Question about writing the severity of CSA and trauma after affects. TRIGGER GRAPHIC

[ascanius]

This is kinda graphic and deals with very sensitive issues. I don't know what to do about the graphic part so simply did what is done on sites dealing with this.

I have finished two of my story lines for my first draft and have a little problem. Rape and abuse are two of the many themes in my story, and for whatever reason in my life, not really the rape itself but the after affects. As noted in another post this is something that is personal to me. First when I write about what's happening or has happened to my characters' I have opted out of sugar coating it, it seems such an injustice to those who have gone through it to diminish it by adding lace to make it more palatable. I write explaining each burning detail for the truth. Does anyone see a problem with this? I ask because well......it does involve children and I am basing these events on things that have happened to ones I love and others. It's weird but in many ways I think they are better able to understand and much more prepared than the average reader. I write about the actual events but of more importance to me is the aftermath of such trauma, things like DID, SI, promiscuity and many many other things that I am aware of, that survivors are aware of but the average person is not.

here is an example, this is a flashback on of my characters is having. The he in question is the one who abused her when she was six.
So so found sleep difficult to find. It came momentarily as she watched the fire dwindle down to nothing but embers, leaving her with nothing but darkness of the forest closing in around her. She woke instantly with the memory of dark walls surrounding her. A cold sweat clung to her mirroring the fear that clung to her. The shadows of the trees blurred with the hard black stone walls of her dark prison. The beating of her heart hammered in her chest racing to the sound of footsteps walking towards her. Red hot dieing embers sizzled with his glee full chuckle about his little pet. She tried to move to flee but the black stone walls prevented any escape. Trying to roll and cower against the wall sent pain lancing through her chest, down her leg and arm. That maddening pain mingled with the knife blade that cut through her flesh. She could feel it's blade slicing through her ocher red skin in small precise cuts across her back. Cowering on the ground of her dark prison weeping silent tears she felt that wicked blade open her skin in small quick succession down her arm, across her back, the souls of her feet, across her butt. Her leg screamed in pain when he pulled it trying to pull her to him, she didn't fight she knew better. Again the blade left it's small thin lines of read from the nipple of her left budding breast to the center of her chest. Again it cut with terrible precision across her lower lips leaving two parallel lines of beading red blood around that place she hadn't even known existed. She lay there in bone numbing terror letting the blade trace it's wicked path across her flesh never trying to stop him. She could feel the hard callouses of his wicked hands pulling her **** *****, feel the bulk of his muscled body slide ****** *** ****. I was good...please...please...I was good...I.... She pleaded silently to herself, more than the living memory. Even among those cold stone walls she knew that press of familiarity. Mouth wide she screamed a silent wracking scream that did not echo among those cold stone walls. Pain seared with each ****************************, while the wicked blade danced its path across her flesh. She lay there naked laying the lifeless doll she so..so much felt. In the deepest of shadows So so watched trying to escape the pain staring into the darkness, a deep darkness that was it's own color. (I didn't know what to do about the graphic nature and well erred on the side of caution. There is more than enough that you don't need to knew the details.)

See what I mean.

As and example. One of my main chars, 12 yrs old, is waiting for the man who raped her, another main char, to come and do it again, she wants it, needs it. (She has been abused, raped, and tortured, since she was six, by someone else. He doesn't know about this.)

Now before anyone says anything THIS HAPPENS, THIS IS REALISTIC. Its is part of the psychological trauma that accompanies such vile and wicked acts. My biggest problem that has been bugging me is how to show what she is going through. I am sure many of you were disgusted by the fact that she wants him to do it again, that she needs it. That is my problem how can I show the psychology behind the way she acts. How can I explain what is going on in her mind without getting into a fifty page report on the aftermath of CSA.

