What do you think of this trope?

[Finchbearer]

So I have built a character that I’m really pleased with in terms of how he fits into my epic fantasy story, however, he is what I would describe as complex, and the skill in conveying him as a likeable character is incredibly important because he becomes a love interest with one of my protags.

His trope is probably something like ‘the troubled genius’, but to be more concise:

* He is a nobleman who comes from a long line of warriors, and so his father and elder brother expected him to become a warrior too - however along with having the (magical) gift of the cypher, he instead showed great intellectual strength rather than physical, but is often made to feel inferior or like a failure in the eyes of his father and elder brother, because he’s different.

* He is an heir to a ruling position of his province, and since his father and brother are always away, he stays and holds court and attends council meetings with other nobles. That’s a lot of pressure.

* There are kidnappings that occur in my world to mages (that I call dryġe) and it is assumed that it is to somehow take their (magical) gift by force. This characters previous love interest was kidnapped a long time ago, yet he is left with trauma causing shakes and rumination whenever the subject is raised, but he hides it well, though it is becoming more difficult to hide as more kidnappings occur in the timeline that the story is told.

* He is a nobleman, and is used to luxury, and is renowned for holding amazing courtly events, which includes a decadent side to his personality. He’s attractive and is aware of this.

* He often takes one or two of his favoured courtesans to court events to evade offers of marriage from eligible nobleman’s daughters, and also only engages in sex with courtesans, until my main character comes along that is. The female main character who he falls in love with is from a peasant background, and is a dryġe too now so there is a social divide as it frowned upon for nobles to mix in this way with lower classes.

* he was a sorcerers apprentice and is now a master of the dark arts.

* There will be a war in my storyline, and he defeats the opposition by using his non-warrior skills, and eventually becomes the first King of this country.

* He and my female protagonist become King and Queen.

What do you like/ dislike?

Any problems you can see?

Do you think this character profile is strong/ weak?

Unfavourable to an audience?

What could be added or taken away?

Overall impression?

My thoughts are that I want him to be a memorable character that readers will enjoy reading about, and I want the reader to be happy that he has eventually found love.

Nervous sharing this one because he has been in my mind for a while.

 

[pmmg]

Sounds like me and only the courtesans are missing.

Too much to answer on my phone.

Id not be thrilled about his courtesans and dark arts. But i think hes got plenty to like. He has pain i can sympathize with and if hes trying to be a better person than dark arts would suggest to i could root for him. Romance types dont typically go for he sleeps around till he finds her. Seems likely he would if he has courtesans but it might make him shine more if he had refrained for personal or imposed reasons.

 

[Pegzy]

That sounds like an unusual character.
What are his weaknesses and vulnarabilities? What is he like as a person? And what kind of dark arts does he practice? What construes dark arts in his world?

 

[Finchbearer]

I’m not sure if those are rhetorical questions but I’ll answer them nevertheless. His weaknesses and vulnerabilities I would say have already been outlined in my original post.

As far as the dark arts in this world, I would liken them to studying Latin or Ancient History, they’re important culturally, but are little used in everyday settings. The exception to this is that he must practice them in order to become a master of them, and so he ‘has his demons’, literally. They come in handy in the violent war in which he calls upon dark forces to defeat an enemy.

So in brief, they are not dark arts = bad, but more of a grey area, kind of like our nuclear power in real life.

 

[Pegzy]

I'm not sure whether his difference makes him feel inferior or whether his brother and father try to make him feel inferior.
If it's the former yes, that could be a vulnarability. The latter would indicate their weakness rather than his.

I'm also not sure of what you mean by comparing dark arts with studying Latitn and ancient history. That would be more like arcane knowledge. The demon is more like it.
Still for all, I think you have a promising character and an interesing story.

 

[Finchbearer]

I think you hit the nail on the head with ‘arcane knowledge’, even though that’s what you would consider to be confusing about it. There’s a lot of reinvention in my world building, sometimes it’s good to look at things from a different angle.

