Kevlar
Troubadour
I've come to a bit of impasse. The more I analyze it the more I doubt the beginning I've created. It's only the first chapter or two I'm concerned with; the rest I'm happy with on the conceptual level. I'm going to explain my beginning last, first explaining the most important main character for this novel.
His name is Talinos Greyfell. The history behind the importance of his surname is complex and 1300 years old, so I won't go deeply into it; instead I'll simply say that they were once lords of the kings of the house Aressi. about 300 years ago that kingdom and those surrounding it were wiped out to form the modern kingdom of Felesia. Instead of submit to the young conqueror Marik, many of the people of the kingdom of Dwimoran -from commoners to high lords and the king's family - fled into the forest north of their kingdom and integrated into the nomadic tribes native there.
Eventually Talinos' grandfather decided to leave the forest and his clan. He had a bastard son with the wife of a high lord and then later had anther son with a woman he fell in love with, this son being Talinos' father Taliesin. Taliesin became a wanderer and often a mercenary. Eventually the law of the kingdom found out about his parents and hanged them while he was away. Taliesin moved to the forest and started a family that wandered apart from any clan. He had a daughter, and then five years later his son Talinos.
Talinos does become an orphan, though I'm trying to deconstruct how convenient that is in so many works (see any Final Fantasy game for a good example). When Talinos is seven Lord Ewan Watchell of Denlock is informed of the family and leads a raiding party to find them. I purposely make the orphaning more brutal than the usual to add to my deconstruction. Taliesin notices the raiders coming and orders his family to hide, blowing an alert on his horn and pulling out his sword. As soon as the raiders come in he is quickly overwhelmed and cut down. Talinos' mother and twelve year old sister didn't hide fast or well enough and are easily found, dragged out, raped, and murdered as Talinos watches frozen in fear (he's seven, after all). [[Just a note: I have a hard time writing about a twelve year old getting raped, but taking it out is not an option for the story I want to tell or the character I want Talinos to be.]]
Unbeknownst to the raiders the family was camped a short way from a nomad clan. Taliesin's horn call brings them in and they wipe out the small raiding party with no losses, though a couple of raiders escape. In that commotion Talinos' anger drives him to rush up to the distracted Lord Ewan and stab him to death with a hunting knife, orphaning another main character and his siblings in the process.This whole event understandably leaves him with PTSD.
The clan is the one which the heirs of the house Aressi, the old kings of Dwimoran, belong. Talinos is taken in as the smith's apprentice. The main Aressi line has come down to a girl and a boy and their mother, who married into the family. The girl, Ferryn, befriend's Talinos. Talinos becomes friend with a boy named Casos. Through the two of them he befriends the boy Aressi, Feliedron, as well. The majority of the clan takes a disliking to him until he begins to learn to hide or control the symptoms of his PTSD to some degree. They eventually don't care much about him either way. The only one that really still hates him by the time of my novel's start is the Aressi kids' mother.
If you read through that thanks, the rest should go by quicker.
Basically what I need to happen is get Talinos out of the forest so that the story can commence (his tie to Feliedron is what will allow a civil war to occur). He needs to stay out of the forest until autumn and the story begins in spring.
The way it currently stands I have Talinos (now 17), Feliedron, and Casos out hunting when they come across the body of a thief who was on the run after stealing from Breyolin Clouse, a friend and servant of the king. It's very cold (think Scandinavia or northern Canada) and Casos and Feliedron would rather leave it alone, but Talinos wants to investigate. Long story short he runs into Breyolin, his men, and their local scout. Breyolin attacks because he hates the 'barbarians' and Talinos manages to evade them for a while and kill a few of the men but before he can get away is captured. Breyolin's about to kill him and notices the Greyfell coat-of-arms on a necklace so spares him and takes him captive. Talinos eventually escapes, killing Breyolin in the process, and then stumbles through a blizzard into the village of Denlock. This ends the part I'm unsure of, as from there on the rest is plot important. Circumstances force Talinos to go to a city southward, and instead of come back he stays there.
Here are my problems with the above: to me it seems too contrived, too impersonal, and all around falls flat in logic at some points. I can justify that the men chased the thief into the poor weather by saying it started just a tiny bit ago, but I it still seems very contrived. Another thing is that while Talinos deciding to stay in the city may make sense in that he doesn't view anything as home and doesn't feel welcome in the clan it does seem off to me.
One alternative I've come up with is Talinos deciding to simply leave, instead of being forced. In order to make this more personal I'd have Ferryn catch him in the act and have a conversation with some characterization occur. It would provide better insight to Talinos' character, Ferryn's character, and Talinos' relationship with the clan. A conversation would also better facilitate exposition.
My only concern for that is these: Most importantly is why Talinos would head to Denlock. He has PTSD regarding his orphaning, and I would imagine Denlock would trigger some symptoms. Being forced there is one thing, deciding to go is another. Secondly, and less importantly, was that killing Breyolin made a conection between Talinos and the character of Lord Dinnan Clouse that will be impossible to replicate otherwise. I'm sure I can figure out another way to work him in, but the circumstances were a big part of the reason Dinnan was able to accept Talinos killing his brother.
