Watcher
Dreamer
I find it very hard to avoid too many descriptions in narrative form when it comes to describe characters or entire armies. Any suggestions how to tackle this problem.
Yvette hurried to a dilapidated rural church just up the hill from the village of Tivisio. A light burning within told her the resident priest was still awake, so she rapped. Savio Ventura opened the door. “Signora Capodevin?” His brows furrowed. “I expected you three nights ago.”
“There was a delay.”
He shifted to look past her, age-weakened eyes searching the darkness. “Come in,” he said, his sleeve sweeping aside to usher her in. “Has something happened to our Lucinda?”
Yvette scanned the room, a force of habit not easily suppressed. A lamp sat upon the desk near a single dirty plate and empty teacup. The embers in the fire burned low. “No, she’s safe.”
“I’m relieved to hear it. I grew worried when she didn’t arrive as expected.”
Yvette pulled her cloak down away from her throat, its weight suffocating in the warm room. “Her boat sailed this morning. I need time to make other arrangements.”
His bushy brows pressed together and gaunt features pulled taut with his frown. “She’s not coming? Then, why are you here?” He rubbed his hands, one over the other, fidgeting.
“I need to send word to our contacts in Kanassa.”
Savio Ventura scuttled around his desk and plopped into his chair. He took up a pen and pulled a sheet of paper from the drawer. “What shall I write?” Yvette stared silently at the blank page. The list of things she couldn’t say grew by the day. “And whom shall I address?”
Yvette’s mouth opened but no words emerged. Concern of betrayal haunting her, she wrung her hands and considered
how much to reveal, even to a priest Cassandra trusted with her life. A lie formed in her mind. “Tell Savio Carlo the Lucinda is staying in Tillio until she can leave.”
“But there’s no Divine chapel in Tillio,” the old man spluttered. “After the Radan chapel burned two years ago, the townsfolk drove the savio and lucindae off!”
“Then no one will be looking for her there,” Yvette snapped back. She didn’t need reminding what happened to the rural chapel and its inhabitants. Twenty-four graves lay around the burned out foundation of Tillio’s old Radan chapel, and one, far removed, sat under a sprawling tree next to a deer run. A tragedy still mourned by the residents of the small town, and steeped in rumors and superstition. “I’m sorry to have wasted your time.”
“That wasn’t the message you wanted to send, was it?” the savio asked when Yvette’s fingers touched the doorknob. She turned back to face him. He stepped toward her, saying, “If you believe it unsafe to send a letter, let me personally take your message.”
Paranoia reared its head, a mad dog ready to bite any outstretched hand. “I’m out of money.”
The old man’s shoulders slumped and his white brows arced with his smile. “Our holy Lucinda asked me to help you. Keeping my word and seeing her to safety is reward enough.”
In a city where every service rendered demanded a vail, however small, anyone who offered to take a risk for free made Yvette’s hackles rise. Vows of poverty be damned, even the righteous took bribes without hesitation. Light eyes surrounded by lines twinkled in the lamplight. “Tell me who you need to contact in the city, and I will gladly relay your message.”
Perhaps he was just too sincere in his plea. Yvette’s mind prickled with suspicion. “I’m sorry, Savio Ventura. Not this time.” Yvette left the chapel.
Thank you for your input and advice. You see some readers may enjoy detailed descriptions of either characters or battle scenes while others find it quite tiresome. I usually make rough storyboards and pencil sketches as an aid to the plot (because I find it quite helpful) and maybe as an artist I try to convey my visual perception to the reader which is not always good, since it leaves no room for them for their imagination to unfold. So I will try and ballance the descriptions (most of which I use in narratives) and remove all the unnecessary bits of information.
I find it very hard to avoid too many descriptions in narrative form when it comes to describe characters or entire armies. Any suggestions how to tackle this problem.