Have you ever rewritten your first story?

[Chessie]

I grew up watching horror movies on my mother's lap if that tell you anything...

 

[evolution_rex]

your ideas were a lot better at 7 years old than mine at 7 years old, lol...

That's actually...a pretty surprising story for a 7 year old. Did not go in the direction I expected. I'd read it if adapted to a serious work!

Thanks guys. My 7 year old self would be pleased to hear that too.

I think there is something to this topic. Most people's first stories don't deserve to see the light of day. But there has to be something special about them. Because they're the stories that made us realize we had to be writers. They're the stories that we cared enough about to take from beginning to end back when we didn't know what we were doing or maybe even that we would become writers. There's something special about that.

I think that's a pretty good way of describing it.

I've not felt negatively about past things I've written, but I'm currently doing my first novel. And I kind of hope that I don't view it as awful as some people view their first.

 

[TheKillerBs]

Of course not. I don't even remember my first story.

 

[Caged Maiden]

My first three stories are so awful I don't think I'll ever rewrite them. But, I'm rewriting the other ones. One at a time. Starting with the 7th.

 

[Writer 1 Gregory]

I actually wrote my first story as a composition for my English exam in 11th Grade (four years ago) and I tried to rewrite it a short while after I started my first novel and unfortunately I couldn't remember it well enough. It was a short paranormal/romantic tragedy type story. the main character spots a familiar face in a crowd and she moves away so he follows her and ends up kidnapped by her and her manservant.

About all I can remember after this is that there was a heck of a lot of kissing and cuddling, and he (the MC) goes to sleep as part of his unknowing transformation into a vampire and wakes up several thousand years later to reunite with the woman who turned him and find his world in a shambles. I am actually considering redoing it anyway and just seeing where it goes...maybe it'll be better having had 4 years to rest in the back of my mind.

 

[Michael K. Eidson]

I am using an unpublished trilogy I wrote about 30 years ago as the history for my WIP. The trilogy will remain unpublished in all likelihood, but the characters and setting have not been abandoned.

 

[Demesnedenoir]

I'm the opposite, my current work is the history of my writing 30 years ago. Now, if I get far enough I might rewrite those stories, but the amount of changes would make it all but unrecognizable.

I am using an unpublished trilogy I wrote about 30 years ago as the history for my WIP. The trilogy will remain unpublished in all likelihood, but the characters and setting have not been abandoned.

 

[Caged Maiden]

You know...if ever there was a safe and friendly way to put all our first stories up on this forum, just to have a bit of a laugh and chat (over many bottles of wine, methinks), that would be a riot! I'd totally throw mine in the ring, but alas, I can't imagine anyone would ever want to actually finish them, even if they did start reading in good fun. Terrible. Just awful. But it'd be a good time, reading what everyone did when they were a young writer. And I don't mean young in age, I mean experience.

I wrote my first story when I was 21...many years ago. As a teen, I never thought about writing. Like, at all. I was a reader.

Today, I was so super excited to begin reading a book I originally read in 1994...one of my favorite books ever. And though I was at a waterpark with my kids for the last two days, I still found time to crack it open while the kiddos were in the wave pool with daddy...because I simply couldn't wait until we came home to read.

Oh man, I sure never meant to write a book. I just loved reading so much. The only reason I began writing was because of a terrible job I had at the time (selling Hyundais back in 2001). I worked 12-hour days and I didn't really like to talk to my coworkers, who were all considerably older than I was, and we'll just call them hardened car salespersons. I didn't have much in common with them, so I wrote at my desk, to look busy and therefore avoid conversations about buying homes and love lives, and everything else that didn't pertain to me at the time (but evidently was extremely riveting to middle-aged people). Now that I'm older, I can appreciate that sort of conversation a whole lot more, but the writing disease has completely festered and changed me forever.

I mentioned earlier that the first novels I wrote were garbage. But as I wrote (to entertain myself for a decade, while my kids were young, my husband watched sports, etc.) I got better at coming up with ideas and creating characters and plots, and by then, i was hooked. Still didn't know a damn thing about writing, but was invested to the point that I couldn't turn back.

