Dialogue Tags and Action In Between

[Philip Overby]

This is a question I've long wondered about. I know it's pretty basic, but I want to make sure I get a general consensus of what is right.

So first dialogue tags. Here are two examples:

1. "The dragon is coming," Sir Amory said.

2. "The dragon is coming." Sir Amory said.

Number 1 is right and Number 2 is wrong.

Now what about these examples?

1. "The dragon is coming." Sir Amory readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

2. "The dragon is coming," Sir Amory readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

3. Sir Amory readied his spear. "The dragon is coming."

Number 1 and 3 are right, correct?

If you are using action, the sentence inside the quotation should end with a period and not a comma. So I just want to confirm that this is right. This is the way I do it anyway. I hope that it's right!

Thanks!

 

[Steerpike]

Yes, I believe you are correct.

 

[Devor]

Now what about these examples?

1. "The dragon is coming." Sir Amory readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

2. "The dragon is coming," Sir Amory readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

3. Sir Amory readied his spear. "The dragon is coming."

Number 1 and 3 are right, correct?

When you're using action instead of tags, I'm under the impression it has more to do with the quote itself and whether it reflects the complete sentence or not. But I don't know, so I hope someone corrects me if I'm wrong.

But for instance:

"The dragon is coming." Sir Amory readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

"The dragon is coming," Sir Amory readied his spear, "so we need to prepare."

I believe these are both correct. Is that right?

 

[ShortHair]

"The dragon is coming." Sir Amory readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

"The dragon is coming," Sir Amory readied his spear, "so we need to prepare."

I believe these are both correct. Is that right?

The first one is right. The second one is not. The speech is part of the sentence, and it needs a verb to indicate that someone said it. This would be right:

"The dragon is coming," Sir Amory said and readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

On another level, there are various opinions about whether the first example is sufficiently clear. Mentioning a character in a paragraph, for some people, is enough to implicitly associate the speech in that paragraph with that character. That works for me, but others insist that you should explicitly attribute the speech to the character.

 

[Devor]

"The dragon is coming," Sir Amory said and readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

So when is it right to use two commas? And what do you do if your tag is clearly interrupting a sentence? - say, one that's long and needs to be tagged before it's finished.

 

[BWFoster78]

So when is it right to use two commas? And what do you do if your tag is clearly interrupting a sentence? - say, one that's long and needs to be tagged before it's finished.

The period indicates the end of a complete thought:

"This is a full sentence," BWFoster78 said.

The reason you use two commas, if I correctly understood the questions, is if you put the speech tag within the full thought:

"Because I put the speech tag here," BWFoster78 said, "I need to use a comma after 'said'."

Note that in the previous sentence, the first clause is not independent, so you don't use a period after said.

Did that clarify things?

 

[BWFoster78]

Now what about these examples?

1. "The dragon is coming." Sir Amory readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

2. "The dragon is coming," Sir Amory readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

3. Sir Amory readied his spear. "The dragon is coming."

Number 1 and 3 are right, correct?

If you are using action, the sentence inside the quotation should end with a period and not a comma. So I just want to confirm that this is right. This is the way I do it anyway. I hope that it's right!

Absolutely correct. You got it!

 

[Philip Overby]

Yeah, I guess I was under the impression that you only use two commas like this:

"The dragon is coming," Sir Amory said, "right there over the mountain."

Like if you are interrupting dialogue with a tag. So I'm thinking the comma is only used when a tag is present and not when it's only an action.

Ninja'd: BWFoster answered it!

 

[BWFoster78]

Not to hijack the thread, but I'd like to make a point about this subject. I see the following a lot when writers try to use actions in place of speech tags:

BWFoster78 wrote a lot of stuff. "Did you like any of it?" The denizens of Mythic Scribes presented a mixed bag of answers.

This is incorrect. Since you're using the action that BWFoster78 performed to denote who's speaking, you cannot have someone else act in the same paragraph. In the example, the sentence beginning with "The denizens" should be moved to a new paragraph.

Hope this helps someone somewhere.

 

[Devor]

Note that in the previous sentence, the first clause is not independent, so you don't use a period after said.

Did that clarify things?

That's mostly what I thought, but it is okay to use an action in such an instance instead of a speech tag?

 

[The Din]

What about: BWFoster78 wrote a lot of stuff. "Did you like any of it?" That got him a mixed bag of answers from the denizens of Mythic Scribes. A few tears, a raised middle finger, even a wordy reprimand. 'Go take a long walk on a short pier then, all of you.'

