Fantasy Worlds Gone Steampunk

[NumberFiftyFive]

Steampunk Fairytales: What the devil is a Shaar?
While in the heat of writing an epic fantasy novel it occurred to me that exposure is a rather important factor in obtaining some measure of success as a writer. While I initially decided to share out of sheer excitement, I also realize Im very much in need of feedback, first on my world and organization (there's just so much to say, where to start?) but soon enough on my writing (short stories and chapters of the novel to come).

 

[Saigonnus]

Truthfully, I haven't looked at everything on your blog but something struck me as odd about the character background for Ashley.

"It wasn’t until the eve of her coronation on her ninth (equivalent to her eighteenth) birthday that she realized the true potential danger and treachery of her adoptive mother Tsarina Elaine."

I found this decidedly odd in the scheme of things, and there may be a reason for it within the construct of your story.

Why THAT particular night and not two weeks before the coronation, or a month after? it seems a bit cliché, (truthfully, the only thing I found cliché) that events like that in novels often happen on the day of a coronation. It also seems to me that even months after, she'd still be inexperienced enough in ruling that the story could go from there instead of ON the night of her coronation.

I would think if the queen were dabbling her fingers in things she shouldn't while she was a teenager, she'd notice little things and perhaps even put those little things together; even if she doesn't know how they are connected. Undoubtedly, she'd hear rumors or gossip from the servants (who aside from turning down the sheets and lighting the hearth are likely to be the maker's gossip-mongers) or other denizens of the castle about these strange occurrences or see visitors at odd hours of the night, strangers from far-off corners of the kingdom. Perhaps that night is the event that acts as a catalyst for that revelation, but she'd probably picked up things that happened before that specific night.

Just my input, welcome to the scribes.

 

[NumberFiftyFive]

Indeed you have a point.

Truthfully, I haven't looked at everything on your blog but something struck me as odd about the character background for Ashley.

"It wasn’t until the eve of her coronation on her ninth (equivalent to her eighteenth) birthday that she realized the true potential danger and treachery of her adoptive mother Tsarina Elaine."

I found this decidedly odd in the scheme of things, and there may be a reason for it within the construct of your story.

Why THAT particular night and not two weeks before the coronation, or a month after? it seems a bit cliché, (truthfully, the only thing I found cliché) that events like that in novels often happen on the day of a coronation. It also seems to me that even months after, she'd still be inexperienced enough in ruling that the story could go from there instead of ON the night of her coronation.

I would think if the queen were dabbling her fingers in things she shouldn't while she was a teenager, she'd notice little things and perhaps even put those little things together; even if she doesn't know how they are connected. Undoubtedly, she'd hear rumors or gossip from the servants (who aside from turning down the sheets and lighting the hearth are likely to be the maker's gossip-mongers) or other denizens of the castle about these strange occurrences or see visitors at odd hours of the night, strangers from far-off corners of the kingdom. Perhaps that night is the event that acts as a catalyst for that revelation, but she'd probably picked up things that happened before that specific night.

Just my input, welcome to the scribes.

In the case of Ashley I certainly oversimplify things, but you're right that it sounds cliché. I used the term "eve" to refer to the night before, not after, though, and I'm wondering which people generally assume is meant. Either way the exact day or night of her coronation is simply a climax of realization, she's well aware of treachery beforehand, but still surprised to be undermined by the Queen.

 

[Svrtnsse]

With "eve" I generally assume it's the evening of the night before the day in question - Christmas Eve etc.

 

[Saigonnus]

One definition of "Eve" is simply a shortened form of "Evening", so forgive me if I confused you.

 

[Asura Levi]

I would say the term 'eve' meaning before or after is quite variable, sure christmas eve is before, because we celebrate before, but if in the coronation day, the celebration goes through evening/night, than I would understand as being the evening of her coronation.

Putting it simpler, coronation evening is the evening she is being coronated.