I guess I owe all this journey to one horrible job that I sucked at. In 2011, I came to this forum one night because I wanted to write a scene that I got stuck on. I was pretty confident in researching, but at the time, I was looking into 16th century seafaring, to find out how life aboard a ship was actually lived, and it was a dead end, no matter where I looked. I could find statistics about ships, and material about what sailors ate and how many men were aboard a boat, and what diseases got to them, and so forth, but relatively nothing about what life was actually like. How officers and crewmen related, or what kinds of laws exist aboard a ship. So I came here and asked around, but no one responded to answer my questions for a whole year (thanks, Fluffypoodel, for saving me eventually).

But by then, I was already engrossed by the challenge section and making friends, and trading critiques, and so on, that I forgot my problem with that novel (my tenth), and was busy writing other things. I eventually got my answers, and finished that series of events aboard the ship. But that November, I heard about nanowrimo here, and I was off. Down the rabbit hole, never to return to the land of the sane. I was hooked. I became a writer in my heart and soul, and began my quest to be the best writer I could be.

Now that i'm much more experienced, it's hard to look back at those early works and think them worth any of my time. But, who knows. Maybe one day I'll rewrite them just to see what I can do to fix them. Basically, I would keep about three things, and rewrite everything else. HA!

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

You know...if ever there was a safe and friendly way to put all our first stories up on this forum, just to have a bit of a laugh and chat (over many bottles of wine, methinks), that would be a riot! I'd totally throw mine in the ring, but alas, I can't imagine anyone would ever want to actually finish them, even if they did start reading in good fun. Terrible. Just awful. But it'd be a good time, reading what everyone did when they were a young writer. And I don't mean you in age, I mean experience.

I wrote my first story when I was 21...many years ago. As a teen, I never thought about writing. Like, at all. I was a reader.

Today, I was so super excited to begin reading a book I originally read in 1994...one of my favorite books ever. And though I was at a waterpark with my kids for the last two days, I still found time to crack it open while the kiddos were in the wave pool with daddy...because I simply couldn't wait until we came home to read.

Oh man, I sure never meant to write a book. I just loved reading so much. The only reason I began writing was because of a terrible job I had at the time (selling Hyundais back in 2001). I worked 12-hour days and I didn't really like to talk to my coworkers, who were all considerably older than I was, and we'll just call them hardened car salespersons. I didn't have much in common with them, so I wrote at my desk, to look busy and therefore avoid conversations about buying homes and love lives, and everything else that didn't pertain to me at the time (but evidently was extremely riveting to middle-aged people). Now that I'm older, I can appreciate that sort of conversation a whole lot more, but the writing disease has completely festered and changed me forever.

I mentioned earlier that the first novels I wrote were garbage. But as I wrote (to entertain myself for a decade, while my kids were young, my husband watched sports, etc.) I got better at coming up with ideas and creating characters and plots, and by then, i was hooked. Still didn't know a damn thing about writing, but was invested to the point that I couldn't turn back.

I guess I owe all this journey to one horrible job that I sucked at. In 2011, I came to this forum one night because I wanted to write a scene that I got stuck on. I was pretty confident in researching, but at the time, I was looking into 16th century seafaring, to find out how life aboard a ship was actually lived, and it was a dead end, no matter where I looked. I could find statistics about ships, and material about what sailors ate and how many men were aboard a boat, and what diseases got to them, and so forth, but relatively nothing about what life was actually like. How officers and crewmen related, or what kinds of laws exist aboard a ship. So I came here and asked around, but no one responded to answer my questions for a whole year (thanks, Fluffypoodel, for saving me eventually).

But by then, I was already engrossed by the challenge section and making friends, and trading critiques, and so on, that I forgot my problem with that novel (my tenth), and was busy writing other things. I eventually got my answers, and finished that series of events aboard the ship. But that November, I heard about nanowrimo here, and I was off. Down the rabbit hole, never to return to the land of the sane. I was hooked. I became a writer in my heart and soul, and began my quest to be the best writer I could be.