So far this is what I have done.
"Can you walk?” Second man said looking at her in the sisters illuminating glow. She nodded as he pulled the cloak from the horse. Self hate filled her as she longed to be touched, to be held close, for the wicked thoughts she longed to happen next. He is right....I am a whore....a monster...please just do it so I can feel something. She looked around and was relieved that the only two witnesses had vanished, she knew they were close by but she was so tired of who she was she didn't care if others knew. They walked in silence for a while before she was unable to take the waiting. She turned stopping him letting the cloak fall to the ground leaving her naked. Before he could do anything she unlaced his fur trousers and pulled him to the ground. Laying back she spread her legs pulling at his hand, welcoming him. Her excitement mixed with the fear she felt at what was going to happen, something he had already taken but lost in her jumbled and chaotic memories that it was new. Please....just take me...Please. She pleaded fearing the rejection, fearing the truth of First abuser's words. Please I know I'm ugly...please....just close your eyes so I won't know you are looking at my ugliness...just take me...please...don't look...please don't look. She screamed at herself as she pulled him closer. Suddenly his arm went rigid and he pulled himself back looking at her.

Do you get the fact that she has been hurt, and is in such need of anything to feel something besides the pain, besides the numbness. Do you get the sense that she has a very low self esteem. It's kinda hard with just these two examples considering I have almost 83K words that goes over things gradually, but this is kinda the culmination. This is not something I want to write badly or without my very best effort, so I ask you fine folks. In a way I want the reader to cry the way I did when I listened to some of the terrible things that happened to others. I don't want this to be something that can be ignored, nor do I want my readers to pity her (She is actually really kick ass, and in many ways the true hero of my WIP) What do you think.

 

[Caged Maiden]

While I have led a troubled life, it's hard to relate exactly to these sort of scenes. A lot must be left up to personal interpretation, and I too have written rape, abuse, incest, etc. and wonder whether most people have the stomach for them. All I can say is that it's harder for someone who hasn't had personal experience to write as though they do. It sounds like you have seen first-hand the trauma, and for that, I think you can draw your conclusions and write as you see the experiences.

However, when I wrote a rape (a very violent one at that), my woman was strong and the man who witnessed it had more problems dealing with it than she does. I don't know what it feels like to watch someone else get abused.

Personally, I feel I've earned the right to write some pretty intense and insane things, and it sounds like you have too. Only you will be able to determine how much needs to find its way into second draft, and all I can say is that you should look at your story and determine what points are important for you to make. Disturbed people act in ways normal people can't understand, and I hope you know what I mean here, but sometimes you need to bleed to feel alive. Will most people understand how that feels? no. but then this is your story, about something you feel passionate about, and if you love it, write it. I have. And I'm working on something so crazy right now, I don't think I could ever ask for advice on it. I'll have to resign myself to the fact that it's probably too intense and controversial to be publishable, but I don't care.

Best wishes. I hope some of that helps.

 

[ascanius]

While I have led a troubled life, it's hard to relate exactly to these sort of scenes. A lot must be left up to personal interpretation, and I too have written rape, abuse, incest, etc. and wonder whether most people have the stomach for them. All I can say is that it's harder for someone who hasn't had personal experience to write as though they do. It sounds like you have seen first-hand the trauma, and for that, I think you can draw your conclusions and write as you see the experiences.

However, when I wrote a rape (a very violent one at that), my woman was strong and the man who witnessed it had more problems dealing with it than she does. I don't know what it feels like to watch someone else get abused.

I watched the physical and emotional abuse, you become numb after a while, so numb unable to feel anything, nothing can hurt you not even.......you don't need to know. I am the living stone of hollow bone.

This characters past is very violent, CSA and RSA=Ritual sexual abuse. But she is never weak, no don't ever think that. No one ever think those who have gone through these things are weak, they are not weak.

Disturbed people act in ways normal people can't understand, and I hope you know what I mean here,

you don't want to know the things I've done because of what happened to me, but yes I understand that statement maybe more than anyone else here. I'm so tired of the lies..It's why I am involving this subject into my WIP.

Will most people understand how that feels? no. but then this is your story, about something you feel passionate about, and if you love it, write it. I have. And I'm working on something so crazy right now, I don't think I could ever ask for advice on it. I'll have to resign myself to the fact that it's probably too intense and controversial to be publishable, but I don't care.

Best wishes. I hope some of that helps.

"sometimes you need to bleed to feel alive", great way to put it, that is exactly what this char is doing. I am just worried about getting others to understand how it is affecting my chars. The fact that you are the only one who had anything to say kinda worries me, maybe I just need to give others more time to respond. I kinda suspected that the only ones who would respond were people who have been hurt in their pasts, their the only ones who understand.