Just curious as to how much we can get away with using resulting actions in the same paragraphs. I don't want my prose looking like a 100k poem by the end, etc.

 

[BWFoster78]

That's mostly what I thought, but it is okay to use an action in such an instance instead of a speech tag?

I was hoping you wouldn't ask that

I struggle with that one myself as I find myself wanting to do it. Overall, though, I don't like it. Basically, you have to do something like this:

"Because I put the action here," - BWFoster78 paused as he considered how best to handle the punctuation. - "I have to find a way to separate the complete sentence of the action. I guess dashes are my best bet, but I hate how it interrupts the flow of the dialogue."

I'm not even sure that this is correct punctuation. Sorry I couldn't be of more assistance on this one.

 

[BWFoster78]

What about: BWFoster78 wrote a lot of stuff. "Did you like any of it?" That got him a mixed bag of answers from the denizens of Mythic Scribes. A few tears, a raised middle finger, even a wordy reprimand. 'Go take a long walk on a short pier then, all of you.'

Two posts in a row asking me things I'm unsure of! What the crap?

Seriously, I think, in general, your example is okay (except the "a few tears..." section is actually a fragment) because "That got..." doesn't have anything performing an action to confuse the issue of who is speaking. Maybe this is a good place to use passivity.

 

[Penpilot]

1. "The dragon is coming." Sir Amory readied his spear. "We need to prepare."

Just a small aside if anyone cares. You can use em-dashes to create similar and different effects and possibly a little more clarity as to what's going on, if it's important. For example (I'm pretty sure this is correct but someone please correct me if I mess these examples up )

"The dragon is coming.--" Sir Amory readied his spear "--We need to prepare."

This indicates that Sir Amory stops speaking to ready his spear before speaking again. I'm not sure if the period for the first part should be there are not.

"The dragon is coming."--Sir Amory readied his spear--"We need to prepare."

This indicates the words are spoken continuously while he readies his spear.

Em-dashes can be used to in the middle of sentences too for the same effects as follows.

"The dragon--" Sir Amory readied his spear "--is coming."

"The dragon"--Sir Amory readied his spear--"is coming."

 

[Christopher Wright]

Well here's how I'd do it...

"Because I put the action here," - BWFoster78 paused as he considered how best to handle the punctuation. - "I have to find a way to separate the complete sentence of the action. I guess dashes are my best bet, but I hate how it interrupts the flow of the dialogue."

I think it works better this way:

"Because I put the action here..." BWFoster78 paused as he considered how best to handle the punctuation. "I have to find a way to separate the complete sentence of the action. I guess dashes are my best bet, but I hate how it interrupts the flow of the dialog."

Ellipses can be used to facilitate a "graceful interruption" by the narrator. I use dashes when the speaker, rather than the narrator, interrupts himself:

BWFoster78 paused as he considered how best to handle the punctuation. "I have to find the best way to explain this--I'm trying dashes, but I'm not sold on it--before that Christopher Wright guy comes in here and makes another mess."

;-)

 

[BWFoster78]

Well here's how I'd do it...



I think it works better this way:

"Because I put the action here..." BWFoster78 paused as he considered how best to handle the punctuation. "I have to find a way to separate the complete sentence of the action. I guess dashes are my best bet, but I hate how it interrupts the flow of the dialog."

Ellipses can be used to facilitate a "graceful interruption" by the narrator. I use dashes when the speaker, rather than the narrator, interrupts himself:

BWFoster78 paused as he considered how best to handle the punctuation. "I have to find the best way to explain this--I'm trying dashes, but I'm not sold on it--before that Christopher Wright guy comes in here and makes another mess."

;-)

I agree. I don't like the dashes either. This is the better way to handle it.

 

[ShortHair]

Some sort-of-basic grammar.

The speech tag can go anywhere. To place the punctuation around it, take it out of the speech entirely. If it goes between two sentences, you should end the tag with a period. If it goes in the middle of a sentence, you should end the tag with a comma.

Using dashes depends on what's around them. Inside the quotes, they indicate a pause in the speech. Outside the quotes, they indicate a pause in narration or action. Theoretically, you could put a dash at the end of a speech and at the beginning of the subsequent text, but that looks bad and would confuse everyone. For the same reasons, you wouldn't end one speech with a dash and start the next one with a dash. You can, however, put dashes everywhere if the speeches and narratives are broken up by paragraphs.