Now that i'm much more experienced, it's hard to look back at those early works and think them worth any of my time. But, who knows. Maybe one day I'll rewrite them just to see what I can do to fix them. Basically, I would keep about three things, and rewrite everything else. HA!

Would even drunk you want to read a 12 year old's 79,000 word vomit?? Lol. It was bad. It was baaaaad.

Anyways, I think we should all write the stories of our writer journeys on a thread here. Or something. Because I think it would be pretty fascinating to see where we have all started and been and how we all ended up here. (I ended up on MS googling fantasy writer forums. Don't remember why. I lurked here for several months before getting an account.)

 

[Caged Maiden]

I've definitely told my personal story at least a dozen times. We've had a number of "how did you get started" threads, but they get lost over time. I suppose that's why I start threads detailing my journey in some way, because I can't possibly find those posts now, after five years on this forum. HA! I also use my portfolio to show some of my earlier work and then whatever I'm currently working on. However, whenever I submit them to agents, I take them down, because they DO show up in google searches. Just in case folks aren't aware of that. And since they show up, they could work against you as "published" works on an online forum, which some agents specifically say they won't read.

But it is amusing to share those old works anyways. A few years ago, one of my steady crit partners and I exchanged first chapters of very early books, sort of to motivate ourselves and prove we've gotten somewhere though the going is often slow. It was good fun. My only warning is that it's a bit like taking your clothes off, showing your first writing. I'd recommend doing it only with friends you like a lot, who you know won't laugh and point. HA! it can be somewhat hurtful if someone laughs at you, even if you're laughing with them. And the last thing you want is to feel defensive.

Yeah, I'd totally show my old work, but I probably wouldn't put it up for public consumption. It certainly isn't anything I'm proud of having written at this point. I know how far I've come, and would be much happier if people read what I'm currently capable of. HA!

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

I've definitely told my personal story at least a dozen times. We've had a number of "how did you get started" threads, but they get lost over time. I suppose that's why I start threads detailing my journey in some way, because I can't possibly find those posts now, after five years on this forum. HA! I also use my portfolio to show some of my earlier work and then whatever I'm currently working on. However, whenever I submit them to agents, I take them down, because they DO show up in google searches. Just in case folks aren't aware of that. And since they show up, they could work against you as "published" works on an online forum, which some agents specifically say they won't read.

But it is amusing to share those old works anyways. A few years ago, one of my steady crit partners and I exchanged first chapters of very early books, sort of to motivate ourselves and prove we've gotten somewhere though the going is often slow. It was good fun. My only warning is that it's a bit like taking your clothes off, showing your first writing. I'd recommend doing it only with friends you like a lot, who you know won't laugh and point. HA! it can be somewhat hurtful if someone laughs at you, even if you're laughing with them. And the last thing you want is to feel defensive.

Yeah, I'd totally show my old work, but I probably wouldn't put it up for public consumption. It certainly isn't anything I'm proud of having written at this point. I know how far I've come, and would be much happier if people read what I'm currently capable of. HA!

I would never. It feels like being naked whenever people read my writing, no matter how long ago it was. Naked and like...covered in fire ants.

I still cringe at the thought of my Top Scribe entries, though I haven't re-read them.

 

[Caged Maiden]

I wasn't even writing at your age...so just imagine where you'll be when you're my age! You have a great talent for showing imagery and using character thoughts. That's such a hard thing to do! Keep at it, Dragon. You'll learn things as you go, and critique is a hard thing to face sometimes, but I just know you'll be a great writer if you don't get discouraged from this path.

Sharing one's work is so emotionally taxing. I've shared most of my writing on this forum in one way or another (usually in the challenges). Sometimes you feel like an ass the next day (I showed you my most embarrassing story, Grin's Grim Tale) and other times you get a great score and positive feedback, and you feel like you can take on any concept. The trick is to let the negative comments slide off your back and not to worry about them. Sometimes story concepts are complete flops. Sometimes the concept was strong but execution was weak. Sometimes you take a bland concept and execute it so well people write you encouraging private messages, or leave thoughtful comments on you portfolio pages. The thing is, you have to write for YOU first, and worry about how other people take your writing, secondly.