 

[BearBear]

1. What do you like/ dislike?

2. Any problems you can see?

3. Do you think this character profile is strong/ weak?

4. Unfavourable to an audience?

5. What could be added or taken away?

6. Overall impression?

I am sir Robert Reginald Bear the second and I demand answers!

1. How could such a thing be allowed, a *peasant* is our new queen? Unheard of! I demand explanation immediately!

2. Obviously he lacks discipline. To think a warrior line is broken by a dryġe? Well I consider that more of a liability than a boon. So he defeated an already weakened army with what ammounts to card tricks, this whole thing smells of a coup! What is the meaning of this?

3. I am considering moving and taking my considerable holdings with me. What has this so called heir done lately? Bah, I'd like to see his strength pitted against a true warrior and *no tricks!* How can we feel safe with such an unorthodox broken line?

4. Well aside from romantic value, the misses was amused, I find it lacking in true grit. Have him address us and name his credentials to the throne. Lineage is one thing, but he could be a pretender for all I know. Let's here what his brother has to say about this, unless he is as vexed as the rest of court to allow this.

5. Well certainly nothing must be taken away, I am in need of transparency!

6. As stories of fiction go this is as good as the next, but when real lives and livelihoods are at stake, we must be absolutely assured of the breeding and blood before we can feel secure in this kingdom.

I'll have you know that I run 90% of the elderberry wine in and out of the greater contininent and I have half a mind to request a premium to regions that aren't under my full comprehension. So say what you must and make it good.

 

[pmmg]

Just gonna say....I could like this character, but if he is about conjuring up demons and playing like he can control them, I am not going to think him 1) a good guy, and 2) actually capable of it. Demons really ought to be beyond him. They are older, wiser, smarter and more powerful than...He may think he can do something with them, but if he plays with that too long, he should be consumed and discarded by them.

If he does not come to see that working with demons is foolish and wrong, I will not likely be rooting for him. I might be though, if he did, and was trying to make amends for past sins. But it is your story.

I would also question the sensibilities of the woman overlooking that to have a romance. He would have to show me something redeemable.

 

[Finchbearer]

I am sir Robert Reginald Bear the second and I demand answers!

1. How could such a thing be allowed, a *peasant* is our new queen? Unheard of! I demand explanation immediately!

2. Obviously he lacks discipline. To think a warrior line is broken by a dryġe? Well I consider that more of a liability than a boon. So he defeated an already weakened army with what ammounts to card tricks, this whole thing smells of a coup! What is the meaning of this?

3. I am considering moving and taking my considerable holdings with me. What has this so called heir done lately? Bah, I'd like to see his strength pitted against a true warrior and *no tricks!* How can we feel safe with such an unorthodox broken line?

4. Well aside from romantic value, the misses was amused, I find it lacking in true grit. Have him address us and name his credentials to the throne. Lineage is one thing, but he could be a pretender for all I know. Let's here what his brother has to say about this, unless he is as vexed as the rest of court to allow this.

5. Well certainly nothing must be taken away, I am in need of transparency!

6. As stories of fiction go this is as good as the next, but when real lives and livelihoods are at stake, we must be absolutely assured of the breeding and blood before we can feel secure in this kingdom.

I'll have you know that I run 90% of the elderberry wine in and out of the greater contininent and I have half a mind to request a premium to regions that aren't under my full comprehension. So say what you must and make it good.

It’s good to know I can rely on you to give some serious feedback

 

[Finchbearer]

Just gonna say....I could like this character, but if he is about conjuring up demons and playing like he can control them, I am not going to think him 1) a good guy, and 2) actually capable of it. Demons really ought to be beyond him. They are older, wiser, smarter and more powerful than...He may think he can do something with them, but if he plays with that too long, he should be consumed and discarded by them.

If he does not come to see that working with demons is foolish and wrong, I will not likely be rooting for him. I might be though, if he did, and was trying to make amends for past sins. But it is your story.

