Writing a three gender society

[Rosemary Tea]

Found an archaeological example of an apparently nonbinary person who held a high status role in their society: 1,000-year-old remains in Finland may be non-binary iron age leader

It was posted on Facebook by a friend of mine who is nonbinary.

 

[Rosemary Tea]

As a follow up to this discussion, I would like some feedback on this: how believable is it that a country where three genders are understood to be the norm, and people of the third gender have a valued role, exists right next door to a country that is highly similar culturally and linguistically but thoroughly rejects the idea of a third gender?

The two countries are probably about as alike, in language and culture, as the U.S. and Canada. Or maybe Norway and Sweden would be a better comparison: both have existed for centuries, their borders have repeatedly changed over the years, so that the regions adjacent to the border have sometimes been in one country and sometimes the other, and sometimes they've been allies and sometimes they've been enemies, depending on the situation at hand. There's rivalry between them, there's plenty of a "we're not like them because of [minuscule unimportant difference]" attitude on both sides, but they really are more alike than different.

The difference in their attitudes toward a third gender shapes some of the conflict in the story. There are two characters who are both dual citizens, being children of marriages between a citizen of one country (let's call it the South Kingdom) and a citizen of the other (call it the North Kingdom). The story is set in the South Kingdom, which is where this three gender society exists, but both of those characters were born in the North Kingdom.

One of them, "M," is a third gender person, but, being born in the North Kingdom, was not raised that way initially. The backstory is, M's parents divorced when M was a toddler, and the father, who was the Northern citizen and had some friends in high places, pulled some strings to get the mother expelled from the country and get full custody of M. That changed when M was about 7 or 8: their father was killed in an accident, and they were sent to the South Kingdom to live with their mother (and mother's new spouse, too). Long story short, M was recognized as third gender in the South Kingdom, embraced that, and grew up thinking of themself as a Southerner through and through. They've never returned to the North Kingdom and never want to. That they couldn't be who they really are in the North is the main reason for that.

The other, "A," is cisgender male and lived in the North Kingdom until adulthood. He came to the South Kingdom as part of a diplomatic/business arrangement: basically, someone in his profession was needed to go help maintain ties between the two countries, and A, being a dual citizen, got the job. He's aware that in the South Kingdom, all genders must be respected, but he still holds a deep seated prejudice against third gender people. This is a source of conflict between him and M, who he knows through his work. That, and they don't see eye to eye on many other things.

Delving into A's character, it seems to me that he's a very complex and very conflicted person, and a key source of his conflict is his discomfort with anything and anyone that challenges his sense of gender. The very existence of third gender people does that for him.

But then, how realistic is it that people on one side of the border would be so adamantly against the very idea of a third gender while people on the other side embrace it... when they speak the same language, they have highly similar cultures, and cross border migration and intermarriages happen with some regularity? Is such a drastic difference believable?