How to 'kill' the he said/she said habit?

[Naruzeldamaster]

I mean obvious answer is practice. And maybe reading some good books too.
I'm doing a little better about it recently? but I'd still like to get rid of it if I can.

I am also wondering if words like stated / shouted etc could be adapted.

 

[skip.knox]

Why are you trying to do this? Just write stuff and use the saids wherever it feels right. Make changes in the edit, sure, but not in the drafting.

IMO YMMV ETC <g>

 

[pmmg]

id not want get rid of them for
No reason. Are they a problem?

 

[Naruzeldamaster]

Why are you trying to do this? Just write stuff and use the saids wherever it feels right. Make changes in the edit, sure, but not in the drafting.

IMO YMMV ETC <g>

The idea isn't exactly to 'kill' it, just to shave it off some and use it less like others here have suggested.

id not want get rid of them for
No reason. Are they a problem?

Not so much a problem, I just feel like I'm relying on them too much.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

I don't have issues with, "said.' It's a tool in the toolbox, like everything else. Most of the time it's invisible to all but the most... I should say diligent but really, precious and nitpicky come more naturally to mind. Note: I am exactly that nitpicker, The Evil Queen of Why, and I am utterly brutal about it, and a few other nits. Like repeated words in close proximity. Clarity issues. Pacing flubs. Inaccuracies.

Basically every sin I commit on the daily.

The method for dealing with 'said' that I lean in on the most is to remember there is a whole lot more than 'said' that happens in any given scene. Physiological responses to stress, lots of eyebrow action - save me from eyebrows, great googly moogly - a little bit of "what's in my pocket?" How about positioning and other uses for body language that can help tell the story? Subtext. I adore subtext.

In other words, it's just choreography, as much in conversation as in everything else we want to use to tell our stories. As a result, I don't use 'said' much, anymore. It's invisible, and I want fireworks, much of the time. And, as usual, this is what it looks like on my page.

~~~

Etienne returned his look with a small shrug and motioned for him to go ahead. The boy shrugged off the backpack, setting it down on the floor at the end of the counter with a soft creak of ancient floorboards. Etienne turned and watched the woman make her way to a stool behind the counter, where she pulled a second stool around for him. He still felt a little wary but sat.

Jessie exploded from behind the curtain. “‘Scuse me. Hungry woman, coming through.” She pushed herself between Etienne and her employer and rummaged in the box. “You,” she declared in a dictatorial fashion as she pulled out a bag and pushed it toward her employer, “eat this. All of it. Here’s your next coffee.” She looked over her shoulder to Etienne and said conspiratorially, “I’m waiting for her to vibrate to the center of the Earth. This is, like, her tenth coffee today,” before she grabbed the cup in the woman’s hand and tested the weight. “Drink this before it gets colder.” She made to hand the cup back and then snatched it back. “Why are your hands shaking again?”

“I’m fine.”

“Uh-huh. I’m telling Erik and Katherine.”

The woman’s voice sharpened. “That’s enough. Now go eat your lunch and let me speak with this gentleman, please.”

Jessie hesitated, worry playing across her face, and then she picked up the box. “Fine. For now.” She moved to the curtain and then spun back. “Hey, you guys hungry?” she asked Etienne.

Etienne’s head was spinning a bit from the whirlwind that was Jessie. “No,” he managed, “No, we just ate, but thank you for offering.”

She looked at him, head tipped to the side, her expression measuring. After a moment she chirped, “‘Kay,” and bounced back through the curtains.

Etienne shook his head, amused and confused in turns by this place. “She’s quite something.” The woman was taking deep swallows from the cup, her long throat working.

Finally, she set the cup down and tucked one trembling hand in the other, her face turned toward the back room. “She is, indeed,” she said quietly. The smallest of smiles pulled at her lips, but her love and affection for the girl were plain to see. She turned back to him. “Now, where were we?”

Etienne’s smile did reach his eyes. “Introducing ourselves, I believe.” He sat up straighter and gave her a small bow in his seat. “I am Etienne Knight, my lady, and my companion’s name is Cian.”

Her eyes lit up with recognition at his name. “You did say Arthur Reynolds,” she said, her voice breathy with wonder. “I’m Winter Mulcahy. Arthur was one of my uncles. He used to tell us stories about you from the war. I think we even have a picture of you at the House.”

Etienne’s heart jumped. Yes! Mulcahy was the name he had forgotten. “Do you know how I…” he trailed off, thinking over what she had just said. “Did you say ‘was?’”

 

[Penpilot]

There's nothing wrong with using said. It's an invisible word when it comes to stories. I think it's mostly writers who notice it, and/or worry about how much it's used. I've found going to extremes to avoid things that don't necessarily need to be avoided doesn't usually end well.

With that said, along the lines of what A. E. Lowan mentioned, designing your scenes to have motion in them will help a lot in reducing it's usage. Sometimes it's literal motion, where characters are moving about doing stuff. Sometimes it's emotional movement, where the character thinks about things. You can use these things to create action tags instead of using dialogue tags.

In addition, you can use what characters are doing to world build, character build, and/or move the plot along. For example, if you're writing a fantasy story, you can have characters wander through a market, noticing interacting with items, magic or not, interacting or noticing humans and non humans, and going through that will help flesh out the world and characters as well as provide opportunities for action tags instead of dialogue tags.

But there's a danger to action tags. You have to know how to pace out the actions and don't over do it, because if a character is constantly moving about doing something different with each piece of dialogue, it can make the character seem twitchy.