Need some ideas for my story

[Kittie Brandybuck]

Hi there, i need some ideas for a story im writing. The concept is currently this:
In some time in the past or future, or maybe in a different world, every 15 years a monster comes (idk what he's called yet). This monster needs to eat something powerful before it goes back into hibernation, or it will destroy everything. That's where the star children come in.
Star children are children infused with magic from the sun, the moon and the stars. 22 are born every 15 years, right after the monster comes. (11 boys and 11 girls). Next time the monster comes, all 22 children are put in a random area of the wild. This can be a forest, a mountain, a desert, a jungle, or any other biome. In this biome a moonstone is hidden. The first child to find the moonstone and to bring it to the marked area where the contest begins is safe. But here's the catch: when the moonstone isn't at the safe place yet, any other contestant can take the moonstone. No other rules. All the children who lose and haven't died yet are sacrificied to the monster. The only exception to this rule is that if all losers are already dead, then the winner is sacrificied.
I only just created this idea, if you notice any mistakes or have any suggestions pls let me know!

 

[Kittie Brandybuck]

Update: I have tought up a name for the monster, it is now called The waker.
I have also decided to make this story into a trilogy. Here are the titles:
The legend of the Moonstone
The legend of the Waker
The legend of the Star children

 

[Kittie Brandybuck]

Update: I have tought up a name for the monster, it is now called The waker.
I have also decided to make this story into a trilogy. Here are the titles:
The legend of the Moonstone
The legend of the Waker
The legend of the Star children

Srry, i mispelled "thought"

 

[Let's Light Universe]

It's an interesting premise but it makes me think of hunger games. The titles are interesting enough. I would undoubtedly read this if you wrote it, but I do want to know more. I really like the idea so far.

 

[Kittie Brandybuck]

It's an interesting premise but it makes me think of hunger games. The titles are interesting enough. I would undoubtedly read this if you wrote it, but I do want to know more. I really like the idea so far.

Tysm! I have read the hunger games and I'm trying to make my story different. Do you have any tips? (I have only read book 1 so im not sure if my story is too similar).

 

[Let's Light Universe]

Well. I see the similarity in that the star children are placed randomly through the wilderness and pitted against one another. I really like the idea that all if the children could die off and then the winner would become the sacrifice. That part really sets it apart. There are no guarantees even for the winner. I would refine on the idea of how these 22 children are born. Are they born at random with magic? Does it run in family lines? Is it a sort of birthright? I think you could really set the world apart from hunger games with the lack of guarantee for the winner. It really is the one point that makes me think: Hey this is really unique. As for the monster. I would love to learn more about what wakes it, why it feeds on magic, and information about the like. I would start off by saying: it's not so terribly similar to anything I've read that you should be concerned about.

 

[Kittie Brandybuck]

Well. I see the similarity in that the star children are placed randomly through the wilderness and pitted against one another. I really like the idea that all if the children could die off and then the winner would become the sacrifice. That part really sets it apart. There are no guarantees even for the winner. I would refine on the idea of how these 22 children are born. Are they born at random with magic? Does it run in family lines? Is it a sort of birthright? I think you could really set the world apart from hunger games with the lack of guarantee for the winner. It really is the one point that makes me think: Hey this is really unique. As for the monster. I would love to learn more about what wakes it, why it feeds on magic, and information about the like. I would start off by saying: it's not so terribly similar to anything I've read that you should be concerned about.

Tysm! The way the Star children thing works is that 22 random children born the day after the monster awakens are infused with magic. The monster spends most of its life in hibernation, but it awakens on 21 june/the summer solstice every 15 years, mainly due to hunger. The reason it feeds on magic is because this is the only food it can eat. Thanks again for all your advice!

 

[Gwynndamere]

The timeframe of your story - will it be just one cycle of 15 years? How long does the monster stay awake for? If the children are born the day it awakens, they are too small and weak to play the game, so are the other 22 children that were born 15 years earlier playing the game when the monster awakens? What prevents the monster from finding and eating the newborn star children?

Is there some other way the star children can defeat the monster with the moonstones, other than being eaten by the monster? Does one, or more, of the star children decide not to play by the rules and goes after the monster directly?

I'm just trying to think of why they would fight, and sounds like kill, each other just to be safe, and not fight the monster. Especially if the "winner" can ultimately be sacrificed to the monter in the end. If the monster needs a great deal of power to satisfy it's hunger and go back into hybernation, I would think one star child would not be enough (If all of the others are dead and the winner alone is sacrificed).

Perhaps the challenge of the star children is to find the moonstones in time (overcoming their own obstables and challenges while doing so) and then bringing the moonstones to a designated spot in order to fight the monster and send it back into hybernation?

 

[WooHooMan]

You could go the Highlander approach and make this competition informal. Perhaps, the kids receive visions or instincts compelling them towards the moonstone and they fight each other for possession of it? Maybe while they are hunting for the moonstone, this monster is hunting them and the moonstone allows them to banish this creature and this saves themselves?

I would also recommend changing the rules to allow for more of a range in the ages. Maybe the 22 kids are born within 12 years of the monster’s last appearance and then there’s another 10 years before it shows up. That way, the kids’ age can range from 12 to 20. That can give you some more diversity among the cast while keeping them in the same general age range.

Also, in fantasy, the title formula of “the something of something” is really generic. Especially “the legend of whatever”. I feel like you can do better.
I’d recommend toying around with variations on the theme of waking and sleeping or maybe celestial bodies. Those symbols tend to resonant pretty strongly when put in titles.

 

[Saigonnus]

So it's kind of a lose-lose situation if the contests are particularly brutal, as they would be as more and more time passes. A child can have the moonstone, in it's "home" and still be sacrificed becasue everyone else is dead... how tragic.

What I wonder is how the children are chosen, or get their "Starchild" status? Are they born under a specific circumstance? Are they simply a genetic abberation? Is it something they are given through a ritual or something? There would have to be something specific to only get 22. I had the thought that if it is something "given" to them, then there could be a competition before the competition to determine that only the strongest children advance, that way, they will be prepared for the real competition, and you wouldn't have some random (and relatively weak) 12 year-old facing off against a stronger and more experienced 20 year-old (basically an adult). Perhaps your entire culture is based on training their children basically from birth to participate in these competitions in hopes they will be given the title of Starchild, which could include accolades or money.

 

[Prince of Spires]

Actually, a more interesting question is, why are the children put out into the wild in the first place? If it's a fact of life that these 22 children die and you know who they are at the start of it all, why go through the trouble of putting them out into the wild in the first place? Why not just accept that they will die and get on with your life?