Diction

[Grand Lord BungleFic]

Does anyone have suggestions for getting the diction right? I'm finding it hard to know when I'm giving the story just the right touch of poetry without coming off as pretentious.

Sometimes I just CAN'T seem to find the right metaphor or the right lively choice of words.

It's driving me nuts because I'm convinced that the story would have a very broad appeal if I can just avoid sounding amateurish when telling it.

 

[wordwalker]

I'm not sure there's a single answer here. Poetic description, advanced dialog, and so on are immensely subtle, and the best solution might be some heavy reading in books you think make this work. (Patrick Rothfuss and Charles de Lint are good starts.)

Two things though:

I think a lot of style is consistency, so be careful jazzing up some phrases and leaving the other half of the page flat, though of course not every line should be equal.

And (the first thing I thought of with "diction") if this includes experimenting with dialog and different accents, remember to write out the words but not the accent, except for throwaway characters.

 

[Feo Takahari]

This is easier with first person than with third. In general, if you have a protagonist who could feasibly do everything the story requires, no one will complain about having them speak the way they would in real life. It's only when you use an informal voice in third person that some people start whining.

 

[Penpilot]

Does anyone have suggestions for getting the diction right? I'm finding it hard to know when I'm giving the story just the right touch of poetry without coming off as pretentious.

Sometimes I just CAN'T seem to find the right metaphor or the right lively choice of words.

It's driving me nuts because I'm convinced that the story would have a very broad appeal if I can just avoid sounding amateurish when telling it.

It's all about your pov character. The world is filtered through them. The words used to describe the world should feel like they come from them. If you're trying to force words that they naturally wouldn't use, then it won't work.

Also fancy metaphors and lively words do not make a manuscript sound professional nor does a story told simply equate to amateurish. For example the simpleness of Hemingway vs the density of Falkner. Here's a couple of quotes in which they talk about each other.

William Faulkner on Ernest Hemingway: "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

Ernest Hemingway on William Faulkner: "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

 

[Steerpike]

It's all about your pov character. The world is filtered through them.

Assuming you are in a tight POV, of course. Some authors use a distant, omniscient POV where the words are not filtered through any character.

 

[Grand Lord BungleFic]

Thank you all for the replies.

For reasons that are a little complicated, a very tight POV would be a disaster in this particular story. I'm as strict with the POV as possible but it just wouldn't work for me to try to describe the world in the way he would if he were telling it.

So...I only describe scenes and events the POV character is aware of but I just don't think it's possible to write the descriptions themselves as if we were hearing his thoughts.

I love the way Christopher Paolini writes but I worry that I don't have the kind of mind that can write like that. I'm a research scientist - as such, I've spent my entire adult life publishing scientific papers that are accurate, totally literal and totally precise. Obviously you can't write a fiction novel the way you would write a paper for publication in a scientific journal. There's the problem: I want so badly to get this novel published but to do that I'm going to have to learn an entirely new way of expressing my thoughts.

Edit: Just to add one thought... I use very few words that would send the average reader to the dictionary. What I have in mind is the way a good writer can use ordinary words to paint a very detailed picture of what's going on.

For example, this morning I'm trying to improve the following sentence, "She started running down the road." (Was she sprinting? Trotting? Jogging?) If I say "she started sprinting down the road", that just sounds too much like the kind of thing you'd see in a book written for 12 year olds. I just have the sense that a good writer would find a way to say this without sounding like he tore a sentence out of the pages of a Hardy Boys book.

 

[WyrdMystic]

For example, this morning I'm trying to improve the following sentence, "She started running down the road." (Was she sprinting? Trotting? Jogging?) If I say "she started sprinting down the road", that just sounds too much like the kind of thing you'd see in a book written for 12 year olds. I just have the sense that a good writer would find a way to say this without sounding like he tore a sentence out of the pages of a Hardy Boys book.

This is about using strong verbs and making sure no words are wasted. Example - 'started' makes the sentence weaker. You can use a stronger verb and go with 'She ran/jogged/sprinted/marched down the road'. Then extend if you so wish.

Its about reading, research and practice. You don't need years of academic training to be a writer, just the skill to tell a story, the perserverance to get it finished, the backbone to let people rip it apart, and the willingness to learn and adapt as you go. Emphasis on the perserverance!

 

[Penpilot]

I have a bit of a science background too and yes, writing for science, totally different way of writing. Pretty much opposite of story writing, passive voice preffered over active.

Ok, so you not in tight with the POV character. Got it. So lets look at the sentence you're trying to improve.

"She started running down the road."

It isn't bad. It works. I would agree with WyrdMystic that maybe instead of 'started running' use 'ran' instead. BUT that's you're choice. It depends on what you're trying to convey. Not every sentence has to dazzle. Some just have to do the work. It's great that you put a lot of thought into what you're trying to say, but don't over think it. Don 't try too hard to jam everything into too tight a package.

What are the other sentences that surround that one? Those are just as important because a sentence is just a part of a greater whole that all together works toward what ever you're trying to express. Sometimes "She started running down the road." is exactly what's best suited for what the story needs, and sometimes it's not.

Pull back a little and figure out what you're trying to get at with that section of story that involves her running. If all there is too it is she's running, then maybe that's all you need. Here's a small example.

The wolves close around her, teeth glistening. Saliva dripped from their steaming breath like rain. Her gut quivered as wetness ran down her leg.

She ran.

Not the best example in the world but notice that last sentence. It's simple and on it's own it doesn't have much impact. But as part of something bigger it does exactly what it needs to. Sure there are other word choices other than 'ran' like 'bolted' but the former works better IMHO. Also I wouldn't want to used words like 'galloped' or 'trotted' or 'dashed' either. I don't think they would be quite as quick to the point.

I don't know if this ramble makes any sense, but hopefully you get something out of it.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

I agree with WyrdMystic & PenPilot but I'll add a small point.

Write for clarity. When you start writing to impress you will lessen the work.

 

[BWFoster78]

I had the problem when I started writing as well. I thought there had to be something "special" about each and every sentence.

Pull out your favorite book and pick a random paragraph. I think you'll quickly come to the realization that there is absolutely nothing special about the average sentence. Occasionally, the author will find a "writerly" way to say something, but, more often than not, he's just telling a story.

That's not to say that technique can't enhance your story. Clear writing without a lot of wasted words is much easier to read than verbose drivel. My suggestion is to concentrate on what you want to say and let the saying of it come naturally.

Once you have something produced, let some other writers take a look at it and give you advice on how to improve it.

 

[Twook00]

I spend a little over two hours a day in my car. I tried the whole voice recorder thing on my iphone for a few months and can't say I got anywhere. It was good for talking through story issues and spinning ideas though.