I think that the first step to becoming a better writer is to be aware. Be aware of what you're really good at, and what needs a good amount of improvement. I'm really fortunate to have a writing group that is wholly supportive of me and honest with their feedback. They expect a lot of me, but they give me great tips when I fail to produce the results that matter. Without my critique partners (both past and present) I wouldn't be the writer I am now, and I certainly wouldn't have improved much. But every time you put yourself out there, you risk being embarrassed. Hopefully if you hone in on what you do really well, you can mask the things you suck at, and play to you strengths more and more, and learn to overcome your weaknesses or just fake it really well (like me).

I've had people say, "Hey, you're really great at writing character interactions. Rather than having this scene devolve into a fist fight, why not just have them argue? Your arguments are stronger than your fight scenes." Well, thanks, I suppose. At least I'm good at something. Let me consider that.

HA! I turned it into an argument, and the scene is better for it.

It's little things that you can improve on, I think, that make good writing great. Find your strengths, acknowledge that HERE is a set of things you really rock at. And then try to do more of that stuff, and fake it a little when you can't play to you strengths. That's what I do, anyways. And over time, I've found that people enjoy my stories more when I'm in my element. And not only that, but the positive feedback has helped me develop the confidence to overcome some of my weaknesses. There's still plenty I suck at, but people seem more forgiving now that I'm entertaining them. And also, I'm getting better at faking it, because my confidence is higher to begin with when I'm writing a scene that would have scared me stupid in the past.

Anyways, best wishes. You're full of talent and you're way ahead of the curve. It takes time to develop a full arsenal of skills as a writer, and it can be doubly challenging for young people who have less overall life experience to "write what you know" and also because they've had fewer years with which to focus specifically on writing.

I'm really lucky that I've been a stay at home mom for the past 8 years, without having to have a real job. Sure, I have four little kids, and I wish I had an office where I could GO to write, sometimes, but it's important enough to me that I make time for writing and developing stories, and talking to writer friends on the phone, and so on. We all have to balance real life with writing fiction, and for some of us it's just a habit now, and we can't draw our attention away from it long enough to cleanse ourselves of the NEED to get ideas out and on paper. I know you fit into that category, because you've been dong it since you were very young. Just keep that energy focused where you can, and allow yourself to be a person too. You have many great years of writing ahead of you, and I know sometimes it feels like you just want to be done NOW...but I've already admitted I'm rewriting my seventh novel (written in 2008). I've written so much. And yet, I have nothing of professional, publishable quality to show for it. So don't feel bad, or like you can't do this. You absolutely CAN. I believe in you!!!

 

[Ireth]

Hoo boy. I think we still have a copy of my first story kicking around the house somewhere... I wrote it when I was six, and my mom typed it up on the typewriter she had all the way back in 1995. It was a fanfic (not that I knew the meaning of the word) of the TV show Wishbone, in which the titular dog and his canine friends (all OCs, as far as I'm aware) discovered a bone missing from a dinosaur skeleton in a museum and went looking for it. There was even a sequel, though the title and plot of that one escape my memory. Maybe one day I'll find it again.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

Hoo boy. I think we still have a copy of my first story kicking around the house somewhere... I wrote it when I was six, and my mom typed it up on the typewriter she had all the way back in 1995. It was a fanfic (not that I knew the meaning of the word) of the TV show Wishbone, in which the titular dog and his canine friends (all OCs, as far as I'm aware) discovered a bone missing from a dinosaur skeleton in a museum and went looking for it. There was even a sequel, though the title and plot of that one escape my memory. Maybe one day I'll find it again.

if we're including six-year-old stories...oh lord

I still have my first story (and its sequel). It was about dinosaurs. The villain was a guy who wanted to send the dinosaurs to extinction. His name was...Dino-dangerer-man. Yup.

That's what I meant when i said 'your 7-year-old ideas were better than mine."

