Butterfly
Auror
For the second time that night, Auggie crept through a forest, though now the moon hid behind clouds.
I don't think it's a problem with the word now, but with the commas. With the pair, you are using them as parenthesis, so the phrase between them is less important the the phrases around them. Effectively the moon becomes the subject of the sentence rather than Auggie. What you are saying above is that for the second time that night the moon hid behind clouds. When you want to say Auggie crept through the forest for the second time that night, though now the moon hid behind clouds.
I might be completely wrong, but that's the way I'm reading it.
I don't think it's a problem with the word now, but with the commas. With the pair, you are using them as parenthesis, so the phrase between them is less important the the phrases around them. Effectively the moon becomes the subject of the sentence rather than Auggie. What you are saying above is that for the second time that night the moon hid behind clouds. When you want to say Auggie crept through the forest for the second time that night, though now the moon hid behind clouds.
I might be completely wrong, but that's the way I'm reading it.
