A very nice & well thought out critique PenPilot. You took the time to go into depth.
Also, thanks for sharing your work Ani.
Also, thanks for sharing your work Ani.
# Raven had worn a path around the smooth stone cell, she glanced up at the sky and the stars taunted her. The prison was complete, escape was impossible. The filth and stench clung to her nostrils and her boots. She had long given up trying to avoid stepping in unknown muck.
Her arms ached from the manacles and angry red welts had risen where that had squeezed her flesh. Taking a deep breath, she moved her mind to another place for a moments respite.
"I will be free," she said to herself over and over again. Exhausted she slid down the wall onto the filthy straw mattress.
She lay propped against the stone a rag doll,
"How had she landed in this situation/" she ran the events over in her mind.
Her body itched, things crawled on her, the stench threatened to overwhelm, the metal grate of rust against rust, brought her mind back in sharp focus.
For a moment she thought she had her ears playing tricks in the silence, her beating heart pumped she could hear the sound in the silence,
If we look at the scene we have set the character up
now we have action the door is going to open
How
what emotion
what do you wish the reader to feel
he hopped through the fetid rubbish like a bird
anihow can I make a suggestion and ask you to post here as well as the emotional content is important to the context of this thread
It would be interesting to unpack the intensity and the emotional plan, plus of course the 'feelings'
having the plan so to speak and adding emotional iq in a growing path
I see we have 637 views and stars have no idea what the gold stars mean, but the idea of unpacking scenes in context of emotional creativity is important to the development of engaging scenes and the story flow
1 - the difference between a static scene and an engaging one is emotional iq
2 - how is this achieved
by planning
what does the plan consist of
an emotional characteristic map of your characters and what you wish to convey to the reader
the reader must carry with them the emotional objective of the scene and how they view that piece on information in the broader context of the story
3 - this will then move the story forward [hopefully]