sports watch parties his friend had but not these more general outings. But he had convinced himself he should go. He went home around 3 on that Saturday and had about an hour before the BBQ. He showered and changed into a polo shirt and khaki pants. He wasn't bad looking for 64, he looked much younger, he was quite tall and rail thin. Soft in most places. He planned to stop and grab some beer to bring to the BBQ, so he left his home around 330 and drove to the store.

Across town, Sara walked around the old Victorian house she had inherited from her great aunt. The house needed tons of work inside and outside, but given her financial state, she took it and moved to this small town, now knowing anyone. She took the one job she could find, working the front desk at the local library. She had no experience and was not a librarian but loved to read. She was going to make enough to mildly survive and live how she wanted. She was 36 years old and starting over again. She was divorced with no kids. The last divorce had taken everything from her. She had met Mary (who happens to be Todd's wife) at the local Chamber of Commerce breakfast that was hosted at the library earlier in the week. They had started chatting and Mary invited her to a BBQ at her house that weekend.

The day had arrived and Sara had prepared a home made fruit tray she had assembled. She went to her room to change, she didn't have a lot of good options, she chose a long skirt that kid her legs and a sleeveless top. She stood a mere five foot one and weighed 145 pounds. She had very short, dark hair. She reached her hands back and tied what ponytail she could with her short hair. A 5 inch stub of hair stuck off the back of her head now. She took one more look in the mirror. Smiling back at herself, she gazed at her huged muscled arms that her sleeveless top proudly showed off. Her massive, tree trunk like thighs were hidden under her skirt. She grabbed her large, black fitness tracker and put it around her very thickly muscled forearm. Her dedication to bodybuilding and powerlifting were visible, and hopefully not to shocking to the people at the BBQ. She stretched her right fist out, then brought it up to her head as she flexed her huge arm. Her arm was massive and thick. She giggled and went to grab her fruit tray.

Scott pulled up to Todd's house and had to park a half block away as dozens of people were already there. He made his way to the garage, passing some people he knew. He put the beer he brought in the cooler and went to find Todd.

Sara walked over to the house from her's, a mere 4 blocks. She was holding her tray and smiled as a group of little kids went running by.

She saw people walking up to the garage and followed them.

Mary was there and greeted her. "You came," she said, smiling.

 

[pmmg]

Howdy MuscleMom, Welcome here. Do you have muscles like the woman in this story?

This one seems like a work in progress to me. So far, they have not met, so it is still the introduction and not the story.

There is a lot of telling and not showing. Rather than saying the had no experience, show her struggling at work, or rather than saying she was divorced and it took a lot from her, show her interacting with her ex, and how it affects her in the moment.

What has your experience been with fantasy that you are taking a break and trying more contemporary fiction?

 

[musclemom1234]

Thanks for the feedback. Yes I wrote myself as her into the story.

It is for sure a work in progress. I honestly wasn't sure how to set up her struggles. Summarize it and outline it and show examples or just get right to the examples.

I did some fantasy writing with a few frieneds, we had a roleplay Lord of the Rings story going on.

 

[pmmg]

I am proud of you for your muscles.

When I write, I tend to go for an immersive experience. I would never write something like 'He lived in a small town in the Midwest and had his own agency'. I would instead try to show that by showing him at work, and maybe conversing with others.

All stories need a conflict, so you should know what that is before laying out the rest. In a romance, the struggle is usually one of over coming mixed signals and aversion to taking the risk to find happiness. I'd need to know more to really suggest.

For me, what is presented is a very basic format which could be expanded on to make larger scenes.

Suppose, instead of saying he had been divorced for a long time, a secretary chides him, saying he should not be living alone and use a dating site. Which he declines and she says 20 years is enough. Then we learn it in an active way and not a telling way.

The whole first paragraph could be an entire scene. We could spend more time getting to know him, and why he is difficult, or lacks the want or confidence to pursue another relationship. His lack of, or fear of, could be the whole conflict of the story.

 

[musclemom1234]

This is one more....
Scott brought his supplies into the American Legion hall like he did once a month in the midsize town he lived in in the Midwest.

He was 63 years old, grew up in town, married and divorced there as well. He was tall and very thin. He was semi-retired and turned his coin collecting hobby into a part time job.

He went to a few shows a month and had an online. He lived comfortably, this was mostly something to do and keep busy.

There were a dozen dealers set up in the basement of the legion and he had two long tables with displays and coins inside. He was glad to see a number of kids at shows more recently.

He also had made a few good friends who were dealers or customers.

The show started at 9 am and the next few hours were a bit slow until lunchtime when free hotdogs were available in the legion kitchen and more people showed up.

As the crowd got busier, Scott kept an eye on his displays and also the people walking around.

He noticed a lady in the corner, he caught her face first, a bit round, very short dark hair tied in a tiny ponytail.

She was maybe 5'1" or so. As people stopped walking in front of her Scott was able to get his first full view of her.

Seeing her made him stand up and he forgot all that was going around him for a moment. She wasn't just a somewhat cute 30 something year old. She had large muscles everywhere!

She had a long skirt on, but he could make out a pair of massive thighs underneath, they looked like tree trunks.

Her waist was also strong and thick. Best of all she had a sleeveless top on showing off a pair of huge and thick muscled arms.

Scott took a quick drink of water. His eyes traced down her arms to her very thick and big forearms too. She had a black fitness tracker on her left wrist that looked like it might pop off her forearm.

She turned her neck to look at the clock on the wall and her thick neck flexed and Scott could see some chords of muscle. The skin on her body was soft, but the large muscles lurked just under them.

He wondered why she was here? WIth her husband a collector? Or was she a customer?

He looked and didn't see a ring on her finger.

Scott turned his attention back to his table and remembered why he was there.

The next time he looked over he saw that she was now sitting at a table by the door. She was the coin appraiser that had shown up late. She worked for an independent grading company and was setting up her table.

She was into coins!!! he thought to himself.

 

[Rexenm]

I thought the writing style was pointedly square. This is due to the age of the characters and their style I suppose. It rambles on like an old man’s accordion. Sara richly reminded me of Sophie from A Habitation Enforced by Rudyard Kipling. It also appears as if there are many eyes watching the characters react in more human ways. I half imagined a pig on a spit, wondering if it was turning left or right as per North Pole South Pole toilet flush habits. Has Sara met Todd before, I was wondering about Scott, and wondered if there was a gambling love triangle going on, or if they were base. Like a pearl before a swine, like I have said before.