Looking for Opinions on Some Invented Creatures

[Mindfire]

Just wanted to get some opinions on the creatures I've come up with for my WIP- 25 so far. Please give them a look and tell me what you think. I've included each creatures name, a brief description, and some examples of real world animals or mythical creatures that inspired each entry with links for the ones you may not be familiar with. Creatures with nicknames have them shown alongside their official names in quotes and parentheses. For convenience, I have sorted them into smaller groups by range and habitat and included a map for reference. All of these are enclosed in spoiler tags to make this post less intimidating. I'm eager to know what you guys think.

Spoiler: Map of the World

Click Image for Higher Resolution.​

http://goo.gl/QADgs

Spoiler: Creatures of the Far North

Ashepri
Description: An amphibious dragon with a coat of dappled grey and white waterproof feathers, a venomous harpoon-like projectile tongue, expanding jaws, and needle-like teeth that inhabits the Crystal Sea and parts of the Glacier Ridge. It is a distant relative of the duneviper and extinct Vardican dragon.
Inspirations: penguin, sea serpent, cone snail

Snowfox
Description: A cunning, solitary animal native to the mountains bordering the Crystal Sea. It can communicate telepathically through images and emotions and exert control over lesser elementals. It is a distant relative of the Direwolf.
Inspirations: arctic fox

Ursine
Description: An enormous, burly predator that in most things greatly resembles its smaller cousin the mountain bear, but is armed with much larger claws and large tusks. The brown ursine can range from the Medved Mountains to the eastern reaches of the Beorgian Wildermarch, while the white ursine inhabits the Glacier Ridge Mountains. The ursine is an opportunistic predator, omnivore, and scavenger. They have been known to steal carcasses from ashepri on occasion.
Inspirations: polar bear, grizzly bear

Spoiler: Creatures of the Seas

Devonian
Description: A colossal mollusk with an impenetrable shell, several large tentacles, hooked talons, and powerful jaws that lives in the Vardican Sea and Thalas Ocean. Mawfish are its primary prey, but it has been known to destroy entire ships for a meal.
Inspirations: the krakken, colossal squid, nautilus

Mawfish
Description: A massive armor-plated fish with spiny fins and a bone-crushing beak.
Inspirations: dunkleosteus, coelocanth, great white shark

Sea Scorpion
Description: A marine predator and distant relative of the trylobite that ranges from the Temeth Sea to the marshes of Urthrak. It preys mainly on fish.
Inspirations: euryptids

Spoiler: Creatures of the Mavari Desert and Savannah

Duneviper
Description: A giant serpent that inhabits the Mavari desert, largely an ambush predator. It has enormous needle-point fangs that it uses to impale its prey. It draws its name from the fact that large members of this species have been mistaken for actual dunes as they lie in wait under the sand.
Inspirations: cobra, sidewinder

Gargon
Description: A large, vicious predator with a stocky physique, legs that are fairly short proportional to its body, and an elongated head with crushing, vicelike jaws equipped with razor-sharp teeth. It somewhat resembles a reptilian tiger and is a distant relative of the Quillin. It roams the Mavari desert and savannah in packs that have been known to bring down even dunevipers on occasion. Its mouth harbors bacteria that rapidly infect its prey upon biting, guaranteeing a kill.
Inspirations: gorgonops, pristerognathus, komodo dragon

Handak ("dust devil")
Description: A small, ferret-like creature with a runty body and a round head armed with a strong beak and prominent tusks. The handak inhabits the Mavari desert and savannah, living in small underground colonies clustered around a food source. They are extremely territorial and will attack without provocation. They compete viciously for food within colonies, but will warn each other if danger is spotted.
Inspirations: diictodon, meerkats, scottish terrier

Kindrake
Description: A lumbering cow-like reptile with a hulking, barrel-chested body, a short tail, thick shoulders, stumpy legs, and a proportionally small head protected by a bony plate. This herbivorous gentle giant roams from the savannah to the westernmost edges of the Elyssian Delta and is often prey to the gargon. The kindrake has historically been used by the Mavarians as a beast of burden.
Inspirations: scutosaurus

