Killing of my MCs brother?

[cak85]

Okay, so I am to going to try and keep this post as concise as possible.

My main character, Simta, is a grey-skinned lady giant who lives on a small archipelago in the middle of the ocean. In their society the people need to undergo several trials/tests in order to be accepted as a mariner/hunter. They call accepted people "Bound" because they are Bound to the Branch (kind of like a clan).

Anyways, to summarize my MC character's dad is considered to be a Boundless because he has taken one of their boats beyond the edge of the last island and has not been heard from again. He is basically forsaken.

So naturally she wants to go out and find her dad. Trouble is she needs a boat and only Bound members can use boats.

Simta passes the first few trials with no problem. It is on the last trial that there is complete disaster. The last trial involves hunting the sea-lizards that live and hunt in the deep basin outside of one of the islands. (sea-lizards are basically mosaurus) a giant pre-historic sea-lizard. I am kinda really into dinosaurs and prehistoric creatures!

Anyways back to the plot - Her hunt, that she is leading, ends in complete disaster, where several of the Bound with her die and they return with no sea-lizards. Naturally she fails this last test and can never be accepted as Bound member of their society.

This is where I am a little stuck. Her brother goes with her on this hunt, because he is basically her hunting partner.

I am thinking of having her brother die in this fight against the sea-lizards. Is that too cliche? I was thinking of having him getting eaten by a sea-lizard or drown?

The guilt of her brother dying puts her on a downward spiral of shame and embarrassment. It isn't until she becomes accepted by the crafters of her society that she starts to feel less guilt and then even makes a plan to take a boat without permission to find her dad. Of course it ends with her finding her dad but him not "wanting to be found."

Big question - is it cliche or overused to kill off her brother? I want her to really hit rock bottom so she can claw her way back up again. It's that kind of story. Any other ideas or feedback is totally welcome! I am still drafting this story, so its in a very early stage.

So much for keeping it concise!

 

[Mad Swede]

I think that perhaps you need to consider this a little further.

Writing this next bit as a retired officer, leadership is all about gaining the confidence and trust of those you are leading. Getting into a situation where your leadership (and probably your decisions) leads to mission failure and gets a load of your guys killed is seen as a disaster. As the leader you'll feel a real sense of guilt and shame, and your self-confidence will take a big hit. People will lose some or all of their trust in you, and that in itself can lead to some very public shame and embarassment. Your future will be on the line, and it takes time, a lot of work and often a major success for people to regain their trust in you.

I'm not sure you need to add the death of your character's brother to the mix. If you do, what you'll add is a lot of grief, a huge sense of loss and a lot of guilt to the mix. That might be too much, because what it should lead to is a breakdown for your character. Rock bottom probably won't even begin to describe it. Just getting into a state where your character can function again will take weeks, and your character might not ever recover fully. The trauma and the guilt will be with them for a long time.

 

[cak85]

Thanks. I really appreciate your feedback. When I came up with the idea, I was concerned it was a bit too extreme. As a discovery writer I tend to come up with ideas on the spot. Some of them are good and some of them not so good.

My main goal is to have her fail at this last task so she needs to find another way to achieve her goal. That is good to know about people losing faith in a leader after a big disaster. That is a big part of my story. Part of this story is about my MC learning to strike out on her own and take a different/unexpected path to achieve her goal. So even though she failed at this task, she learned some things about herself and her leadership style. She also has to learn how to work with and trust other people.

So I could probably have her fail at this last task but not as spectacularly as I originally intended? Maybe they come home empty handed? Or one of their boats is destroyed by a sea-lizard and the survivors have to swim to the nearest island. But definitely not letting her brother die.

 

[Chasejxyz]

I guess the question is when exactly in the story this happens? If we look at the very (high-level) template all stories fall under, there is an inciting incident (aunt beru and uncle owen get killed), the hero tries but fails (fight with vader, obiwan dies), the hero goes through some stuff to learn/get more powerful, then the hero tries again and succeeds (blows up death star). Sometimes success is literal (blows up death star), sometimes it's more metaphorical or the hero achieves their need instead of want (the ol "the real treasure was the friends we made along the way" bit). I really like this diagram of the 3 act structure for when I think about things.

I think if this disastrous hunting trip was the act 2 midpoint/twist, it would be the most effective. It totally derails her plans and she finds her want (pass tests, be a Bound) unreachable, so her subsequent struggles will be her discovering/attaining her need (earning the respect of her people). Maybe the pursuit of the want causes everything to fail (she does some foolish/selfish action to go after the quarry instead of protecting someone or heading their warnings), or maybe its the neglect of the need (she realizes something is off but chooses not to speak up because she believes they wont listen to her because she's not Bound yet).

Now, should her brother die? Maybe? If he's acting as a mentor-type then it would be pretty tropey, but if he dies because she screws up it'll be a lot different than him choosing to die to protect her. The oldest brother dies during the inciting incident of Brother Bear: the youngest brother wants to prove he's a man, so he's an idiot going after a bear, so the oldest brother sacrifices himself to save him. The guilt, instead of being pointed inward (where he discovers his need to care for others unselfishly)(aka internal conflict), is pointed outwards to seek revenge on the bear(the want to prove himself as a man)(the external conflict). That gets changed when he's changed into a bear (he believes he needs to go on this quest to turn back into a human). The journey changes him as a character so at the climax he chooses to sacrifice himself for someone else and then everything gets resolved. I'm sure there would be other ways to do the inciting incident without the brother dying, but would it have been as powerful? Movies have less time to build relationships so quick signals like that (or any parent dying in a Disney movie, really) says "hey this is sad, got it?"

