How do I gain confidence in my writing?

[Darkfantasy]

A book is written (mostly) to be read. Some are written just for fun. But I have never been able to let anyone read anything of mine. I really would love to Publish something, but it's the thought of someone reading it - it just makes me cringey.

I've tried to get over this. I prefer the thought of strangers reading it (I don't know why) and nobody I will ever be face to face with.
I want total honest. I don't care about crit I have thick skin, or being told it needs work or is bad. It's just something about letting someone read my work.

This is the first forum I've ever joined, because I can't share my work. But I want too.

Help?

 

[Caged Maiden]

I feel your pain.

I would throw up if I had to let my husband read my work, or my mom, or my neighbor. But I found a lot of great people here, met one awesome critique partner, joined a crit group, and even sent things to beta readers in my community. I've grown in confidence, and have shared my raw work with dozens of people. If you want a friend, you have loads to choose from here, and if you want an honest but kind opinion, PM me, I'll read for you. I read all kinds of stuff, and though I'm no expert, I can certainly give some useful advice. The friends I've made here have given me the confidence it took to let people I know read my work. Once I shared it with strangers, it became easier, and each time you improve and get a little better, it gets easier to do.

Best wishes.

 

[Chime85]

I'm in the same boat. I'm very fortunate that my gf does not give one single jot about fantasy, so I have nothing to little to gain from showing her my work (although I do pass over the odd paragraph to gain insight on its effect). There are many friends I would love to show my work to, but I lack the testicular fortitude to do so.

That said, I found a friend who does not read much, I have passed a few bits here and there and asked his opinion. I think that by asking someoe who does not read alot, they can give a first glance review at your work, without worrying about influences of literature they enjoy. If that person gets drawn to a story, keeing in mind books bore them, you're onto something.

x

 

[Ankari]

You say that you don't mind strangers reading your work and that you have a thick skin. Put an excerpt in the Showcase Forum and let us have at it!

Also, I don't think people close to you should read your work. They care too much about who you are rather than what you wrote. They want to give you positive reinforcement so that you'll beam at them and they can share in your good feeling. Get distant, solid criticism. We do that here.

As a side note, confidence is a muscle. You have to work on it. Push it to the limit then take it a step further on your next go around. At one point you'll discover your confidence has strengthened, rendering all previous fears moot.

 

[Caged Maiden]

Well said Ankari. You're always so encouraging, I like that.

 

[Darkfantasy]

Okay, I'll post something. Keep your eyes open lol

 

[shangrila]

The only way to overcome something like this is to go out and actually do it.

I was in a similar boat when I started my writing course, since you spend a fair amount of time face to face with people reading your writing and telling them about your story. But after a while you just sort of stop caring and find it fun. I'm usually fairly eager to read my stuff out nowadays.

 

[Kit]

I would die of embarrassment if people I know read my stuff, especially the X-rated parts (and certain other things that are even more intimate and revealing than the X rated parts). One word: Psudonyms.

 

[a dreamy walker]

@ dark fantasy: I actually suffer from extremely low confidence as well, so you're not alone.

My confidence problems essentially come from a combination of low self-esteem and really bad episodes of writers' block where I have had to wonder whether there was any point for me to write, or if I even wanted to get myself published.

Over the years, I have had help to get myself out of the messes that I have encountered, and as I have discovered from the day I joined, this forum is supportive and helpful - but low confidence/pessimism still hangs over my head like a white cloud during a typical British summer. The best advice I can give is that talking always helps, so don't worry about asking someone for help - I have asked for help many times in the past, and it never came back to haunt me.

 

[gavintonks]

The reality is if the work is not read it may as well not have been written, if you have a psychosis or a foible best ditch it if you wish to be a writer unless it helps you to write. There is only one thing I can say and as much as it is harsh - get over it - when you achieve something that resonates with people it is far more exciting than shivering outside your psychological cupboard.The difference between showing and not showing is some criticism, hell people have died for less

 

[fray123]

It is an ongoing process and has much to do with the natural penchant for writing. I have seen many people wrestle with it.

 

[Akahige]

I think the solution is to be found in acknowledging that self-confidence extends beyond simply writing. If we lack self confidence in all or most aspects of life, then it's a simple thing for it to filter into any of our passions as well. That to say, I think it'd be worth focusing on areas of your life in the smaller aspects, in which the self confidence issues can be more easily overcome. Then tackle areas that are a bit more difficult. I think you'll find over time that as your confidence grows, your personality will change, which in turn will inform and influence everything that you do, including your writing.

 

[Devora]

I try to let people read my stuff, but I LOATHE when they start reading it aloud.

 

[The Dark One]

I love that. My wife occasionally reads my stuff out loud and asks me numerous questions as she goes. She has a totally different brain to mine so it's fascinating the angles she comes from. Really challenging and definitely helps me to see the unfolding story as a reader might.

 

[ellenosb]

I suppose it's about recognising where your lack of confidence stems from. Is it fear that your work is rubbish? Well, the only way to improve is to get it out there. Is it fear that people won't like it? It is impossible to write something that everyone likes, so it's probably best to accept this and send things out anyway... and then you will find that there are people that love what you do, and the more they read and interact with it, the better you can write for them. I totally understand where you're coming from, because for ages I felt in the same boat, but at some point you need to grit your teeth and go for it. It will be hard, but it's progress.