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

I wasn't even writing at your age...so just imagine where you'll be when you're my age! You have a great talent for showing imagery and using character thoughts. That's such a hard thing to do! Keep at it, Dragon. You'll learn things as you go, and critique is a hard thing to face sometimes, but I just know you'll be a great writer if you don't get discouraged from this path.

Sharing one's work is so emotionally taxing. I've shared most of my writing on this forum in one way or another (usually in the challenges). Sometimes you feel like an ass the next day (I showed you my most embarrassing story, Grin's Grim Tale) and other times you get a great score and positive feedback, and you feel like you can take on any concept. The trick is to let the negative comments slide off your back and not to worry about them. Sometimes story concepts are complete flops. Sometimes the concept was strong but execution was weak. Sometimes you take a bland concept and execute it so well people write you encouraging private messages, or leave thoughtful comments on you portfolio pages. The thing is, you have to write for YOU first, and worry about how other people take your writing, secondly.

I think that the first step to becoming a better writer is to be aware. Be aware of what you're really good at, and what needs a good amount of improvement. I'm really fortunate to have a writing group that is wholly supportive of me and honest with their feedback. They expect a lot of me, but they give me great tips when I fail to produce the results that matter. Without my critique partners (both past and present) I wouldn't be the writer I am now, and I certainly wouldn't have improved much. But every time you put yourself out there, you risk being embarrassed. Hopefully if you hone in on what you do really well, you can mask the things you suck at, and play to you strengths more and more, and learn to overcome your weaknesses or just fake it really well (like me).

I've had people say, "Hey, you're really great at writing character interactions. Rather than having this scene devolve into a fist fight, why not just have them argue? Your arguments are stronger than your fight scenes." Well, thanks, I suppose. At least I'm good at something. Let me consider that.

HA! I turned it into an argument, and the scene is better for it.

It's little things that you can improve on, I think, that make good writing great. Find your strengths, acknowledge that HERE is a set of things you really rock at. And then try to do more of that stuff, and fake it a little when you can't play to you strengths. That's what I do, anyways. And over time, I've found that people enjoy my stories more when I'm in my element. And not only that, but the positive feedback has helped me develop the confidence to overcome some of my weaknesses. There's still plenty I suck at, but people seem more forgiving now that I'm entertaining them. And also, I'm getting better at faking it, because my confidence is higher to begin with when I'm writing a scene that would have scared me stupid in the past.

Anyways, best wishes. You're full of talent and you're way ahead of the curve. It takes time to develop a full arsenal of skills as a writer, and it can be doubly challenging for young people who have less overall life experience to "write what you know" and also because they've had fewer years with which to focus specifically on writing.

I'm really lucky that I've been a stay at home mom for the past 8 years, without having to have a real job. Sure, I have four little kids, and I wish I had an office where I could GO to write, sometimes, but it's important enough to me that I make time for writing and developing stories, and talking to writer friends on the phone, and so on. We all have to balance real life with writing fiction, and for some of us it's just a habit now, and we can't draw our attention away from it long enough to cleanse ourselves of the NEED to get ideas out and on paper. I know you fit into that category, because you've been dong it since you were very young. Just keep that energy focused where you can, and allow yourself to be a person too. You have many great years of writing ahead of you, and I know sometimes it feels like you just want to be done NOW...but I've already admitted I'm rewriting my seventh novel (written in 2008). I've written so much. And yet, I have nothing of professional, publishable quality to show for it. So don't feel bad, or like you can't do this. You absolutely CAN. I believe in you!!!

Thanks...I needed this right now...Thanks for believing in me.

So, in art class a couple weeks ago, I pretty much had an anxiety attack. I don't really know why, but I'd been working on the same drawing for like 5 weeks and I hated it and all I could do to it was erase stuff and redraw it. Over and over. My art teacher told me, you need to STOP JUDGING YOURSELF. You have a good drawing and all you see are the flaws. And yes. I see all the people on deviantart drawing awesome things and i'm like 'im not as good as that.' and feel worthless even though i've been drawing for what...a couple months? (He actually used the art-being-like-being-naked analogy, so I think it's something all creative types relate to)...but yeah. Everyone who knows me knows I'm my own most vicious demon.

