My Mom Likes My Book...

[Caged Maiden]

Hi Scribes!

So, I sent my mother the first two chapters of my book I'm rewriting. I was really nervous. Firstly, because the book is stuffed full of questionably tasteful content. Prostitutes, drugs, a poker game, debauchery in every form. And that's just chapter one. And the language is stuff I don't say in real life, and I've got something of a colorful vocabulary in that way...

I've been writing since 2001, and I didn't even TELL my family that I wrote at all, until 2013. Only my mom new. And I basically had to tell her because I made a Facebook author page...and I mean, she's not dumb...so it was tell her about it and ask her to like the page, or try to keep it a secret like the guinea pig I kept in my closet for three days because she said I couldn't have it.

Anyways, so I have talked to her a little about writing and why I do it and stuff, but it was all sort of surface stuff. I didn't get into the specifics, like I do with my writer friends. But she commented once on a Facebook post, where I quoted part of a scene, and she said she loved it, and that my passage felt like it was a "real book". I smiled. "Yeah, Mom," I said. "That's my goal. I'm a real writer...been doing it a long time."

So after a couple conversations, we somehow established that she'd like to have a look at something.

Whoa. OMG. What to send?!?!?

Do I send her something cute and light-hearted? I have a couple shorts that fit the bill.

Do I send a psychological sort of story, set in the real world? I mean, just so it isn't an investment of her time, having to learn a fantasy setting?

I didn't know what to do. I sent her a grab bag of short stories, I believe. Sort of one from each category. Cute, clever, weird, and funny.

I asked if she wanted to read a novel, though, and she said that a novel interested her much more than short stories (which she still hasn't read). Well, okay, then.

I sent her the opening of my novel with the coarse language...and I only warned her about it like twice, once privately, and once publicly, on Facebook. HA!

Have any of you folks showed your work to you parents?

What did they say? Were they supportive? Did they give critique at all?

Well, i didn't know what to expect, but I'd already apologized in advance for the use of the c-word and some other stuff I felt wasn't mom-impressing. And I just sent it. F*** it, right? I'm 35...my mom's 55...we're beyond keeping secrets. In fact, it was a really revealing and honest conversation that began this whole thing. We had a phone call where we really tore some bandaids off old wounds, things from 20 years ago. And it was GOOD.

Anyways, so I sent her my first chapter, which comes in at 12k words (broken into 5 parts) and she emailed me at 8:30 pm to tell me she was beginning the reading. I wished her luck, apologized again for the foul language and sexual content, and told her not to rush, because she's a "slow reader".

Well, she emailed me back at 11:30 to tell me how much she enjoyed the chapter. And I was like, "Um...did you...finish it already? Wait. Did the thing I sent you have five parts? It should have five parts. Maybe I sent just part of it."

HA! Nope. She finished all 12k words in three hours and said she just couldn't put it down.

Wow. Thanks, mom. That made me feel warm and fuzzy. You know, after the confusion wore off.

So I just sent her the second chapter, another 10k words, and here was what she said:

Loved it! I can't wait to hear more about her magical talent. It reads well. This book is definitely holding my interest. Yes, I read this section tonight. When I get started I don't want to quit. I keep wanting to find out more.....what is going to happen next. I think you have a winner!
Mom

I'm just so touched. I never expected to show my work to my mom, let alone have her actually enjoy it. This has been a very special week for me, because just a few months ago, I was ready to throw in the towel and abandon all hope of ever getting my shit together and actually writing something good. Right now, I have a hugely supportive crit group that pushes me and holds me to the highest standard, and friends here who share this journey (for richer or poorer, on good days and on bad, HA!), and my mom is now a fan. And my husband is just the most supportive person in the world, and he believes in me when I never believe in myself.

This experience has been so much better than I ever hoped for. In a way, I'm sad I was too scared to share this part of my life with my mother before. I was terrified. In fact...I don't think I could EVER tell my dad I write. I mean, it was his bookshelf that inspired my love of reading fantasy. He bought all those books that made me laugh and cry and feel. He's a super intense reader, and I'm sure he'd HATE everything about my writing. But at least Mom is entertained. That's a huge victory for me, and it's boosted my confidence so much.

Thanks for letting me share this really weird experience with you all. I'd love to hear about how you shared your work with your parents or spouse. And if you haven't, what are you waiting for?

