Today has been one of those days where I experienced something and found that I am one of few who could survive these experiences. My step-father, although a great man, is a certified, pain-in-the-butt redneck. Most people think a redneck is just someone who's from the south. Not so. Rednecks are people, mostly men, who are obnoxious, sarcastic (they think they're funny), not so smart most times and do things either without thinking or only thinking about it later. Like backing a camper truck into the garage with the back window still up. That actually happened in this house. So, some common survival tips I've found to work with rednecks. 1. This one only works for females. Rednecks more than often love to have their shoulders rubbed. So if they're being pissy or you think they're about to do something stupid but aren't telling you, just start rubbing their shoulders and/or neck and they'll melt and spill their guts. 2. Have a thick hide and a quick tongue. Most of their cracks are demeaning to one or more aspects of yourself. Either your physique, intelligence, or they say something that makes you stop dead and wonder what in heaven and earth is wrong with this guy. This is where you need a thick hide. A quick tongue is especially deadly as, being the intelligent one, your cracks will be better and stun them so bad they can't think of anything to say. 3. You better love barbecue. If you don't you soon will. Rednecks pride themselves on their barbecue skills. 4. You should know first aid. CPR, Heimlich, bandages, burn treatments, strange bruises etc. Think of rednecks as a preparation course for when you have kids. 5. Prepare to be messed with. Most rednecks I've met like to do something non verbal just to see the look on your face or how you react. Just today my family red neck hid the mustard. Then he hid my sandwich and blamed it on the dog. Luckily, rednecks do not understand the terms "Come-up-ins" or "Karma". Which is yours to deliver. I recommend sneaking into the bathroom while they're taking a hot shower and dumping ice cold water on them. My sister recommends sneaking in while they're sleeping and painting their nails. So that's my survival guide. Any questions or advice to your own redneck, feel free to ask.