I'd like some feedback on a detail I began pondering. Please consider the following section:
What I'm wondering here is if the last sentence works for you or if it's just confusing/messy?
The word eventually is usually associated with something that happens after a period of time has passed. It implies waiting; it's a slow word.
Contrast that with mere moments later, which is a fast sequence.
What I'm going for is that for Enar it feels like a lot of time is passing, when it really isn't.
Another way of writing it might be "After a moment that felt like an eternity..." but that doesn't really fit with how I'm expressing myself in the rest of the story.
Do you have any other suggestions or thoughts?
Amanda giggled. “You'd make a great secret agent Enar. I could never believe you were a cop.”
“Thanks...” Enar frowned. “I think.”
She patted him on the shoulder. “Relax. I'm just messing with you.”
Smiling, Amanda snatched the last bit of the sandwich from his hand, turned around, and continued up the path. Enar just stood there, staring after her, with his empty hand forgotten halfway to his mouth.
Eventually —- mere moments later —- he shrugged and hurried after her.
What I'm wondering here is if the last sentence works for you or if it's just confusing/messy?
The word eventually is usually associated with something that happens after a period of time has passed. It implies waiting; it's a slow word.
Contrast that with mere moments later, which is a fast sequence.
What I'm going for is that for Enar it feels like a lot of time is passing, when it really isn't.
Another way of writing it might be "After a moment that felt like an eternity..." but that doesn't really fit with how I'm expressing myself in the rest of the story.
Do you have any other suggestions or thoughts?