Receiving critiques has grown more difficult

[Jabrosky]

Lately it seems that I have a hard time taking constructive criticism of my writing well. I feel especially slighted if reviewers' comments are completely negative and don't note anything positive about my work. Intellectually I know that I should receive criticism graciously, that I need it to improve, and that I shouldn't expect ass-pats all the time, but deep inside I flare up with defensive sentiments. Of course most writers know how painful it feels to have their egos bruised, but I believe I take it more personally than most because my writing skills are among my few personal strengths.

The fundamental issue is probably that I suffer from a very fragile ego. All my life people have corrected me, scolded me, or shunned me for my various weaknesses (especially my poor social skills), so I need to believe that I can excel at something and contribute something to the world to keep myself going. I want more than anything for people to accept and respect me, and the only way I can earn that is to accomplish something that they will appreciate. Since I've always had a strong creative impulse, I might as well exploit that in order to prove my worth to the world.

I don't know if I'll ever win this struggle. I have a horrible track record when it comes to finishing projects, and every piece of writing I do produce has tons of things wrong with it. My parents tell me I'm a good writer and claim to enjoy my stories (or rather their opening scenes) but I believe they're lying to make me feel good. On the other hand, if I don't have any reason to feel confident or proud of myself, I see little reason to continue with my life.

EDIT: OK, in case anyone gets too concerned about my life, I will not kill myself. I simply needed to get something bothering me off my chest. In fact the very act of writing that out was cathartic; now I feel a little better.

 

[Ankari]

Hello Jabrosky,

Short version: Enjoy the journey. Cliche, I know. Read on.

No one is born naturally skilled at anything. No one can claim they are. As a youth (damn it, I can't believe I using that word) I participated in many team sports. I sucked at EVERYTHING. Basketball, baseball, football, and soccer. I sucked at them all. The thing that kept me going through my time my training was that i set a goal. I picked a person and promised myself that within a certain time I would be better than that person. Every time I succeeded I rejoiced. Every time I didn't, I gritted my teeth and renewed my efforts.

Now I'm 32. I'm not a professional sports athlete. But I don't regret anything that I've done from my youth. I still play sports recreationally. I still have the skills that I learned from back then. The most important thing I took away from my time was this: Don't give up. That is the biggest lesson, the most powerful skill I learned. And determination is a skill. The thing about determination is that it is easy to let it go. You need to grasp it like a hot coal and squeeze. You'll end up with a flawless diamond eventually.

 

[Jabrosky]

The thing that kept me going through my time my training was that i set a goal. I picked a person and promised myself that within a certain time I would be better than that person.

Actually I remember having a similar goal like this a few years back. I wanted to write better than certain popular fantasy authors. Unfortunately I have since forgotten about that goal, but maybe I should reread those authors in order to have someone to compare myself favorably to.

 

[Penpilot]

What you get out of something is what you get out of it. If you put your best foot forward and give it your all, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Since we're sharing stories about youth and skill etc. Here's mine. I've never been a natural athlete. I've never picked up a sport and just excelled. The two things I had going for me, one I have great coordination, two I try to work harder and smarter than anyone else. My sport of choice, hockey, not pro but just beer league. Through the years, all that effort translated in to me surpassing a lot of my contemporaries. People I haven't see in years, get caught off guard because they don't realize I kept working and getting better.

The process may be slow, but if you keep working hard and working smart, you'll get somewhere. There are a lot of things you can't control, but the one thing you can is effort and the belief that you will get better. A journey of a thousand miles starts with he first step.

Good luck. [/cliches]

 

[ThinkerX]

For what little it might be worth, I find much of your writing to be fairly good.

 

[Philip Overby]

Critiques are just that: critiques. It's not the end of the world if someone doesn't like your writing. I don't want to discourage you, but if your writing is put out there in the world, there are going to be people that don't like it. The sooner you can learn to deal with that the better. I used to have a somewhat fragile ego as well, but I've learned that I just have to write what I like and hope there is an audience for it.

The sooner you realize that not everyone is going to like your writing, the better. I haven't read any of your stuff, but I think you have interesting concepts. Just write something and stick with it.

Also, if you have critique partners that only say negative stuff, you need new critique partners. A good critique partner helps you temper your writing. Meaning finding positive things in it to make stronger, and finding weaker parts and helping the author figure out how to fix them.

I recommend this: take all your projects and put them in one file. Go through them one by one and think of what is good and bad about each one. Whichever one you think has the most good points, take it aside and start working on it. Leave all those other projects in that file and don't look at them again until you finish your main project.