Madrigan Horse ("camelhorse")
Description: A unique and beautiful breed of horses indigenous to the Mavari desert and grasslands that can go an extraordinary length of time without the need for water.
Inspirations: Arabian

Scarab
Description: A giant beetle that lives in the Mavari desert. It has incredibly strong mandibles, a tough armored shell, and the ability to recover from nearly any injury.
Inspirations: scarab beetle

Trylobite
Description: A large marine arthropod with poisonous jaws that often beaches on Mavarian shores.
Inspirations: trilobite

Spoiler: Creatures of Nendwa Forest

Borill
Description: A large, very temperamental and dangerous bird with a brightly colored beak that inhabits Nendwa Forest.
Inspirations: toucan, cassowary

Direwolf
Description: A large, sentient, and highly intelligent breed of wolf native to Nendwa forest. They have a pact of friendship and brotherhood with the Mako people.
Inspirations: dire wolf

Hyloth
Description: A distant cousin to the sloth with a hulking bear-like body, long limbs, a stout tail, and massive claws that can cleave a man in two with a single swipe.
Inspirations: giant sloth

Malfrog
Description: A small, but dangerous frog with poison-coated skin that is usually fatal. It can be found both in the deeper reaches of Nendwa Forest and in Urswamp.
Inspirations: poison dart frog

Quillin
Description: A tiger-like animal with iridescent scales and swept-back antlers. They are elusive, cunning, and adept at stealth, able to appear and vanish at will. Distant relative of the gargon.
Inspirations: qilin, tiger, chesire cat

Smilodon
Description: A breed of large jungle cat distinguished by their stocky body, vicious temperament, and extremely large canine teeth.
Inspirations: saber-tooth cat

Spoiler: Creatures of Urthrak- Swamps, Marshes, and Scrublands

Basilisk ("sailback")
Description: A large predatory lizard, named for the ribbed sail that adorns its back, that inhabits the marshes and scrublands of Urthrak.
Inspirations: dimetrodon

Creeper
Description: A giant, centipede-like creature that inhabits the Urswamp. It has a tough armor-plated shell that comes in muted tones of red, brown, green, and black along with powerful pincers that can deliver a crushing and venomous bite. Its diet is omnivorous. The Mist harvest its armor to use as their own.
Inspirations: arthropleura

Lurker
Description: An giant amphibian predator of Urswamp with a streamlined body, powerful tail, and gaping jaws. Its mucous-slick skin can range from muted tones to a sickly white color. Its main source of food is fish, but it will snatch whatever comes to the water's edge.
Inspirations: loxomma, eogyrinus

Salamander
Description: A large amphibian of Urswamp with brightly colored skin thickly coated in toxic mucous. It has the ability to spit burning, acidic poison that is almost always fatal and is extremely dangerous. Relative of the lurker.
Inspirations: salamander

Btw, the Temeth Sea is the body of water that lies between the mainland and the two off-lands: Haldor and Urthrak. You don't get to the Falden Ocean proper until you go beyond those two. It's not labeled because that version of the map is a couple days out of date.

 

[Jabrosky]

I really do like that you've used prehistoric animals as inspiration for some of your creatures. I like to do that too.

 

[Queshire]

seems good, though I admit I just skimmed over it. I suggest thinking about how each of this creatures interact with each other as well as interacting with humans or whatever your veiw point race is.

 

[ThinkerX]

I like what I see.

I do note, though, that most of these creatures fall into the 'extremely dangerous' catagory.

How about some unusual beasties that are merely annoying, or possibly even worth domesticating?

 

[Mindfire]

I like what I see.

I do note, though, that most of these creatures fall into the 'extremely dangerous' catagory.

How about some unusual beasties that are merely annoying, or possibly even worth domesticating?

I'll definitely give that some thought. I already have one or two that fall into that category: horses and kindrakes specifically. I also have a few kinds of deer and goats, I just didn't include them because they are noticeably different from the real world versions.

