POV, Names and Descriptors

[Ireth]

Try looking at the rescuers from your POV's encounters with them. If he hasn't seen them, ever, before the rescue, how do they first interact/react in that moment. Does one of them fire a warning shot into his favorite pillow? Call him a name? There you have "Jerk" and "Potty Mouth".

Maybe he can learn their names, real or nick names, if the hostage calls at them.

He's seen the elves exactly once before, and the humans not at all. The POV character was too busy freaking out over his dying friend to pay much attention to the elves besides Vidar, who was the first one to come forward and help. Vidar is also the one who, in this scene, fires a warning shot and earns the nickname "coward"; that's the point I'm stuck at. Also, if the hostage isn't unconscious by the time the rescuers get there (depending on what I do in the next draft), he'll almost certainly be gagged after the POV character is done ranting at him and listening to his "excuses".

 

[Guru Coyote]

Addison, you have good points. The trick for this scene (I imagine) is to do both though: to describe what is going on from the POV character's personality... and yet ALSO let the reader know who is doing what. There needs to be a way for the reader to map the POV names/descriptions/nicks to the characters we already know from earlier chapters. (you did say the rescurers are established characters, Ireth?)

 

[Ireth]

There needs to be a way for the reader to map the POV names/descriptions/nicks to the characters we already know from earlier chapters. (you did say the rescurers are established characters, Ireth?)

The elves and Björn are, but Ardghal, Ãstriðr and Arnbjörg have not yet been introduced (though I'm thinking of remedying that with a scene added between two earlier ones). This is meant as the latter two's Establishing Character Moment, risking their lives to confront the Fae and rescue their kinsman.

 

[Addison]

Right now I'm getting a feeling that the captor is a jerk. Like he has a grudge or vendetta against elves. Every person I know, however few, who has a thing against people with ethnic differences has some choice names for them. Obviously I'm not close with these people. But if the captor does have something against elves maybe that can give you some ideas for names.

 

[Ireth]

Right now I'm getting a feeling that the captor is a jerk. Like he has a grudge or vendetta against elves. Every person I know, however few, who has a thing against people with ethnic differences has some choice names for them. Obviously I'm not close with these people. But if the captor does have something against elves maybe that can give you some ideas for names.

It's not elves he has the vendetta against, it's humans. He hasn't got a clue what elves are, since these are the first he's ever seen. All he knows is that they're a little like Fae, but not really, and that they're friends with the humans he has a grudge against.

 

[Alex Beecroft]

What I do is to have my POV character mentally give them names because of something they do, say or look like. I wouldn't go for descriptions that include a 'the'. It's too monotonous to have lots of people only known as 'the [whatever].

The first blond through the door could be Blondie. If one's got a sword and one's got a knife they can be Sword-guy and Knife-guy (or Sword-hand and Knife-hand if you're going for Fantasy Epic Speak). One guy sneers at the torturer - he's Sneer from that moment on. One shouts "No!" at the sight that greets him inside the torture chamber - he's Loudmouth.

Instead of calling your one guy 'the coward' alongside 'the sneak', 'the archer' and 'the one with purple eyes,' you call them Coward, Sneak, Archer and Violet, and it's much easier to follow. Temporary names for the win.

 

[Ireth]

What I do is to have my POV character mentally give them names because of something they do, say or look like. I wouldn't go for descriptions that include a 'the'. It's too monotonous to have lots of people only known as 'the [whatever].

The first blond through the door could be Blondie. If one's got a sword and one's got a knife they can be Sword-guy and Knife-guy (or Sword-hand and Knife-hand if you're going for Fantasy Epic Speak). One guy sneers at the torturer - he's Sneer from that moment on. One shouts "No!" at the sight that greets him inside the torture chamber - he's Loudmouth.

Instead of calling your one guy 'the coward' alongside 'the sneak', 'the archer' and 'the one with purple eyes,' you call them Coward, Sneak, Archer and Violet, and it's much easier to follow. Temporary names for the win.

Well, I've mentioned above that not every physical descriptor is unique enough to serve as a nickname in itself. There are four blonds in the group (who all arrive at basically the same time, though only seven are visible). Five of the eight have swords, two are archers (one of the latter being Vidar "the coward"), and one is unarmed. There are also two with violet eyes, Vidar and his father Birgir. Also, minor note, it's not so much a "torture chamber" as a "torture clearing in the woods".

 

[Addison]

So they come crashing through the brush? So maybe you can nick-name them on a tree they jump from, a berry smeared on their face or something.

 

[Ireth]

Well, it's the middle of winter, so there aren't any berries left. The tree-names thing is feasible, though. ^^

 

[Addison]

Winter? Ice! If one of them slips on ice, "Slippy", they belly-slide down a snowy hill, "penguin", a big one comes crashing through the branches, "Yeti".

 

[Ireth]

Winter? Ice! If one of them slips on ice, "Slippy", they belly-slide down a snowy hill, "penguin", a big one comes crashing through the branches, "Yeti".

I'll keep that in mind for the next draft. ^^ I've already made progress in this one, and since this draft is longhand, it's trickier to edit without erasing big chunks at a time or scribbling in the margins. I like my drafts neat and legible. Notes are for post-its. ^^

 

[Addison]

Love post-its. ^^ Except when they fall off.

I'm trying a new editing process, one of four steps.

1. Edit as I go. I write so much one day, the next day, before I write, I go over what I wrote. When I've gotten to the end, it's my first draft.

2. After spending time away from it I read it on the computer from beginning to end. This becomes my second draft. (I save each draft separately)

3. Giving space to the second draft I print out the story (by chapters, otherwise it costs a fortune and a heart attack on windy days) i read it, make comments, doodles and sarcastic notes. I go back and follow the notes. This is my third draft.

4. I print it out again, or by computer (printed's better for me), and read it aloud. Either to my kid brother, wall, cereal, dog, my reflection. Just aloud to hear how it sounds. If there's a part that drags, where I stumble or yawn, I make a note and fix it.

Try it out. Works great...I'm only on step 3 but it's terrific so far.