@anihow. Reading that last section where she is standing near him, wanting him to take her. Reading that do you understand why? From reading that does anyone understand that "she needs to bleed to feel alive." Does the way I have written it make it sound....I don't know screwed up, something easily dismissed... or let you into her pain. I think maybe the question I should have asked is how do I get others to relate to this character. I can relate because I understand..but what about those who don't? What I have shared here is actually quite toned down.

Thanks anihow, it does help, especially knowing at least someone else here understands.

 

[Ankari]

I don't mind graphic scenes such as this in fantasy novels. What may throw of a reader is the repetition of such scenes. The audience of fantasy literature read fantasy literature for the story. The emotional devastation caused by such violent scenes is the story. The acts themselves can appear a to overpowering used too much. Many authors will use such scenes as a catalyst.

I would pepper your work with these violent scenes. You don't want your reader to develop the emotional wall that your characters do to cope with such transgressions. You want the hurt to be poignant, a reference for the reader to judge the character's actions.

Jacqueline Carey does a good job of this. So does Steven Erickson.

 

[Caged Maiden]

I was judging the passage on palatability alone without regard to writing style. Personally I think it was a bit too detailed for my personal tastes, not because the subject matter bothered me, but because I would like a small bit of mystery for a reader. If I were writing it, I'd want the reader to ask, "What is she doing? Does she really want this man?" things like that.

Hey, would you mind if I posted an excerpt on this thread? It's from an outline I did a few years ago, and I too have concerns about whether it's too crazy for a reader to enjoy. Anyways, if no one else cares to read it, maybe you would give me your thoughts on whether it sounds too nuts. The problem with trauma is, while deranged thoughts are authentic, most people probably don't understand why.

 

[Amanita]

The fact that you are the only one who had anything to say kinda worries me

It is a very difficult subject matter and most of us have been lucky enough not to have had to deal with it in our own lives yet. This is making it hard to give a valid answer to your question though.
I’ve only been reading a few books about human-inflicted trauma as research for my own writing and the descriptions found there match what you’re writing about. This means that everyone who did do research on the subject will know that people can react in such a fashion to this kind of trauma. Some people probably wouldn’t understand and be offended but this is a problem common to most authors and I don’t think it should keep you away from writing what you want to write.

Personally I hate the sugar-coated descriptions of torture and sexual violence where these crimes don’t have any lasting consequences for the victims and are nothing but a cheap plot device to show how evil the villains are. Your approach is much more respectful than this in my opinion.

One thing I might worry about are the people who read these scenes and enjoy them for the wrong reasons. Especially with fanfiction there are plenty of writers and reviewers, who are overly fond of graphic (sexual) violence, stories where rape is a prove of love and the like. Being misunderstood by those people is possible but I don’t really think that the existence of such people should dictate what you can or cannot write about.

I did stumble over one aspect though: The perpetrator actually is a main character himself? This might really get difficult for many people because sexual abuse of children rightly causes so much disgust that I can see anyone sympathizing with this character which is problematic if he’s a main character.
If your story’s main point is dealing with the abuse story this can work but if there another fantasy plot at the center of the story, it would probably be difficult.

All in all I don’t have any problems with someone describing the real consequences of abuse if this person really knows about this. I haven’t read it all but I think this will show in the story and make it at least a bit understandable for the readers.
For me this is a much more respectful way of dealing with the subject than giving it no consequences at all because describing them could offend someone or “get in the way of the plot”.

 

[ascanius]

I would pepper your work with these violent scenes. You don't want your reader to develop the emotional wall that your characters do to cope with such transgressions. You want the hurt to be poignant, a reference for the reader to judge the character's actions.

Thnx. While I don't think I have too many of these scenes they are mostly flashbacks and nightmares. I think in total for what I have finished there are only three nightmares and two flashbacks...with the one above being the worst. but I'll keep what you said in mind

I was judging the passage on palatability alone without regard to writing style. Personally I think it was a bit too detailed for my personal tastes, not because the subject matter bothered me, but because I would like a small bit of mystery for a reader. If I were writing it, I'd want the reader to ask, "What is she doing? Does she really want this man?" things like that.