 

[MamaZia]

I have the same problem. I want to be approved but get easily discouraged when critiqued. I have a habit of running away from my problems so when my story doesn't feel right or it has been nit-picked, I tend to drop it. I have so many "beginning scenes" that have never gone anywhere. I am just now trying again after taking a few years off. I'm attempting to keep an open mind regarding criticism so that I can grow and develop my skill. I suppose it is all we can do, as writers. Take it with a grain of salt and press on! Good luck to you.

 

[Philip Overby]

If you write for fun, then yeah, you don't have to worry with critiques as much. Just write and have fun with it. However, if you look at any of your favorite authors' books on Amazon, you can probably find a bunch of negative reviews. But why? He/She is a genius? Well, suffice to say, not everyone likes the same stuff. And it's reflected in criticism and reviews. If you don't handle criticism well and don't intend to change your perspective, then it can become a soul-crushing effort.

For Jabrosky, I'd suggest finding one or two critique partners you trust and get along with, who understand you need a more delicate approach and then stick with them. It'll help avoid negativity you are receiving elsewhere and may help you deal with gaining confidence as well.

 

[gavintonks]

I think the moral of this story is perception
1 - you perceive your writing to be a strength [which is great and nothing wrong here]
2 - you perceive criticism as a threat
a - criticism is an opinion and from the people here a desire to help [that cannot be bad can it?]
b - if you wish to be the best at what you want how do you up the bar without removing the negative criticism from your writing? [when I started writing for my client he sent my work to everyone and his dog, and of course everyone has an opinion, I changed my perception embraced what they were saying and now they accept the stuff without question. For a person to put energy into a response means you have created an energy for them to respond. I believe I have hit the mark with 50/ 50 love and hate because I have 100 response . I absolutely am suspicious with too much flattery usually means the work is not read

The only test of an author is genuine sales and how the public responds. The public are the ones we are ultimately pitching too, but having an opinion of your peers especially such a varied bunch is important, it is also a litmus test as their response is a gauge.

The story must be separated by
1 - the written vehicle and the rules of language which is important
2 - your own idea and story and how it hangs together and its entertainment value
3 - the originality and put down value [can you put it down or not?]
4 - the logical story and emotive response to the reader

Based on these basic principles of a crit it is easy to sort out the value of response and what your work needs. I do not think many people appreciate Voster's crits in terms of language and sentence construction, I have found few with his relative insight and attention to detail.

Do the question is why are you finding fault with peoples opinion?
What is wrong with them having the opinion if you have asked for it in the first place?
How does this opinion affect your work, if you analysis what they are saying are you prepared to embrace their opinion or not?
The million dollar question is how many people [potential readers] share this opinion and are you prepared to take a chance with it?

The bottom line is people are not taught objectivity and the realization that people are not out to destroy you,but have a genuine desire to help. There are another 999 999 999 people out there the same as you which one is going to have their work read?
The world is unforgiving and people are spiteful by nature but I honestly do not think for a minute that people have ill intent in terms of communicating an opinion just to be nasty and negative

 

[shangrila]

I had a similar problem and, honestly, it's probably still around. I got defensive whenever someone criticised something I did, often going the complete opposite just to prove them wrong.

The only advice I can give you is to take it and use it. If you can recognise on an intellectual level that it's needed, then try to curb your emotions and look at it in a purely clinical way. What didn't they like about it? Is it valid (omgz yur stori sux doesn't count, for instance)? Use it to improve your writing or just cast it aside. Always remember that it IS needed. The difference between getting some criticism and none at all is basically the two seperate Star Wars trilogy. The older ones, Lucas had help. The more recent ones were just him. And there's no real argument as to which is better.

At the end of the day though, this is something that you'll have to overcome yourself. You can read what everyone on here writes and you might find it helpful, but there won't be some magic switch that makes you totally open to negative comments. Everyone does things differently so try something and see if it helps you. Eventually you'll get it.

 

[Caged Maiden]

I just want to put something out there:

I'm not sure how negative your critiques have been, but this is not a business for the faint of heart. You have to have the fortitude to accept really harsh criticism. I don't know what kind of comments you've heard, but I think most people here try very hard to be kind, yet thorough. That's really the best you can do for someone you're trying to help.

I cringe when I see a writer fire back after a critique, because truly, that critiquer has just spent two hours of their time to type a little help to the writer, and it's not even appreciated. That burns.

When we read our words, they invoke images, feelings, and scenes that we are probably in love with. Sometimes, for other people, it reads like a cluttered bunch of unclear sentences, with multiple tense and POV switches that jar them from enjoying even the concept. I read plenty of excerpts I cannot even comment on, because the writing is so weak, I'm at a loss for helpful things to say, so take it as positive, that people are critiquing you. I don't get many people weighing in on my work either.

