A Problem With Flow

[Twilight Goblin]

There is this story that I've been working on, a pet project that I haven't let anyone read. I've just finished re writing the whole thing from the various scraps of handy paper and pages that I had scattered in my Notebook Box. I was proud of myself for finishing it. But as I was re reading it, I noticed that I used a lot of "And Then"s, "Suddenly"s and the ever present "Jumps From One Scene To The Next With No Explaination"s. Plus, I'm not satisfied with the conclusion-followed-by-ending that I have.
Does anyone have tips on fixing my story's flow problem?

 

[Taro]

One thing which is basically edit, change some of the sentence structures and that normally helps, well for me it does, because you find that it will change,and you want use so many of "And Thens" and etc. anything else let me know.

 

[BWFoster78]

I'd suggest deleting all instances of the word "then." If you're telling the story correctly, it shouldn't be needed.

The most important thing to remember is: Writing is rewriting. First drafts suck. That's their job, to get the suckitude out of the way so that your next drafts can be better. It's kinda like what Rodin (I think I'm attributing the quote correctly) said: I just remove the stone that isn't the statue. You have to create the block of marble with the first draft so you can chip it into the shape you want later.

 

[ShortHair]

Unless you're some kind of writing machine, you heave up one or two chunks of text at a time. You may even intend for them to form some kind of coherent narrative. That's why editing is so important, to smoosh together all those chunks into something recognizable.

This is a situation where you want to do a lot of reading. Go through everything by a favorite author and see how s/he handles (or doesn't handle) situations you're dealing with.

The quote about sculpture is generally attributed to Michelangelo.

 

[BWFoster78]

The quote about sculpture is generally attributed to Michelangelo.

Thanks. Wasn't sure.

 

[Helen]

There is this story that I've been working on, a pet project that I haven't let anyone read. I've just finished re writing the whole thing from the various scraps of handy paper and pages that I had scattered in my Notebook Box. I was proud of myself for finishing it. But as I was re reading it, I noticed that I used a lot of "And Then"s, "Suddenly"s and the ever present "Jumps From One Scene To The Next With No Explaination"s. Plus, I'm not satisfied with the conclusion-followed-by-ending that I have.
Does anyone have tips on fixing my story's flow problem?

In screenwriting it's called "show don't tell."

That seems like your solution.

 

[BWFoster78]

In screenwriting it's called "show don't tell."

That seems like your solution.

To me, it sounded like more of a transition problem than an issue with showing instead of telling.

A lot of beginning writers seem to think that the flow of a narrative is helped by adding "then."

Example:

The POV character ran down the road. Then, he stopped at the sound of a rattle. Then, the snake appeared. Next, he stepped back, fearing the bite.

To the OP: I understand that you're reluctant to show your work to someone. You've poured a lot of yourself into it, and criticism of it can be crushing. If your ultimate goal, however, is to improve your writing, you have to find people to tell you what you're doing wrong. Getting critiques is the fastest way to improve your writing.

You don't really need "then" or "next." The reader knows from the order of the sentences that it's a sequence of events.

The POV character ran down the road. He stopped at the sound of a rattle. The snake appeared. He stepped back, fearing the bite.

See, you know that the actions are sequential without the unnecessary road signs.