I need some opinions on the following paragraph of my short story.
1. I have Aulog talking with his lieutenants about an upcoming battle. He is telling them where to march their fores. I'm trying to have the dialogue show Aulog pointing to "their main body" without actually writing. Is this awkward?
2. Again, this is another attempt at showing the concern to the reader. Basically, Aulog is telling his lieutenants that they will be surrounded to save the village from a siege. Am I trusting the reader too much here?
3. Again, I'm showing the reader through dialogue that there were no questions. Is this clumsy?
I've seen this done in other novels. Share with me your thoughts about the three questions or anything else you may notice.
Thanks!
Turning, Aulog gestured to the kasari. “Either they do not know we are here, or they don’t care. They're circling this village, apparently to kill all survivors. I had a mind to fight defensively from the village. Now, we need to focus their attention on us. We will march towards their main body, there,[SUP]1[/SUP] with the intention of collapsing those flanks on us.” Aulog paused to allow someone the opportunity to raise the obvious concern.[SUP]2[/SUP] When it didn’t come, he smiled to himself and continued. “You will be tempted to join your charges in the melee. I will allow only ranged attacks unless necessary. Any questions? Good.[SUP]3[/SUP] See to your Ragers.” He pulled a clock hanging from a chain attached to his belt. “We march in fifteen minutes. May the Shining Ones watch over us.”
1. I have Aulog talking with his lieutenants about an upcoming battle. He is telling them where to march their fores. I'm trying to have the dialogue show Aulog pointing to "their main body" without actually writing. Is this awkward?
2. Again, this is another attempt at showing the concern to the reader. Basically, Aulog is telling his lieutenants that they will be surrounded to save the village from a siege. Am I trusting the reader too much here?
3. Again, I'm showing the reader through dialogue that there were no questions. Is this clumsy?
I've seen this done in other novels. Share with me your thoughts about the three questions or anything else you may notice.
Thanks!