Best wishes, all. Keep being you, because when you do, people notice.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

First of all, I'm happy for you that your mom likes your stories! It must be an awesome feeling.
In answer to your question, my family knows I write and they're hugely supportive, but, I know my mom's taste in books doesn't perfectly align with the stuff I write. She doesn't like the violence and torture, she doesn't like the darkness. And that's ok, of course, people have different things they like and are comfortable with, but when it's your mom you kinda want her to like everything you write. Because, well, it's part of who you are.
My friends...I should talk about my friends, since this is a more conflict-filled story. Everyone I know, practically, has heard me talk about my book, but not many know what it's about (I have a perfect elevator pitch, but whenever I get the chance to use it I freeze up and say something like "it's fantasy...it has dragons." Lots of my friends love my writing. It's tough though, because they want me to just get the book done already!
I have one friend, though, who said she was bored with me talking about my book (ouch) and doesn't want to read it (ouch.) Again, totally different tastes in books. And again, it's hard because you want people you love and who love you to love everything you write...but people like different things.
I've never written anything with the kind of content you're talking about, my mom wouldn't like that, haha! The naughtiest thing I've ever written was a steamy make-out scene. I was very pleased with it until I imagined my guy friends reading it. O_O

 

[Caged Maiden]

Yeah...Mom hasn't gotten to the actual sex scenes yet...but I think I'm over it. I mean, if she liked the beginning, with all the lewdness I used to make my introduction to my MC (a crime boss' mistress), I don't think a sex scene will be the deal breaker. HA!

You know what was the hardest for me? It wasn't the sex or violence that I didn't want to share with the people I love, because like I mentioned, I'm 35, have four kids, have talked to my mom as a woman about relationships, sex, etc. but for me, the hardest thing to come to grips with, was the emotions. Like, in one book, I have a woman who goes on a journey with her brother...only the brother isn't just her brother, but her son, fathered by her own father, who abused her for years when she was a teenager. After the son was born, she thought her father would leave her alone, but he didn't, so she killed him. It comes out halfway through the book, when the man she's in love with discovers her secret. See, I like the relationship the woman has with her son. She despises him in a way because she feels he's the thing standing in the way of her happiness. Her grandfather, who cares for them now, has told her that she won't find a man who will adopt the boy (who's 12), so she's going to live alone forever. Really, that's just his way of "keeping her safe" by sending suitors packing, but to the MC, it's a lonely and horrible existence, and she breaks down after her son is kidnapped late in the story, and confesses to her friend that she's spent the last ten years hating the child that she loved more than anything when he was born.

I write a lot of stories about different facets of the human condition. I like to explore complicated situations and complex emotions. I always worried that by exposing my writing, I might be evaluated in some way, as if the stories had some relevancy to my own life. But that simply isn't true. I don't have daddy issues. I don't despise my mother, like one of my other MC's. I don't manipulate my husband like another. My stories aren't therapy for my own personal issues, but made up works of complete fiction. And while I've dealt with some really heavy subjects over the course of a dozen novels, none of it is me. I don't own any of the situations or circumstances, I just told stories. And I was afraid that by sharing the stories with my family, they'd think I was a freak or feeling like a victim, or blowing something real out of proportion, or maybe even complaining about my life, or something.

Yeah, I was afraid of a lot of things. But my mom (before I showed her my work) said that writers create fiction and use their own emotions as sort of sounding boards for how their characters react. And that was when I knew I could trust her to not judge me based on some of the shitty things my characters do. HA!

 

[Russ]

Family is a big deal and has a huge influence on us throughout our lives. I am very pleased that this went so well for you.

 

[skip.knox]

Sounds like how I feel, Caged Maiden. I get uneasy having my mother read even simple romantic scenes, no sex, and I'm 64 and she's 85. Go figure. Strictly non-rational. Congratulations on pushing through, and on the good review. Some reviews count more than others!

 

[Heliotrope]

^^^ Skips post is awesome. Isn't it weird how we feel about our moms? Like we have to protect them or something? Like they couldn't possibly handle the stuff going on in our brains, even when they are 85? I find this hilarous in it's truth.

Yeah, my mom has only read shorts, but mostly because I don't feel good enough yet to share anything with anyone except my trusted crit group lol.

 

[Ireth]

My mom hasn't read much of my stuff, but she actually provided the MC and setting for one of my WIPs: "You should write a story about a Scottish vampire named Olan!" Much of that story has changed, but the name and setting are still the same. ^^

 

[ThinkerX]

My parents know that I write, though I have not shown them any of my stories.

Did give a few to my nephew, not quite his genre, but he liked them.

As to my mothers taste in such things...she reads the racier romance novels and is a big fan of the 'Hangover' movies.

 

[Caged Maiden]

HA! You can send her my book, in that case...LOL!!!

 

[Holoman]

I actually find myself holding back sometimes from being too sexual or depraved in my writing because I think "my mum's going to read this".

I don't particularly like much sex, bad language or depravity in fiction, but it does sort of feel like I'm handicapping myself.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

I actually find myself holding back sometimes from being too sexual or depraved in my writing because I think "my mum's going to read this".

I don't particularly like much sex, bad language or depravity in fiction, but it does sort of feel like I'm handicapping myself.

Hmm. I wonder why we don't worry this about our dads?!

 

[Chessie]

Caiged Maiden, I love this! I'm so glad that your Mama likes your book! My husband got curious one day and broke into my Google Docs account (I forgave him lol) and read one of my fantasy stories. Before he did that, he was rather unsupportive of my writing and it turning into a career in general. When he shared with me that he'd read one of my shorts and parts of a longer piece, he told me that he was actually surprised that I wrote so well and the story had interested him even though he doesn't like fantasy.