But since you're writing a book and this, presumably, is not going to happen in the first 2-3 chapters, you can kill the brother and have it be more impactful. If he dies because of the sister's mistake, that will be a big challenge to her thoughts about her quest and motivations. The brother could also survive but be so wounded he won't be able to be a warrior/hunter/mariner again, which could have much of the same effect. When heroes fail before they hit the big climax, it's because they're not ready yet. They haven't gone through the necessary growth to succeed, and I think that's the part that you need to focus on the most right now. Make plans for things to work for the brother either dying OR living in the latter part of the story, and have that question in the back of your mind as you're writing. Once you finally get to the hunting test, you should have discovered much more of your story by then, then you should have a good answer as to what would fit best for the story's tone, the mindset of the sister, the brother's own character arc, the world at large.

 

[cak85]

I guess the question is when exactly in the story this happens? If we look at the very (high-level) template all stories fall under, there is an inciting incident (aunt beru and uncle owen get killed), the hero tries but fails (fight with vader, obiwan dies), the hero goes through some stuff to learn/get more powerful, then the hero tries again and succeeds (blows up death star). Sometimes success is literal (blows up death star), sometimes it's more metaphorical or the hero achieves their need instead of want (the ol "the real treasure was the friends we made along the way" bit). I really like this diagram of the 3 act structure for when I think about things.

I think if this disastrous hunting trip was the act 2 midpoint/twist, it would be the most effective. It totally derails her plans and she finds her want (pass tests, be a Bound) unreachable, so her subsequent struggles will be her discovering/attaining her need (earning the respect of her people). Maybe the pursuit of the want causes everything to fail (she does some foolish/selfish action to go after the quarry instead of protecting someone or heading their warnings), or maybe its the neglect of the need (she realizes something is off but chooses not to speak up because she believes they wont listen to her because she's not Bound yet).

Now, should her brother die? Maybe? If he's acting as a mentor-type then it would be pretty tropey, but if he dies because she screws up it'll be a lot different than him choosing to die to protect her. The oldest brother dies during the inciting incident of Brother Bear: the youngest brother wants to prove he's a man, so he's an idiot going after a bear, so the oldest brother sacrifices himself to save him. The guilt, instead of being pointed inward (where he discovers his need to care for others unselfishly)(aka internal conflict), is pointed outwards to seek revenge on the bear(the want to prove himself as a man)(the external conflict). That gets changed when he's changed into a bear (he believes he needs to go on this quest to turn back into a human). The journey changes him as a character so at the climax he chooses to sacrifice himself for someone else and then everything gets resolved. I'm sure there would be other ways to do the inciting incident without the brother dying, but would it have been as powerful? Movies have less time to build relationships so quick signals like that (or any parent dying in a Disney movie, really) says "hey this is sad, got it?"

But since you're writing a book and this, presumably, is not going to happen in the first 2-3 chapters, you can kill the brother and have it be more impactful. If he dies because of the sister's mistake, that will be a big challenge to her thoughts about her quest and motivations. The brother could also survive but be so wounded he won't be able to be a warrior/hunter/mariner again, which could have much of the same effect. When heroes fail before they hit the big climax, it's because they're not ready yet. They haven't gone through the necessary growth to succeed, and I think that's the part that you need to focus on the most right now. Make plans for things to work for the brother either dying OR living in the latter part of the story, and have that question in the back of your mind as you're writing. Once you finally get to the hunting test, you should have discovered much more of your story by then, then you should have a good answer as to what would fit best for the story's tone, the mindset of the sister, the brother's own character arc, the world at large.

This is super helpful advice! I really like the idea of her brother being gravely wounded. This could potentially cause even more of an emotional impact b/c its a constant reminder to her about how she messed up.

I have also been challenged with how to structure their society because I am trying to avoid the overused cliches of primitive tribes and nature magic.

Her society is very structured into 3 groups - Bound Hunters, Bound Mariners and Bound Spirit Walkers. She wants to become a Bound Mariner, which would let her use the boats, go hunting and fishing and most importantly have a say in where the boats go. However, she would not have a say in how to build the boats or what tools to use.

Bound Crafters are the boat builders, tool makers and builders etc. They are highly respected because of their skill at making boats, tools (like harpoons) and their homes. However Bound Crafters can not go hunting and can not decide where to take one of the clan's boats.

The last group - Bound Spirit Walkers - are in charge of the spiritual matters of the clan. They organize and lead all the rituals. They also play a vital role in communicating with the Endless Spiral and the gods/spirits of their island.

The 3 groups work in harmony with each other as they all provide mutual benefit and also have mutual checks on the other groups.

After failing at the sea-lizard hunting test, Simta has to decide whether to become a Bound Crafter or Bound Spirit Walker. In the end she become a Bound Crafter. This decision actually helps her because she starts gaining first hand knowledge about how boats are built and weapons are built etc. Eventually she breaks with the established rules, takes a boat and goes out to find her father and brother joins her. They do find her dad but also discover that there is a whole world outside of their small island chain.