 

[JBryden88]

I like it enough that you may have just inspired me to think beyond regular wildlife

 

[Devor]

Ursine - Try a wolverine base instead, as they're just as fierce as bears, tough in the cold, and don't hibernate.
Snowfox - If you're giving the creature magical powers, it needs a more distinct name.

Most of them seem fine.

 

[edd]

pictures are worth a thousand words but i like it over all
may be add something about what they eat,how long they live would be nice

 

[Ailith]

These sound amazing. I'd really like to see sketches of some of them... especially the Ashepri and the Quillin. It seems like you've really done your research and can give readers a clear picture of the creatures, which I think is a must if you invent your own creatures.

How do you plan to use them in the story? Does the character encounter them on a journey? It seems like a lot of creatures to introduce, so I'm just curious as to the part they will play.

 

[Mindfire]

Ursine - Try a wolverine base instead, as they're just as fierce as bears, tough in the cold, and don't hibernate.
Snowfox - If you're giving the creature magical powers, it needs a more distinct name.

Most of them seem fine.

Wolverine base... I like it! I'll add that to the notes. As for the snowfox, I see your point. Whenever I invent names I strive to make them fairly simple and easy to remember. But "snowfox" could use a bit of spice. I'll give it some thought.

pictures are worth a thousand words but i like it over all
may be add something about what they eat,how long they live would be nice

Thanks! I'm not an amazing artist and haven't drawn in forever, but once I get some free time I'll try my hand at sketching again. I'll add details about diet and lifespan to my notes also.

These sound amazing. I'd really like to see sketches of some of them... especially the Ashepri and the Quillin. It seems like you've really done your research and can give readers a clear picture of the creatures, which I think is a must if you invent your own creatures.

How do you plan to use them in the story? Does the character encounter them on a journey? It seems like a lot of creatures to introduce, so I'm just curious as to the part they will play.

Thanks Ailith! As I said, I'll come up with sketches once I have more free time. As for how they factor into the plot, they have varying roles. Some of them, like the kindrake and the Madrigan Horse, are "extras" in a way. They serve mostly to inform on the setting and the culture that surrounds and has domesticated them. Others, like the ashepri, snowfox, hyloth, and mawfish show up at key plot elements throughout the series I'm plotting. And a few, like the direwolf and smilodon are at the very heart of the plot for the book I'm currently writing!

To be more specific: one of my supporting characters is attacked by a juvenile ashepri when he goes north looking to capture water elementals. My main character comes from a culture that has a special connection with the direwolves and that relationship factors into the plot.

 

[DavidJae]

Very impressive, it's clear that a lot of energy and passion has gone into this, so you should be proud. The descriptions are detailed and help to build a picture of your world, adding a richness to your narrative. I feel I should mention that Direwolves have been a large plot point in Game of Thrones, so you may wish to rethink the name. Otherwise, an excellent document

 

[Queshire]

dire-whatevers have been around for a long time. Ever since D&D came out at least, though I'm sure they just ripped it from somewhere else in time. Most of the time, they are simply huge-ass versions of normal animals.

 

[JBryden88]

Wolves and bears, dire or not dire have always been around in some sort of fantasy or historical symbolism. I'm not sure if I read that somewhere, I but I believe I read something about how in myth and such the wolf and bear have some sort of ancient rivalry - the idea being the wolf is cunning and sneaky, the bear is noble and gallant. Either way, I wouldn't worry about the fact it's been done before, just so long as say, you use direwolves in a creative way.

Game of Thrones being popular will obviously draw comparisons,

Spoiler: warning spoilers

but as long as you don't have a bunch of children who have wolf dreams and "become" their wolves, I think you're fine.

 

[SeverinR]

Malfrog- like your inspiration, the natives in the area would probably harvest the poison or even just wipe a blade with the poison. Nature tends to color brightly those that have deadly poison, as a warning to other animals.

Might want to note aggresiveness of each animal.
Highly poisonous creatures tend to be passive, other wise they would kill everything in sight.

