The problem with pronouns

[Ireth]

I have a WIP that features an intergender MC who uses the pronoun "they". In getting critique on a preliminary query letter I wrote (mostly for the purpose of helping nail down the plot and conflict), I've noticed a lot of people are confused about the "they" pronoun (understandable, since it is also a plural pronoun), and very often misgender my MC as either male or female (less understandable, since their gender identity is spelled out in the first sentence of the query). I deliberately chose their first name, Loren, because it is not specifically masculine or feminine.

So what can I do? I will not make Loren either male or female, because that would defeat the whole purpose of their emotional conflict and coming to terms with their own identity as intergender. Plus I really want to see more non-binary characters in fiction, even if I get flak for writing one when I'm a cisgender/binary female and don't have a lot of life experience with non-binary people. I also don't want to use made-up pronouns like "xe/xir" or "ze/zir", because that not only looks awkward, it also isn't true to Loren as a character. They chose the "they" pronoun on their own.

 

[Gryphos]

I'm having a similar dilemma with one of my characters who, while not being specifically intergender, is basically a god who doesn't have any gender/whose gender is never revealed. And in a novel I'm planning there will be a human non-binary character.

I've decided, like you, just to use 'they'. While it may seem slightly awkward sometimes, I see it as the best option in a language which otherwise has no gender-neutral pronouns (other than 'it' of course, but for obvious reasons you shouldn't use that).

As to people having a problem with it? *shrug* There's really nothing you can do about that short of completely compromising the character.

 

[Ireth]

Exactly. The novel itself is in 1st person from Loren's POV, so at least I can use "I" instead of "they" throughout. But many agents frown upon using first person in queries. Guess I'll just have to stick to my guns about "they".

 

[MineOwnKing]

If you can make your query short enough you might be able to just use the name Loren once and get away with not using they.

I would not expect an agent to know something so obscure as the use of they. Even the word cisgender is very new.

 

[Ireth]

The problem there is that Loren isn't the only important person in the story. They work together with a man named Stephen to solve the problems of both. So quite often "they/them" shows up to refer to both Loren and Stephen, as well as just Loren. And I'm not sure how to work around that.

 

[MineOwnKing]

I would have to see the query.

If you want to pm me a sample I could try to reword it and see what you think.

 

[Ireth]

Thanks, MineOwnKing. I'll get that to you ASAP. ^^

 

[MineOwnKing]

Revamped query is completed.

 

[Ireth]

Revamped query is completed.

I see what you did there. XD

 

[Mythopoet]

I don't think they works in place of he or she in most sentences. It just sounds very jarring and would be likely to turn away readers. You could resort to just referring to Loren by name more often, like I did just there.

 

[Ireth]

True, but going the opposite direction would sound even more jarring to me. Compare this:

"Loren crossed their legs as they flipped through the book on the table."

to this:

"Loren crossed Loren's legs as Loren flipped through the book on the table."

Frankly, the first reads much smoother to me, uncommon pronoun or no.

 

[Devor]

The singular, non-gendered "they" is actually an old practice that has been in constant use since before the modern gender/PC situation. I used to use it sometimes before it started to feel a little like a social statement.

A halfway decent editor or agent should be aware of it.

Still, it works colloquially, but it would quickly get confusing in a novel. I personally think we should just consider "guy" to be gender-neutral, since there really isn't a good option and that's kind of lame.

And as they say, if you have to explain yourself, cut it, especially in something as short as a query letter. I wouldn't suggest using they like that in a novel, but I would flatly avoid it in a query when you don't have the space to set up context.

 

[Ireth]

It's not an issue in the novel, as I said, because it's in first person and Loren is the MC/narrator. And in a query, I don't think it's that hard to say "Loren is intersex and uses the pronoun 'they'." Which is what I was doing in the first place.

 

[Devor]

And in a query, I don't think it's that hard to say "Loren is intersex and uses the pronoun 'they'." Which is what I was doing in the first place.