It was very touching and since then, he has been way more supportive and respectful of this crazy dream of mine. I even heard him bragging to my in-laws on the phone one day. Like, my eyes tear up just thinking about it.

 

[Caged Maiden]

So, to answer the question about dads...I think I mentioned I haven't even told my dad that I write. For me, it was a simple risk calculation. I made a Facebook author page, my mom is my Facebook friend, I knew she'd figure it out, so I told her I was a writer, and asked her to "like" my page. Then she got more interested in my work as she read my posts, until she eventually asked to read something. My dad isn't on Facebook. Problem solved. HA!

SO to differentiate my parents in a few simple ways, my mom reads fun fantasy novels like Piers Anthony's Xanth, and Robert Asprin's MYTH series. She's also pretty interested in history (I learned to costume from her when I was a teenager). She's pretty openminded and easygoing. My dad....well, we've never had a very honest sort of relationship. Like, we never really got to know each other. (I should say that my parents divorced when I was 20, so it wasn't like I grew up without him...we just never really had much to do with each other because we have the same personality type and it caused friction). But his were the books I read as a teen. Whenever I'd get bored or want to read, I'd go to his bookshelves, skip past all the war and history books, and grab something fantasy that looked interesting form the cover. I just don't think he'd EVER be interested in the kind of books I write. Where his shelves are full of Robert Jordan, Terry Brooks, and Tolkein, I'm much more of a hybrid between romance and fantasy. Every one of my books has a love story in it, and I focus heavily on the human condition, inserting greyscale morality, difficult familial relationships, and complicated intimate relationships. I just can't see him ever reading my books. But I've been wrong about people before, so this is more stemming from my own fears and feelings of inadequacy, than anything he's outright done to convey this to me. In fact, my dad, every time we talk on the phone, ends with telling me he loves me and is proud of me...two things I never heard growing up.

I was talking with a writer friend today about this exact subject, and he, too, has shared work with his mother but not his father, and for the same reasons (or fears) as I haven't. I am afraid that if I send my father a book, he'll either never get around to reading it (perhaps because he knows that by reading what he anticipates will be crap, that it would harm his image of me, maybe even disappoint him), or that he'll read it and then say something like, "It was interesting." And leave it at that. And then my feelings will be hurt, because that's just how I am with my parents...always wanting them to be proud of me, and always disappointing them.

See, my mom had nice things to say, and it isn't because she's my mom. I sent her one chapter and told her if it wasn't her taste level (you know, because of the foul language and sexual content), to let me know and I'd send her something else. But she asked for the next chapter and said she couldn't put it down! With my dad, I'd feel more like I was asking a favor of him and he'd just feel awkward about the whole arrangement. I'd rather have him choose to read my work, you know?

My plan is to let my mom read whatever she wants, as much as she asks for, because I'm no longer embarrassed by who I am as a writer and what subjects I choose for my fiction. But with my dad...well, I'll tell him one day that I'm a writer. It'll probably be when I have a book published and can hand him a paperback. And I'll say, "Hey, Dad, thanks for filling the house with fantasy books for me when I was young. I wrote my own book! Here it is!"

Yeah, that's the plan. Because once it's done, I won't be at risk of being hurt if he doesn't really care.

About my husband...he's never read any of my work. I've offered, and he's said he don'ts need to read it, he knows it's good. Really?!? What he has, though, is heard me read a short (published in the Iron Pen Anthology) to my kids, and he's listened to me orate my articles for the MS home page. And despite never hearing anything about my novels (because he doesn't read fiction), he's been a huge supporter, advising me to publish for years, when I didn't feel at all ready for it.

Yeah, I was a closet writer for a long time, never telling anyone who knew me in the past what I was doing. I did, however, meet new people, especially other writers, and was up front with them. But as far as all the folks I went to high school with, or family or family friends...the only ones who are in the know, are the ones who have liked my Facebook page and comment on my updates. Two aunts, a couple cousins, and Mom. And I'm good with that.

 

[Caged Maiden]

@ Chessie

Isn't it an amazing feeling when someone you love brags about you? I always feel like a weight dragging behind my husband. As a housewife and mom, I haven't had a job in 8 years, but I'm now beginning a real estate career, and I've always felt like I need to justify my time. I sew costumes, I paint and write. I play with kids. I do tedious day-to-day stuff. But I never felt proud of anything in my life. I never feel like I'm holding up my end of the bargain. But when one of his friends comes over to pick him up for golf or whatever, I'm surprised at how much they know about me before meeting me. They ask about my hobbies and stuff...which means he talks about me favorably behind my back. Awww....

And I've overheard him on the phone with his family, too (they live in England). He's taken the tablet (he uses it to Skype) around the house and showed them my paintings or my sewing projects. WHA? He's NEVER shown an interest in those things in my presence...but apparently he cares a little about it...enough to tell people what I'm up to.

It's very flattering.