The Only 10 Must Follow Rules Every Writer Needs

[Philip Overby]

Sorry, but I felt I needed to bring your attention to the fact that I've now clearly defined splatter-elf, the only "dark" genre that is clearly defined. If you would like to write a story in this genre, please check with me first to make sure you're writing it right. If you don't write it correctly, I'll send you an email saying, "You are not a splatter-elf author. Please try again in 30 days."

Thank you.

(Click my signature if you want the skinny. Don't want Mythic Scribes to get Google-whacked for duplicate content.)

 

[Mythopoet]

Has anyone yet suggested an explosion of cats? For instance, imagine a volatile magical substance which when exposed to too much heat will explode, resulting in the spontaneous creation of a horde of cats flying through the air in all directions. It could be called the Schrodinger Solution.

 

[Chessie]

^^ That would be super adorable. Here, kitty!

 

[James Chandler]

I can think of no reason (other than the fact this post is motivated in large part by lack of sleep) why bloodsplat could not also be a sug-genre of grimdark. A cross-over of bloodsplat and splatterelf would open the door to some very subtle and nuanced commentary on grimdark as a whole. Like, what if troll blood was actually sand? Metaphors about time and life in the midst of all that death... breathtaking. I see promise here. We need to organize a workshop. I will take reservations for a small deposit of only $300. We will need to keep the class sizes down to about 78 or the price will need to be raised from $2800 to $5500 per participant, plus reading fees, of course.

 

[psychotick]

Hi,

Brilliant! Only thing is schrodinger solution is too much of a mouthful. I'd simply call it a cat bomb. But you could take the idea further. By squeezing more cats into a tighter space and adding a handle you could create a throwing version - say a cat grenade or catenade. Bury them underground with a trigger and you have a cat mine. (Air supply might be an issue.) And while we're at it has anyone thought of stuffing a cat own a missile tube and firing it. Just think of the impact of a flaming Miss Miggins coming at an elf soldier at five hundred miles an hour, claws extended! The catzooka would be a terror weapon!

Cheers, Greg.

 

[Zero Angel]

This is sounding more and more like a frenetic anime. In fact, I'm surprised I haven't seen this already...

 

[Ravana]

"Kagekensai Nekogyakusatsuyosei Ball Z Baka"? You haven't seen that one yet?

Guess it didn't get a lot of circulation, since it's hentai.…

 

[SeverinR]

So a best seller:
Cats armed with at least 10 weapons speaking their own language, talking to themselves more then to anyone else, dodging explosions and explosives all over the place, trying to save the splatter elves, a breed of non-violent artistic elves that suffer from hemophilia, from extinction from explosive hairballs?