 

[Mindfire]

Very impressive, it's clear that a lot of energy and passion has gone into this, so you should be proud. The descriptions are detailed and help to build a picture of your world, adding a richness to your narrative. I feel I should mention that Direwolves have been a large plot point in Game of Thrones, so you may wish to rethink the name. Otherwise, an excellent document

dire-whatevers have been around for a long time. Ever since D&D came out at least, though I'm sure they just ripped it from somewhere else in time. Most of the time, they are simply huge-ass versions of normal animals.

Wolves and bears, dire or not dire have always been around in some sort of fantasy or historical symbolism. I'm not sure if I read that somewhere, I but I believe I read something about how in myth and such the wolf and bear have some sort of ancient rivalry - the idea being the wolf is cunning and sneaky, the bear is noble and gallant. Either way, I wouldn't worry about the fact it's been done before, just so long as say, you use direwolves in a creative way.

Game of Thrones being popular will obviously draw comparisons,

Spoiler: warning spoilers

but as long as you don't have a bunch of children who have wolf dreams and "become" their wolves, I think you're fine.

Just to dispel all doubts, I changed the name to direwolves before I found out about their role in Game of Thrones/ASOIAF. I saw a NatGeo documentary (or was it History channel) about the REAL direwolves and thought it was awesome, so I changed the name (they were called timberwolves before). Heck, I don't even know what they DO in ASOIAF. Haven't read the books. But from what I can gather, my direwolves are quite different in many ways, not the least of which is that they have human-level intelligence and magical powers.

 

[JBryden88]

What magic powers do your direwolves have? That's probably the most important question you may need to answer in order to say, differentiate yourself. Are they telepathic, are they symbiotic with certain humans, or do they have something else going on?

 

[Mindfire]

What magic powers do your direwolves have? That's probably the most important question you may need to answer in order to say, differentiate yourself. Are they telepathic, are they symbiotic with certain humans, or do they have something else going on?

Direwolves are complex creatures. They're not telepathic, only their northern relatives- the snowfoxes, have that ability. They communicate, much like normal wolves, through sounds and body language. As for them being symbiotic... sort of. They do form strong bonds with certain members of the Mako people. And by "strong bond" I mean the bond between two lifelong friends, not the "dragon & rider" type of thing. I wanted to avoid that.

As for their powers, they have an advanced version of the magic that's available to the Mako. Like the Mako, they fuel it largely through a mystic connection with their native habitat through the Source Tree, which is a symbol of the Creator's presence on earth (it's like the Ark of the Covenant, except its a tree). Unlike the Mako, their powers have greater range and variety. A direwolf's abilities are linked to their personality and no two have the exact same power set. Often the color of their fur and eyes will also correlate with their personality.

More specifically, I have direwolves that can:
-appear and disappear at will, like smoke
-mezmerize enemies with her gaze
-intimidate enemies with illusions

Those are three different wolves btw.

 

[Queshire]

That's a whole lot more powerful then most dire-whatevers. I think when people hear direwolves they just imagine bigger badder versions of normal wolves. I suggest giving them a more mystical sounding name to go with their mystical powers.

 

[Mindfire]

That's a whole lot more powerful then most dire-whatevers. I think when people hear direwolves they just imagine bigger badder versions of normal wolves. I suggest giving them a more mystical sounding name to go with their mystical powers.

If I do that I run into the same issue I do with the snowfoxes: calling a rabbit a smeerp. When it comes to naming things, less is more I think. I don't want the reader to get lost trying to remember everything. All important locations are noted on my map, so if the reader forgets where Antonia is, they can just check and refresh their memory. For creatures I invented, or for creatures based on prehistoric animals whose scientific names are too awkward to use, I can justify inventing a new word for the reader to remember. But when an animal is (physically) almost identical to a real-world animal, I think it makes sense to indicate that in the name so the reader will have something to connect it to, which makes it easier to remember. Thus: snowfox, duneviper, malfrog, and direwolf.

 

[Queshire]

Yeah, but direwolves are established monsters. People have an image in their head about what direwolves are and what they can do. Giving them all those special magical powers is like giving an elf a war hammer.