Feo Takahari
Auror
In its current draft, Equivalence begins with seven pages of character interaction and four of lining up plot dominoes. I could probably pare that down a little, but I don't think I could cut it completely without losing a lot of investment in the characters. However, these parts are relatively light in tone and don't contain any violence, and unless I want to twist the plot into a pretzel, it would be hard to introduce the title character and story goal before at least one bloody sequence. As I see it, I have three options:
A): Add more ominous foreshadowing to the first few pages. This works for a lot of stories, but I'm not sure it fits with the dynamic I want to establish. (In particular, I want to make sure that the "substitute family" relationship I develop between the characters does not itself feel ominous or dangerous--that would undermine the entire story.)
B): String the tension out for quite a while, sloooowly creating a feeling that something is not right. It seems a bit daunting to keep the reader's attention like this without fully establishing the story goal.
C): In a relatively short span of pages, transition from
to
Precisely how I handle it is ultimately up to me, but since I'm currently feeling rather daunted by the task, I figure there's value in asking other writers: how would you handle this? What would you do to make the transition feel more natural and less ungainly, and do you think you could accomplish it without filler? (Or is "natural" even the right goal here?)
P.S. For what it's worth, this isn't really a "horror" story so much as it's whatever Full Tilt was. I'm starting with a much smaller cast of heroes, and all but one of them will survive quite a while and have a complete character arc. In other words, I'm not developing characters just for token angst when they're killed off.
P.P.S. In my previous project, I tried D): Begin with a flash-forward to an ominous sequence. This turned out horribly jarring--readers said it was like the flash-forward and the "real" beginning were two different stories. However, that story allowed me to set up the goal without going very dark, so I wound up using a slow build-up of dark elements.
A): Add more ominous foreshadowing to the first few pages. This works for a lot of stories, but I'm not sure it fits with the dynamic I want to establish. (In particular, I want to make sure that the "substitute family" relationship I develop between the characters does not itself feel ominous or dangerous--that would undermine the entire story.)
B): String the tension out for quite a while, sloooowly creating a feeling that something is not right. It seems a bit daunting to keep the reader's attention like this without fully establishing the story goal.
C): In a relatively short span of pages, transition from
to
Someone had set up a sort of campfire rotisserie near the center of the square. The flame had long since gone out, but something still hung from the spit, rotten and swarmed with flies. It was far too large to be a pig, and Keith struggled in vain not to admit to himself what sort of flesh had been cooked here.
Precisely how I handle it is ultimately up to me, but since I'm currently feeling rather daunted by the task, I figure there's value in asking other writers: how would you handle this? What would you do to make the transition feel more natural and less ungainly, and do you think you could accomplish it without filler? (Or is "natural" even the right goal here?)
P.S. For what it's worth, this isn't really a "horror" story so much as it's whatever Full Tilt was. I'm starting with a much smaller cast of heroes, and all but one of them will survive quite a while and have a complete character arc. In other words, I'm not developing characters just for token angst when they're killed off.
P.P.S. In my previous project, I tried D): Begin with a flash-forward to an ominous sequence. This turned out horribly jarring--readers said it was like the flash-forward and the "real" beginning were two different stories. However, that story allowed me to set up the goal without going very dark, so I wound up using a slow build-up of dark elements.
Last edited:
Sage