Yeah I thought about that but was worried about the reader needing an explanation to understand. I do like the idea of mystery much more...I've kinda gone back and forth...on exactly what to add.....If i put too little I kinda think not enough information is available to understand that she was hurt very very badly in her past and she is seeking that emotional connection, feeling of being alive in the only way she knows how. In the part where she wants this char, the thing I don't want is for them to just label her slut, so I needed to explain the why.

Hey, would you mind if I posted an excerpt on this thread? It's from an outline I did a few years ago, and I too have concerns about whether it's too crazy for a reader to enjoy. Anyways, if no one else cares to read it, maybe you would give me your thoughts on whether it sounds too nuts. The problem with trauma is, while deranged thoughts are authentic, most people probably don't understand why.

Don't mind at all, go for it post it here or message me. your right though most people don't understand the why, I think that's the hard part getting them to understand.

Personally I hate the sugar-coated descriptions of torture and sexual violence where these crimes don’t have any lasting consequences for the victims and are nothing but a cheap plot device to show how evil the villains are. Your approach is much more respectful than this in my opinion.

thank you.

One thing I might worry about are the people who read these scenes and enjoy them for the wrong reasons. Especially with fanfiction there are plenty of writers and reviewers, who are overly fond of graphic (sexual) violence, stories where rape is a prove of love and the like. Being misunderstood by those people is possible but I don’t really think that the existence of such people should dictate what you can or cannot write about.

All I can do is clench my shaking fists. I honestly never thought about that

I did stumble over one aspect though: The perpetrator actually is a main character himself? This might really get difficult for many people because sexual abuse of children rightly causes so much disgust that I can see anyone sympathizing with this character which is problematic if he’s a main character.
If your story’s main point is dealing with the abuse story this can work but if there another fantasy plot at the center of the story, it would probably be difficult.

Sorry should have explained this better. She spent four years, since she was six, in the hands of the perpetrator in the flashback, he is a twisted sexual sadist, and is the one responsible for her pain. the only thing the reader knows is his name..smell...and sound of his voice, he is not a main char. though he is the girls greatest fear and torment.
In the other part the guy she wants/needs is a main character who does rape her two years after she escapes..so she is twelve. He has his own issues, he suffers from amnesia and cannot remember anything prior to waking in the forest four years earlier, he isn't going to know about his past until much later, I also haven't picked between two scenarios that I have. He also has present issues involving what he is and the power he has. among other things he can see every terrible and wicked thing others have done. He pushes the terrors of the world away to the point that he is completely dissociated from all emotions. In the end it becomes a struggle between the small part that remains, himself, and the dissociated emotional part, the shadow. However the more he refuses to feel anything the more the shadow fights back, especially when he looks into the souls of others. The shadow takes over destroying all life in it's path trying to end the pain and suffering around him, trying to feel, feeding of the death. He sees what he is as a terrible curse by the half gods, he himself is a sorta demigod. anyway it ends up driving him mad, he is pure hard calculating icy logic, and through his twisted mind kidnaps the girl to change his fate with the firm belief that the only way to escape what he is is to give the "curse" to the girl or simply kill everyone. I will say that he and the girl change each other, they are each others impact characters, this ends up become very complicated though.

One more point. These events that happened to both of them serve a second purpose of establishing the consequences of the story, this is also done for different aspects of the consequences by different characters.

For me this is a much more respectful way of dealing with the subject than giving it no consequences at all because describing them could offend someone or “get in the way of the plot”.

I agree!
any more thoughts?
Just wanted to add that this is only one aspect of what is going on in my WIP.

 

[SeverinR]

Do you get the fact that she has been hurt, and is in such need of anything to feel something besides the pain, besides the numbness. Do you get the sense that she has a very low self esteem. It's kinda hard with just these two examples considering I have almost 83K words that goes over things gradually, but this is kinda the culmination.(She is actually really kick ass, and in many ways the true hero of my WIP) What do you think.

This is a tough subject. I would guess you want your reader to know:
1.this is a real feeling of victims. 2.why they feel this.

