Play on Words/Language Quandry

[Russ]

So in the world I am writing in the people speak German.

Of course I am writing the book in English.

I am working on a scene where someone is accusing the main character's GF of being a witch. Now the MC doesn't believe in witches so would be non-plussed, but I wanted to have some fun with it where the MC gets upset because he mishears and thinks the other fellow says "B#$%H" (the word for a female dog).

Of course when I think about it, this just won't work in German (hexe/hundin don't sound enough alike).

So...do I do it anyways and hope the reader won't notice/care?

Or do I find some word in German that works for the word play and use it? (I use German words sparingly throughout the dialogue)

Or do I just forget the whole idea?

 

[BWFoster78]

Russ,

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my favorite television series ever.

In one particularly memorable episode, a main character is shown suffering a potentially mortal wound. The next scene shows two other characters in the rain with a funeral in the background, the implication being that the first character died. The very next scene was the character in the hospital!

I thought the trickery to be cool and funny and have a similar set of circumstances in my novel.

On one hand, though, the trickery is author intrusion of the worst kind. The reader, upon getting to the punchline (so to speak), will be torn from the story.

I'm still doing it, though, because I think it's freaking cool.

In one of the Twilight books (the second, I think), Meyer uses blank pages to indicate months passing with Bella being numb. It was a gimmick and definitely pulled the reader out of the story.

It was also, imo, really cool and memorable.

I think the following regarding your situation:

1. It's admirable that you're concerned with keeping your reader immersed in the story and minimizing author intrusion. In general, imo, these are great considerations.

2. Sometimes, imo, the "coolness" factor trumps immersion and lack of author intrusion.

3. Your decision comes down to: is the coolness factor worth the intrusion?

In answer to 3, I'd say that the coolness factor is pretty low, but so is the intrusion factor. I'd say, more tension (character getting upset) is probably a good thing. I'd go with it.

Hope this helps.

Brian

 

[Devor]

Have you ever read a poem that was translated from another language that still rhymed? They're out there. It's not at all unreasonable to think that the characters misheard something in German and a translator would recreate the episode with similar words in English. I don't know if that's something you can mention or if it's enough of a meta-excuse to justify a possible break with immersion, but it's something I thought I'd throw it out there for your consideration.

 

[Gryphos]

"B#$%H" (the word for a female dog).

It's okay, dear, you can say bitch.

But anyway, to answer your concern. Ehh, personally, I'm the kind of reader who this would really annoy (if I spoke German, I mean). It would pull me out of the story and break immersion instantly, and I would probably spend the next few hours thinking about it on and off. I would suggest just ditching the joke, but other people might have different views.

 

[Terry Greer]

Personally I'm like Gryphos - I find gimmicks (like the blank pages mentioned) in writing really off-putting and annoying - but then I'm no fan of the writing in the Twilight series) - it's almost like the author is having fun, but the reader isn't. ( I don't count the Buffy example as that's good old fashioned misdirection - and I'm happy with that).

When it comes to misheard words though I think you also have to consider what happens if your story is ever translated to another language - any mistaken overheard word then becomes more problematic to translate. I'f you're happy with that then just do it. But like Gryphos unless the book is intended to be a full on comedy i'd also suggest ditching the joke.