I would also question the sensibilities of the woman overlooking that to have a romance. He would have to show me something redeemable.

Without blindly defending my character and taking your feedback seriously, I would ask you to be open to the idea of darkness that is not evil.

Because my world is inspired by both Celtic and Norse mythology and beliefs, those ‘dark forces’ that my character edges close to are not demons in the Christian sense, but more of the dark side of my world. Like dark elves and light elves, with neither as strictly evil.

I like the idea of him having a dark side, one that he uses for the greater good. Obviously the skill in conveying that will be up to me to write it.

 

[Finchbearer]

Well to answer your questions anyway…Sir Robert Reginald Bear II…

1. How could such a thing be allowed, a *peasant* is our new queen? Unheard of! I demand explanation immediately!

I explore a lot of social mobility and class divides in my world. The peasant born mage will have become a renowned healer by the time she captures the attention of my male character, and yes he defies his father in this act.

2. Obviously he lacks discipline. To think a warrior line is broken by a dryġe? Well I consider that more of a liability than a boon. So he defeated an already weakened army with what ammounts to card tricks, this whole thing smells of a coup! What is the meaning of this?

I mean, not everyone’s cut out for physical prowess right? Also, seeing as he has gifted blood, he is obliged to use it for ‘magical service’ and it doesn’t matter whether he is noble or not, so the choice was kind of taken away from him.

He alone does not defeat the opposition, but he gives the final blow, and it takes something away from him in the process.

3. I am considering moving and taking my considerable holdings with me. What has this so called heir done lately? Bah, I'd like to see his strength pitted against a true warrior and *no tricks!* How can we feel safe with such an unorthodox broken line?

This sounds a lot like one of his nobles that sits in the council, and his father! This is the kind of attitudes that he has to deal with.

4. Well aside from romantic value, the misses was amused, I find it lacking in true grit. Have him address us and name his credentials to the throne. Lineage is one thing, but he could be a pretender for all I know. Let's here what his brother has to say about this, unless he is as vexed as the rest of court to allow this.

His brother and father are fated to die, leaving him the sole heir, a role he wasn’t particularly expecting, but he rises to the challenge.

 

[Finchbearer]

if he plays with that too long, he should be consumed and discarded by them.

Yes, this is true, and I will explore this in the storyline. I need to convey that to become a master of the dark arts takes a long time, skill, discipline and only a certain type of character is suited to it. He is a good person overall and so doesn’t get corrupted, maybe taken inspiration from LOTR for that aspect of it.

 

[the25thstar]

I can't see anything wrong with it other than maybe the pairing. Troubled, dark 'prince' and healing peasant girl has been done to death so many times I'd think it difficult to keep engaging. The kidnapping of magical folk is interesting, as is his connection to it. Sounds like a good read.

 

[Queshire]

Hmm... that description makes me think of Howl from Howl's Moving Castle. I'm not sure if I like the part about the Courtesans. Well, I like using the courtesans as a smoke screen at social events, but I think he'd be a stronger character if you dropped the part about him sleeping with them afterwards. It'd help show that he has hidden depths and can think with more than just his dick.

 

[Queshire]

Also we could use a bit more information on what he can actually do with the dark arts. What sort of practical effects are possible with it?

 

[Finchbearer]

I’d never thought of Howl, but now you mention it! My guy is less of a pretty boy, though.

Hmm, I feel like him sleeping with his courtesans more realistic than him essentially being celibate. This is a kind of medieval / dark ages inspired world, and courtesans would be seen as reputable enough to enter court, why not to sleep with? The only thing is this could put readers off. His psychology with it is probably something along the lines not wanting to let himself fall in love again because of his past trauma. But my protag could change all that…

 

[Finchbearer]

Troubled, dark 'prince' and healing peasant girl has been done to death so many times

This is true the engaging bit will hopefully come on the form of the overall storytelling. I have another love interest storyline that is in some senses the other way around, so maybe that’ll balance it out who knows.