This past week i've been feeling outright despondent over my WIP. Like 12 people I know want to read it and...uuuuugh. Some of these people don't know me very well and I'm not feeling great over it. When I tell people I'm writing a book their reaction is "cool, can I read it?" Does anyone grasp how intimate my stories can feel? But I really, desperately WANT to share my writing. So I say yes.

And I regret it. A lot. But not enough to make me too afraid to write, or to show people. I regret it later and feel ashamed, but not enough to keep me from doing it again. Because for me writing is relational and I have to let people see it. It's like "Here is the interior of my soul...tell me what you think" but I want to show people the interior of my soul, in the hope of connecting.

But no. My desperate urge to write (stories trying to claw their way out, scrabbling at the inside of my skull, all the time) is not going anywhere. I'm always looking to push myself harder, stretch myself, challenge myself. I have very little confidence in myself and that can make writing pain but do I have a choice? I'm a writer. I write. It's painful and scary but not writing is worse. I was born one, I never learned, I was born with stories practically oozing out of my nostrils...Is it a choice? Am I brave for fighting my demons? Is a drowning person brave for swimming up to the surface? Even on my worst days there is never a thing to do but keep on keepin' on.

I like to say that writing keeps me sane but it's also the reason i'm insane.

I'm actually better at fist fights than arguments. But I like arguments much better. SO...ugh.

Grin's Grim Tale...well, you did make me make weird faces. An emotional response in the reader is something.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

I wasn't even writing at your age...so just imagine where you'll be when you're my age! You have a great talent for showing imagery and using character thoughts. That's such a hard thing to do! Keep at it, Dragon. You'll learn things as you go, and critique is a hard thing to face sometimes, but I just know you'll be a great writer if you don't get discouraged from this path.

Sharing one's work is so emotionally taxing. I've shared most of my writing on this forum in one way or another (usually in the challenges). Sometimes you feel like an ass the next day (I showed you my most embarrassing story, Grin's Grim Tale) and other times you get a great score and positive feedback, and you feel like you can take on any concept. The trick is to let the negative comments slide off your back and not to worry about them. Sometimes story concepts are complete flops. Sometimes the concept was strong but execution was weak. Sometimes you take a bland concept and execute it so well people write you encouraging private messages, or leave thoughtful comments on you portfolio pages. The thing is, you have to write for YOU first, and worry about how other people take your writing, secondly.

I think that the first step to becoming a better writer is to be aware. Be aware of what you're really good at, and what needs a good amount of improvement. I'm really fortunate to have a writing group that is wholly supportive of me and honest with their feedback. They expect a lot of me, but they give me great tips when I fail to produce the results that matter. Without my critique partners (both past and present) I wouldn't be the writer I am now, and I certainly wouldn't have improved much. But every time you put yourself out there, you risk being embarrassed. Hopefully if you hone in on what you do really well, you can mask the things you suck at, and play to you strengths more and more, and learn to overcome your weaknesses or just fake it really well (like me).

I've had people say, "Hey, you're really great at writing character interactions. Rather than having this scene devolve into a fist fight, why not just have them argue? Your arguments are stronger than your fight scenes." Well, thanks, I suppose. At least I'm good at something. Let me consider that.

HA! I turned it into an argument, and the scene is better for it.

It's little things that you can improve on, I think, that make good writing great. Find your strengths, acknowledge that HERE is a set of things you really rock at. And then try to do more of that stuff, and fake it a little when you can't play to you strengths. That's what I do, anyways. And over time, I've found that people enjoy my stories more when I'm in my element. And not only that, but the positive feedback has helped me develop the confidence to overcome some of my weaknesses. There's still plenty I suck at, but people seem more forgiving now that I'm entertaining them. And also, I'm getting better at faking it, because my confidence is higher to begin with when I'm writing a scene that would have scared me stupid in the past.

Anyways, best wishes. You're full of talent and you're way ahead of the curve. It takes time to develop a full arsenal of skills as a writer, and it can be doubly challenging for young people who have less overall life experience to "write what you know" and also because they've had fewer years with which to focus specifically on writing.

