Obsessed with finding a girlfriend

[Jabrosky]

Ever since I entered college, I have obsessed over finding a girlfriend. Alas, as an overweight social retard, I've had little success in attracting the girls I want. The women I ask out typically claim they are too busy with jobs or schoolwork or already have boyfriends. Furthermore, other people tell me that long-term relationships require a lot of talking and emotional drama before you get to the fun stuff, and I don't know if I have the patience for that.

Adding to the challenge is that there's a particular kind of girl I really want to date. She should have intelligence, compassion, and physical beauty. With regards to the last criterion, I strongly prefer slender, dark-skinned African/Afro-Diaspora women with natural hair (opposites attract). My mother keeps telling me that I place too much emphasis on looks when choosing who I want to date, but honestly I can't see myself having physical intimacy with a woman I didn't find physically attractive.

I don't know if I'll ever get a girlfriend. It may be theoretically possible to live a happy life single, but I don't want to die a virgin, and I could use an extra breadwinner in my household. What should I do?

 

[Benjamin Clayborne]

My advice? Don't be picky about appearance. All women look the same in the dark.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

Step 1. Get some confidence. Self deprecation is only sexy if it's the basis of humor. Confidence is always sexy.

Step 2. Lose the desperation. Nothing repels a woman faster than that desperate look in your eyes. You'll have more success when you're comfortable with who you are and with being single.

Step 3. Be realistic. The type of women you describe aren't on the prowl, looking for men they can support financially.

Step 4. Understand that flaws are okay. You have flaws right? Appreciate women for who they are. You expect them to overlook your shortcomings. Dig a little deeper than physical beauty. Be wise, a partner is an important decision... Maybe the most important.

 

[Codey Amprim]

Honestly, beggars can't be choosers. Can't be picky with women, just go with the flow. Obviously you're going to have some boundaries, but once you open up a bit, some of those things start to fade.

Don't think about the end result at first, just be yourself and don't give a crap. Be you so they know what they're looking at

 

[CupofJoe]

For me - and I am no "Playa" - the only way to get a girlfriend is to stop looking. the others post are dead on - desperation is obvious and a really mood killer...
Relax, have fun, meet people, be nice and someone will find you...
I like History so I go to a lecture series at a nearby college. There is social thing afterwards. You get to chat and discuss things with people and you know you have at least one thing in common with then when you start to talk.
Okay I am probably 20-30 years older than you and maybe a local history group won't work for you but there will be something that does... get to know people and the rest will follow eventually.

 

[Caged Maiden]

First of all, "I need sex," isn't what any girl wants to hear. I mean, don't we all, but no one would ever find that attractive.

This is actually disturbing to me to find here, because I don't think it is relevant.

I don't want to be mean to you, Jabrosky, you've been very open about your social awkwardness, but I think this post is a touch inappropriate for this sort of forum.

We all struggle through difficult things, and while I wouldn't personally be offended if you posted a sort of lonely hearts ad, the tone of desperation is really creepy.

I sincerely hope you find love, but I think this thread should be a clear indication tht you are not ready for that. A relationship takes a lot to maintain, and you need to carefully consider how your potential partner would feel about reading this.

 

[Reaver]

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