Internal Monologues

[Trick]

I tend to have plenty of internal monologues in my work and I don't think that will change any time soon.

My question is, does anyone have advice on the best way to use this tool?

I've been told not to use tags (he thought etc) and not to use italics EVER (which I don't really know if I agree with or not) and that they can be in present or past tense but I'm just not solid on the best usage.

 

[Steerpike]

I wouldn't say never use tags, but use them sparingly. You'll see plenty of books on the shelves that use italics. My preferred usage is not to use italics and to incorporate the thoughts into the narrative as seamlessly as possible.

 

[Trick]

Hmmm, perhaps I won't treat IM tags like the plague anymore. Just the common cold.

I tend to have IM stand alone on a line, at least in handwritten form. Is that just too jarring or "hay, look at me" ?

 

[A. E. Lowan]

I tend to write in the individual character's voices, so you can say my entire narrative is an internal monologue. I never incorporate italics or thought quotes, because the narrative is already so deep inside the character's head that in my opinion it would be redundant. But, that's just the way I do it.

 

[Svrtnsse]

I may occasionally use thought tags when it's needed, but not all the time.
What I tend to do instead is change the language style to be more in line with the way the person thinks instead of my default narrator voice.

Internal monologue:

He knew wasn't supposed to talk about what he learned at work but what harm could it do. It wasn't top secret or anything, he wouldn't be breaking any rules or anything. It wasn't like the rumors weren't true anyway. “Don't worry, I've got something.”

(yeah, I know I'm not repeating "or anything" twice, it's the first draft - I'll sort that out later)

Default narrative:

“Is that where the village itself is?” Enar asked. He remembered coming past a crossroad last night on the cart, but couldn't recall seeing anything that looked like a village.
Hasse had yelled a greeting to someone sitting on a bench by the roadside. The person had yelled back, but they hadn't stopped and Enar hadn't thought much more about it. He'd been rather tired at the time.

 

[Nameback]

These seem like weird arbitrary rules to me.

If I'm describing my character's thought process in the third-person, then I use past-tense and say things like "he considered" and "he thought" and "she knew." But in those cases, I'm not writing a literal thought-quote so much as describing closely the overall thinking.

If I'm literally quoting my character's thoughts, then I use first-person and I use italics, but I generally keep it in-line with whatever came immediately prior.

If you don't use either, how is the reader supposed to understand what's going on? It seems like readers would find it extremely confusing to just have the narrative suddenly switch from third- to first-person without any kind of warning or demarcation, just as it would seem weird in a first-person narrative to switch from past- to present-tense without any delineation.

Clarity is not a bad thing. I know there's a lot of adamancy about not hand-holding the reader, but I think folks often go way overboard with that. People don't enjoy being confused. Withholding information for purposes of surprise, suspense, etc, and not doing bland exposition are worthwhile goals, but don't lose sight of clarity.

 

[BWFoster78]

I've been told not to use tags (he thought etc) and not to use italics EVER (which I don't really know if I agree with or not) and that they can be in present or past tense but I'm just not solid on the best usage.

I don't with either of the restrictions you mention. It's just like a speech tag - your goal is to communicate to the reader what is happening in the least obtrusive way possible. You also have to consider the genre you're writing. Italics is used all the time in epic fantasy. If you're writing YA, tags or no indicator at all is more common.

If you're using tags and assuming you're in past tense, do something like this the first time:

I'm having a thought, he thought.

For most of the subsequent thoughts, the switch from past to present tense will signal that it's internal monologue. For clarity, I tend to sprinkle in the occasional tag just as a reminder.

For my epic fantasy, I use italics. The trick is not to over do it. Most of the time, I try to use telling statements about what my character is thinking. When I do use a direct thought, I try to make sure it's short and impactful.

 

[Steerpike]

Actually, there are plenty of books where the author doesn't use italics or tags and it is very clear what's going on. That's the approach I tend to take, though I don't have a problem with it.

If you're submitting to traditional publishers, be aware that there are editors with a prejudice against italics for thoughts. I've talked to a couple of them, and one of them told me it immediately marks the author as an amateur in her eyes. Again, I disagree with this, but there are also readers who feel this way. If you're looking at it purely in terms of cost/benefit, then it is worth noting that while some people have a prejudice against italics for thoughts, I've never heard of anyone who has a prejudice against people who don't use them.

One writer I talked to about this contended that the Chicago Manual of Style opposed use of italics for thoughts (some publishers want you to follow that; I saw an editing job posted just yesterday that required it). I don't think that's actually true. Instead, when the Chicago Manual of Style mentions how to deliver direct thoughts, it doesn't mention italics as one of the options. So I guess since the CMS doesn't say to do it that way, some consider it against the CMS to do it.

My personal feeling is to write it in whatever way you prefer and think is best for your story. That's my personal feeling on any such topic though - POV, use of description and language, voice, tense, or whatever. There are plenty of books on the shelves that use italics for thoughts. But it pays to be aware that there are readers and editors out there who believe it is an incorrect usage.

 

[Creed]

Like Steerpike says, there are a lot of (very successful) books out there with italics in them. I have no idea why it would be considered amateur. Personally, I think they're a good way to give the direct voice of the character's emotions.
However, there is one reason you may want to avoid it. I once read a review on GoodReads for one of the Tales of the Malazan Empire and the woman commented on the italics as being "little daggers in my eyes" or something. That may be something to consider- just don't overdo it.
For both tags and italics, I'd stick with the everything-is-good-in-moderation adage. Note, however, that it doesn't apply to everything.

 

[Trick]

If you're using tags and assuming you're in past tense, do something like this the first time:

I'm having a thought, he thought.

For most of the subsequent thoughts, the switch from past to present tense will signal that it's internal monologue. For clarity, I tend to sprinkle in the occasional tag just as a reminder.

Thanks to all for posting advice.

I really like this lead-in idea. I think it would fit my WIP and MC quite well and my next edit will probably consist largely of these kinds of changes. Since I'm not working on what I consider Epic Fantasy I'll avoid Italics and then let Beta-Readers give their opinion on the clarity.

 

[The Dark One]

My books are (I hope) fairly immersive. There tends to be a 1st person POV, where obviously you don't need thought tags, but also several other 3rd person POVs. When writing 3rd person POV I simply write from the character's perspective and include their thoughts as part of the narrative. I never use thought tags. It works really well for me, but I've been writing seriously for 20 years and this is the way my voice has naturally evolved.

Try it by all means. It's a really good way of getting the reader into the characters' heads without confusing them with multiple
1st person POVs.

 

[skip.knox]

Did the person who told you these things provide anything like objective evidence? The exceptions are so numerous, I cannot imagine why anyone would seriously claim this.

 

[Trick]

No one person told me this. I've seen it in books on writing and specifically in Self-Editing For Fiction Writers.

From what members have said I think this is the path I'll follow: Use thought tags sparingly, especially at first to make it clear that present tense sections are internal monologue. If I want to I can use Italics in the final MS as long as internal monologue doesn't take up large portions of the finished pages because that may be "like knives in a readers eyes." Lastly, I'll try to establish my VPC's voice well enough that the switch from narrative to IM is obvious on it's own without signs pointing to it.