I'm just hoping to get some input, or some suggestions. In the meantime I'll be working on something that will satisfy me. Thanks in advance, and sorry for the army of words you just read.
His name is Talinos Greyfell. The history behind the importance of his surname is complex and 1300 years old, so I won't go deeply into it; instead I'll simply say that they were once lords of the kings of the house Aressi. about 300 years ago that kingdom and those surrounding it were wiped out to form the modern kingdom of Felesia. Instead of submit to the young conqueror Marik, many of the people of the kingdom of Dwimoran -from commoners to high lords and the king's family - fled into the forest north of their kingdom and integrated into the nomadic tribes native there.
Eventually Talinos' grandfather decided to leave the forest and his clan. He had a bastard son with the wife of a high lord and then later had anther son with a woman he fell in love with, this son being Talinos' father Taliesin. Taliesin became a wanderer and often a mercenary. Eventually the law of the kingdom found out about his parents and hanged them while he was away. Taliesin moved to the forest and started a family that wandered apart from any clan. He had a daughter, and then five years later his son Talinos.
Talinos does become an orphan, though I'm trying to deconstruct how convenient that is in so many works (see any Final Fantasy game for a good example). When Talinos is seven Lord Ewan Watchell of Denlock is informed of the family and leads a raiding party to find them. I purposely make the orphaning more brutal than the usual to add to my deconstruction. Taliesin notices the raiders coming and orders his family to hide, blowing an alert on his horn and pulling out his sword. As soon as the raiders come in he is quickly overwhelmed and cut down. Talinos' mother and twelve year old sister didn't hide fast or well enough and are easily found, dragged out, raped, and murdered as Talinos watches frozen in fear (he's seven, after all). [[Just a note: I have a hard time writing about a twelve year old getting raped, but taking it out is not an option for the story I want to tell or the character I want Talinos to be.]]
Unbeknownst to the raiders the family was camped a short way from a nomad clan. Taliesin's horn call brings them in and they wipe out the small raiding party with no losses, though a couple of raiders escape. In that commotion Talinos' anger drives him to rush up to the distracted Lord Ewan and stab him to death with a hunting knife, orphaning another main character and his siblings in the process.This whole event understandably leaves him with PTSD.
The clan is the one which the heirs of the house Aressi, the old kings of Dwimoran, belong. Talinos is taken in as the smith's apprentice. The main Aressi line has come down to a girl and a boy and their mother, who married into the family. The girl, Ferryn, befriend's Talinos. Talinos becomes friend with a boy named Casos. Through the two of them he befriends the boy Aressi, Feliedron, as well. The majority of the clan takes a disliking to him until he begins to learn to hide or control the symptoms of his PTSD to some degree. They eventually don't care much about him either way. The only one that really still hates him by the time of my novel's start is the Aressi kids' mother.
If you read through that thanks, the rest should go by quicker.
Basically what I need to happen is get Talinos out of the forest so that the story can commence (his tie to Feliedron is what will allow a civil war to occur). He needs to stay out of the forest until autumn and the story begins in spring.
The way it currently stands I have Talinos (now 17), Feliedron, and Casos out hunting when they come across the body of a thief who was on the run after stealing from Breyolin Clouse, a friend and servant of the king. It's very cold (think Scandinavia or northern Canada) and Casos and Feliedron would rather leave it alone, but Talinos wants to investigate. Long story short he runs into Breyolin, his men, and their local scout. Breyolin attacks because he hates the 'barbarians' and Talinos manages to evade them for a while and kill a few of the men but before he can get away is captured. Breyolin's about to kill him and notices the Greyfell coat-of-arms on a necklace so spares him and takes him captive. Talinos eventually escapes, killing Breyolin in the process, and then stumbles through a blizzard into the village of Denlock. This ends the part I'm unsure of, as from there on the rest is plot important. Circumstances force Talinos to go to a city southward, and instead of come back he stays there.
Here are my problems with the above: to me it seems too contrived, too impersonal, and all around falls flat in logic at some points. I can justify that the men chased the thief into the poor weather by saying it started just a tiny bit ago, but I it still seems very contrived. Another thing is that while Talinos deciding to stay in the city may make sense in that he doesn't view anything as home and doesn't feel welcome in the clan it does seem off to me.
One alternative I've come up with is Talinos deciding to simply leave, instead of being forced. In order to make this more personal I'd have Ferryn catch him in the act and have a conversation with some characterization occur. It would provide better insight to Talinos' character, Ferryn's character, and Talinos' relationship with the clan. A conversation would also better facilitate exposition.
My only concern for that is these: Most importantly is why Talinos would head to Denlock. He has PTSD regarding his orphaning, and I would imagine Denlock would trigger some symptoms. Being forced there is one thing, deciding to go is another. Secondly, and less importantly, was that killing Breyolin made a conection between Talinos and the character of Lord Dinnan Clouse that will be impossible to replicate otherwise. I'm sure I can figure out another way to work him in, but the circumstances were a big part of the reason Dinnan was able to accept Talinos killing his brother.
I'm just hoping to get some input, or some suggestions. In the meantime I'll be working on something that will satisfy me. Thanks in advance, and sorry for the army of words you just read.