To the child this is what "love" is. The child wants parental love, but only experiences this "love". It hurts but it provides the affection/human contact she needs. It is a survival instinct.
Also I bet it is similar to child abuse by a parent, they feel they don't deserve the "good love" that others get. If they(the child thinks) can just be better..

 

[ascanius]

This is a tough subject. I would guess you want your reader to know:
1.this is a real feeling of victims. 2.why they feel this.

yup. that's what I am trying to show.

To the child this is what "love" is. The child wants parental love, but only experiences this "love". It hurts but it provides the affection/human contact she needs. It is a survival instinct.

it's not love...it's rape and sadistic violation of everything they are. Thats what I want to make sure I get across.

Also I bet it is similar to child abuse by a parent, they feel they don't deserve the "good love" that others get. If they(the child thinks) can just be better..

it's similar, often the children are not even aware that it is not normal...the ***hole mother or father telsl them that it is normal....that this is what everyone does...that this is how you show that you love them, how they show you they love you....it's their little secret...it's a game....it's how learn about the human body...sex ed..whatever... what they do to their children, even women, is terrible because what a lot of them end up doing is blaming themselves...it goes from them trying to be better like you said to believing that there is something wrong with them, something bad about them that they do deserve it...think they deserve it because there is a physical response that they cannot control, that because they like it they deserve it....they will/do, often, go back to their abusers letting it continue because it is all they know.....they only way the can feel the pleasures of sex.....and that returning, even though they know what will happen can last long into adult hood. Other times when physical abuse is involved things are the same but in a different way...no child should think about suicide to end the pain, ever. In the end it's about children who have had everything they are twisted by their parents who use the vulnerability of their children and use it against them...use their own body, mind, emotions, and soul against their own children...And yet for whatever reason they still love their mother or father even after everything they have done to hurt them. How can anyone tell me there is no true evil....look into the devils face and tell me there is no truer or more absolute evil! In the end they are left to deal with the pain...self hate...anger.....It was never their fault...not ever...even if they return...or like it.

 

[R.S.Robertson]

While sexual abuse is always traumatic, for children, who do not have even the smallest grasp on what is happening to them, the trauma is extreme and the results are often psychologically catastrophic. I don't know if there is a necessity in showing the all of the graphic detail of the events that led to the child developing the feeling that she does in order for the reader to understand how she could be the way she is or to sympathize with her.

There are many ways that children are traumatized by adults and it is specifically because they are children that they are so incredibly and dramatically changed by those events. I have personal experience with both sexual abuse as a child and with negligent and dysfunction parenting... both lead to counterproductive actions and behavior in the child. Almost everyone except the very sheltered or naive is going to understand this on some level because most people were hurt (even if it was something as simple not getting as much attention from a grandparent as your sibling did) by an adult when they were a child and know that pain and how it can carry forward with you.

I once wrote a rape scene through the use of short snapshots of the event; a large hand grabbed the back of her head and slammed her face into the car window... the knife at the back of he neck and his knee pushing into her spine... his sweat dripping onto her cheek... etc... and then by using the immediate physical and emotional aftermath of the rape to show the full extent of what was done to her without going into graphic detail of every moment of the sexual violation. This allowed me to show, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this was a violent and psychologically scarring rape that had a huge impact on who the character became BUT that I was going to focus on what came after rather than the event itself.

It is understood that one role of fiction is to explore difficult or complex truths. What happens to a child who is the victim of serial rape is definitely within that realm. It's our choice as writers how we are going to do that and our responsibility to choose the words that will convey our truth as effectively as possible.

 

[Caged Maiden]

I agree with RS. I wrote a rape once and just used this line:

What followed was a humiliating and mortifying display of his domination over her weakened body. Raven struggled initially, but after taking a couple blows from his heavy fists, she relented to the abuse.

I mean, to me, the details weren't important. Actually I'm going to start a thread detailing this whole scene. I'll post a link once it's up, and I'c love for you guys who are also very sympathetic to these difficult scenes to let me know your thoughts. I have never been violently raped, but I've had some pretty horrific things happen to me and that I've borne witness to. Every bit more authentic I can make this scene feel will make the story and trauma more believable.