I'm really lucky that I've been a stay at home mom for the past 8 years, without having to have a real job. Sure, I have four little kids, and I wish I had an office where I could GO to write, sometimes, but it's important enough to me that I make time for writing and developing stories, and talking to writer friends on the phone, and so on. We all have to balance real life with writing fiction, and for some of us it's just a habit now, and we can't draw our attention away from it long enough to cleanse ourselves of the NEED to get ideas out and on paper. I know you fit into that category, because you've been dong it since you were very young. Just keep that energy focused where you can, and allow yourself to be a person too. You have many great years of writing ahead of you, and I know sometimes it feels like you just want to be done NOW...but I've already admitted I'm rewriting my seventh novel (written in 2008). I've written so much. And yet, I have nothing of professional, publishable quality to show for it. So don't feel bad, or like you can't do this. You absolutely CAN. I believe in you!!!

In case that long thing was a little negative, you did encourage me and I'm thankful for that.

 

[Caged Maiden]

Not at all! I'm glad my words at least make a difference in a small way to you. The thing is, I've been a young person who is artsy. I've been a writer when I didn't know a damn thing about writing. I've been working to be a good writer now for the last five years. I'm just now, fifteen years down the road from where I began, taken this super seriously and working to publish. I didn't want it before. I suppose I could have published something on my own, but I thought it was shit and so I didn't do that. I have several drawings up here on the member gallery, and all I can say, is that I drew when I was young (like you did writing at a young age) and I stopped drawing when i was about twenty. After I got married, I didn't want to draw with my husband around, so I didn't do it. Ever. I've since started drawing a little for my novels, but that's it. It isn't magical to me as it was when i was fifteen and used to forgo sleep to draw all night and then go to school the next day.

I guess I realized that drawing was never going to be my future. A career. It was something I did for me, but as soon as I knew there was on really professional application that I could manage, I stopped. Things went digital and I'm a bit of a dinosaur with my pencils, paper, and paints.

Anyways, I've read only a couple samples of you writing, and I can see the skill in your work. But the thing with writing is that it's a different sort of art than most. Almost anyone can look at a pencil sketch of something and say, "That's nice." Because that's what it's meant to be, right? (I have a pencil sketch of a lion I did in 1996 in the gallery, I'll find the link). Anyways, it's meant to look good and that's it.

But writing is not the same thing. Writing is soulful and deep. It connects to a reader's emotions. I've never had someone cry when they looked at my lion drawing or my phoenix colored pencil picture , or my gouache cover painting. I get criticism or approval, but that's it. However, I've made people cry with my stories. I've made them laugh. I've made them want to be characters and fall for others. And that's something a drawing just can't do.

So...whether it's drawing or painting, digital art, photography, or writing, you will succeed and you will fail. Why? Because we measure ourselves and our successes based how others perceive our work. If someone hates my cover painting, I don't take it personally. I like it and it's good for my purposes, and that's that. Plenty of friends on Facebook have told me they think it's amazing. Plenty of folks here told me it was a shitty cover for a novel. Whatever.

But when I get feedback on my stories, I get it from a reliable source. I talk to a specific group of critters and readers, and I take what they say to heart. I absorb every impression they give as they read. I mentally tally each laugh and attaboy. I take notes about every criticism so I can weigh how much I agree and what I can do to fix the issue or whether it requires something drastic to elevate it into a great moment.

It's fine to be critical of oneself. If we aren't, we turn out cheap shit and personally, I think that's just inexcusable. I don't care about other people and their personal standards for their own work, I mean. They can publish what they want to. But I will not accept anything but my very best, and would be mortified if I represented my work as better than it actually was. However, there are plenty of people who think it's weak, and it doesn't hurt my feelings. People here, who have openly told me that I use too many words, or use too much subtlety, or that they think my plots suck or that my character is a brat, or that they hate my names, or that I have too many characters, etc. etc. etc. and on forever.

but the thing is, I love what I'm doing right now. Admittedly, I thought I was on the right track last year, and I SO wasn't. But the thing is, now that I've really found what i love to do and what i'm going to stick with, I feel my work is even more polarizing. Some people now LOVE it...and others really HATE it.

