Julian S Bartz
Minstrel
For what it's worth, I like Svrtnsse's version best.
I agree. Removing suddenly changes the whole thing for me. I think you can get way too caught up in using and not using it. Good writing will make use of suddenly in such a way that the reader doesn't even realise that they have read the word.
I know that sounds a bit wierd, but its all about maintaining the constant reader. Suddenly conveys an abrupt event, so the focus for the reader should be solely on the event itself.
I also think it is something writers worry about way more than readers. I once talked to my beta readers about certain words, adverbs and suddenly. They all said that until I had mentioned them they didn't notice those things because they were caught up in what was happening. As writers we research and read a lot into technique and are far more aware of the word suddenly, so much so that it can jump out of a page and interupt our own reading.
They very best writers can make us miss the use of the word suddenly, but still utilise it to convey abruptness.