Taking criticism is a part of writing, or any art. If you're a long-jumper, you know when you're the best. As artists, it's too subjective to make any sense. There are famous authors who can't write their way out of a wet paper bag, and there are hugely talented people whose work will never see the light of day. Is it fair? No.

Lots of people say, "I've finished two novels, and I'm..." But, the reality is, if you haven't edited your work (had critiques, cut the fat, improved the weak areas, and written your synopsis and query), you haven't finished anything. You have a raw manuscript. It's not ready to be considered by an gent or publisher. To finish it, most people probably need several thorough critiques by hard-to-please people. That way, even if the writer ignores the advice, they have plenty to consider. I'm always wary of anyone who says, "That's great, just as it is." Makes me think they didn't even bother to read it.

@ Jabrosky: If you're getting sidetracked, lost, or losing interest, try moving to short stories. It sounds like people like the beginnings, but then maybe you sort of lose your way. That's an excellent reason to try short stories. You might find it helps build your confidence, because you actually complete them. Novels are hard, they take planning, and a commitment. I hear tell, Phil has a short story challenge here: http://mythicscribes.com/forums/challenges/5345-crush-your-soul-30-day-endurance-challenge.html

Best wishes. Keep writing, and ease up a little on the people trying to offer their time and help. Even if you hate their advice, you should probably thank them for their time

 

[The Dark One]

If someone is negatively critical of my work, my response will be to ascertain that they did actually get what I was trying to achieve. If they did, then maybe I didn't do it very well and I need to think about that. If they didn't, then maybe I didn't adequately convey what I was trying to convey.

Of course, sometimes it's just a matter of taste, but you should have got an idea of a reviewer's taste before you give it to them.

If someone is genuine about wanting to help you and they seem to know what they're talking about, then their critique is a gift and on some level or other is likely to be helpful.

 

[ncpendergast]

I hear you. That sounds a lot like myself, it's almost a little scary (minus the supportive parents - mine are my biggest haters).

Yeah, critique hurts. So be it.

But here's the thing: If you really want to write, have to write - and I'd say you probably do, from what you're writing here - writing is what you will do, whether anyone likes it or not. Besides, you don't have to prove anything to anyone (I know we all think we have to, but we don't).

So. Go for it. Write. (Oh, and draw.)

Edit: P.S.: @ Caged Maiden: Second that. Excellent points.

 

[JCFarnham]

Besides, you don't have to prove anything to anyone (I know we all think we have to, but we don't).

This is perhaps the only mantra I ever need.

I hope this doesn't come across as egotistical because I'm not that guy, but I don't enjoy proving myself. I know I'm a nice guy, I know I'm not going to ruin someone's life on purpose, and I'm happy with that. I didn't enjoy my time on job seekers allowance, because I was proving myself with little to no return. That isn't fun.

By nature you want something back from writing. I love it when people say "Yeah, I kind of enjoyed that." Hell, I'll even take a "I like what you did in that one line". The thing we have to remember is that a lot of critiquers know that good feedback does little to improve an ms. I know some people here at Mythic Scribes will stick to the negative on purpose, and specifically do so because they enjoyed the story and want to see it improve into something that can get you a bit of recognition, and get you one step close to being the successful writer. So if you get only negative, regardless of the intention that person is wanting to help you for a reason. Consider that

In life you do have to watch out for those who want you to be something else because that's what they are. You are your own person, you are your own writer. You don't need to, and probably shouldn't write like everyone else.

 

[ncpendergast]

This is perhaps the only mantra I ever need.

Haha, glad you like it.

In life you do have to watch out for those who want you to be something else because that's what they are. You are your own person, you are your own writer. You don't need to, and probably shouldn't write like everyone else.

Exactly.

Justified critique aside, this whole business of trying to prove one's worth in the eyes of others is IMHO quite detrimental to the writing process. It's basically a form of people-pleasing, and we all know where that leads.

I'm not saying you (and that means everyone, including myself) shouldn't care, quite the contrary. Do your very best, and then improve on it. Accept the critique, however hurtful -- take your time -- but sift out those parts that don't make any sense to you. Maybe they will in the future, because you weren't ready to understand them yet for lack of knowledge or pactice; maybe they never will, because they don't fit you. And as Caged Maiden said, always be nice to the critics, even the nasty ones. You can swear at them where no one can hear you.

There. *steps off her soapbox*

(Sorry for my stilted writing lately, I've been reading too much H.P. Lovecraft.)

 

[JCFarnham]

(Sorry for my stilted writing lately, I've been reading too much H.P. Lovecraft.)

One can never read too much Lovecraft

 

[ncpendergast]

One can never read too much Lovecraft

Hehe, true. We should resurrect the man and make him write more.