You have to find what you love. What makes you proud to stamp you name on that story?

And once you find that, it's great to keep learning and experimenting. I do. I'll never stop learning and trying new things, even if I fail magnificently. I won't be embarrassed anymore. Because when i was "fear writing" I turned out shit because I was too afraid and listening to the voices of disapproval in my head, and I couldn't divest myself from it for long enough to actually get something good developed. Now, i shut that voice up and write, and I don't make excuses. I call my friends and tell them that i'm having a hard time, and they talk sense into me and get me back on track, boosting my confidence and reminding me that I'll be successful if I keep on track and don't slide back into destructive habits and negative thinking.

I know you have a lot of anxiety. I can't say I did when I was young, but I certainly do now. I have panic and I have a great fear of success, and the better I think I'm doing, the more paralyzed i am some days. I recently divulged to my critique group that I was freaking out about their high praise. I felt like I could never match the successes they perceived, and that I felt like I would let them down and be devastated when they realized I was just a fraud who got lucky with a few chapters.

They assured me that no matter what, they're behind me 100% and will be my friends even if I turn in the worst chapter in the world. They'll be there to give advice and help me fix it. And you know what? It made all the difference in the world. I kept writing. I took risks and didn't make excuses. And when I got stuck and things weren't looking good, i called them again and we brainstormed (for each other's problems) and things are working out great.

One thing I think would really help you is to develop a small group of really trusted advisors. Not parents, not best friends. Pick two writers and two readers that you really trust. Totally have complete trust in. You want them to tell you the truth, and you want them to get to know your writing style. People who tell you everything's awesome won't help you get better, and they won't help your confidence either, because your doubtful mind will just start telling you that they're lying to you (as mine does to me). I had to stop sending work to my superfine because it made me feel like I was being self-indulgent when they loved every word I'd written. I felt I was being lied to, in a way. But if you share your work with everyone..you might fall into the trap that almost swallowed me. I heard too much feedback. I once thought that thirty critiques on a manuscript had to be better than three, right? And I was WRONG. It gets confusing, and I cut and pasted about a dozen critiques into an email once, to show a friend why.

I had so much conflicting criticism and advice, I couldn't make sense of it. One person wanted more details, another wanted less. One person loved a character, another hated him. One thought everyone talked the same and my dialogue was dull, another loved it and thought it clever. It just became a mess, and once I had "fixed" everything EVERYONE had told me...my story was a mess, and I've wasted eighteen months destroying it.

If you can get a small group that you trust implicitly, you can get to know your readers and they can get to know your style, and you can develop dialogue with them to sort out WHY one is saying more details while the other is saying less. Odds are, the problem isn't the details, it's just that the partners aren't quite sure what's wrong, and so they're trying to help without actually being able to diagnose what they don't like about you story. And seriously, this shit happens ALL THE TIME. That's why I'm good with my group, and I'm not looking to send stories to just everyone anymore. Feedback is great, but the more you can trust it as 100% truthful and constructive (even if it's negative), the better off your confidence will be, because at least you won't be confused on top of being convinced you suck (like I was).

Anyways, so that's my advice, for what it's worth. I've done a bunch of trades and critiques, hundreds. Finding a good partner is hard, but once you can establish a relationship, rather than just getting random feedback on the showcase or from strangers who maybe just don't get your vision or goals, the better off you'll be on honing in on exactly what you're trying to accomplish. You'll be able to ask for specific things in critiques, and be able to ask questions back and forth, and have conversations. "Great, I'm glad you told me that you hate my character, now can you tell me why?" And when you open up those questions for conversation, you sometimes can deduce so much more than just a character trait that's weak. You maybe see that the whole scene was wrong because it didn't allow for your character to make a mistake, and THAT'S why your reader said he didn't like your character because "she was too good at everything, and that's boring" or whatever it is.

 

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