A query letter isn't about fitting in the information. It's a sales document. You need to present a vividly clear picture of the character and the conflict while building momentum and intrigue, in a tiny handful of words.

Loren is intersex and uses the pronoun 'they'.

That only tells me a name and a gender - and to be honest, I have to stop and think, "Okay, which one is intersex again?" (I just googled it, and it wasn't even the one I was expecting, to the point where I'm wondering if you're using the right word?)

On the other hand,

Loren struggles to adapt socially as an intersex individual and must find a way to fit in as neither a he or a she, but a 'they.'

Something like that might work if and only if the gender is a big part in the primary source of conflict. But I don't think that's the case, is it? Because if it's not, you're wasting words.

 

[Ireth]

I didn't mean I was literally using those words, but that was the point I was trying to get across. Loren's gender doesn't feature into the external conflict, but it does play a role in their character development and interactions with the primary supporting character. I wouldn't feel right leaving it out, as the main reason I chose to create an intersex character in the first place is to represent that portion of humanity. Leaving out Loren's gender seems like a disservice.

And yes, intersex is exactly the word I want to use. Loren is True Gonadal Intersex, as described here: https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001669.htm

 

[Devor]

I didn't mean I was literally using those words, but that was the point I was trying to get across. Loren's gender doesn't feature into the external conflict, but it does play a role in their character development and interactions with the primary supporting character. I wouldn't feel right leaving it out, as the main reason I chose to create an intersex character in the first place is to represent that portion of humanity. Leaving out Loren's gender seems like a disservice.

I didn't mean to suggest leaving out the gender. But, I think you should spend only as many words on establishing that gender as in proportion to its place as a source of conflict and growth in the prose. I think it's likely you have more to lose than to gain by spending time explaining the character's pronoun.

And yes, intersex is exactly the word I want to use. Loren is True Gonadal Intersex, as described here: https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001669.htm

I must be getting some of your characters mixed up. I apologize if I've made it awkward.

 

[Ireth]

I didn't mean to suggest leaving out the gender. But, I think you should spend only as many words on establishing that gender as in proportion to its place as a source of conflict and growth in the prose. I think it's likely you have more to lose than to gain by spending time explaining the character's pronoun.

That's what I've been trying to do, but it's difficult. Loren's gender and their feelings of "dancing on edges" are presented as a parallel to the supporting character, Stephen, who feels the same way about his ancestry (half human, half vampire). It's the reason they become friends and the way they support each other emotionally throughout the book. The main conflict involves the two of them digging into their town's history to get at the roots of the law-enforced human-vampire divide and the reason why Stephen's ancestry makes him an outcast. Loren, as a human (and literally Stephen's only friend), is able to do things and access resources that Stephen can't, which is why Stephen needs Loren's help, thus justifying Loren as the MC.

I must be getting some of your characters mixed up. I apologize if I've made it awkward.

Now I'm wondering what other characters of mine you may have confused Loren with. I do have hermaphroditic merfolk in another of my novels, but that's a whole other story (and they aren't the MC's of that story, either).

 

[ThinkerX]

SF novel I read not to long ago used 'shem' for an indeterminate gender type.

 

[Ireth]

*nod* I too have an agender friend who uses "she", mainly out of convenience. Loren looks androgynous, is equally comfortable in "female" clothes as well as "male"*, and is insistent about people using the right pronoun, to the point that they'll lead with it during introductions to new people: "Hi. Name's Loren, pronoun's they." The main supporting character (a man) initially calls Loren "miss" before the two actually introduce themselves; after that he uses Loren's name, or the nickname "kid".

*I started calling them "genderfluid" at first, before I became aware of the better-fitting term "intergender".

 

[Tom]

Referencing Loren by name continously, as someone suggested, would become repetitive. It's like having two characters of the same gender interacting, and having to keep referencing them by name instead of pronoun. "Sarah said", "Amy responded", etc. It gets a little old.

I would suggest just sticking to your guns with this one. Perhaps in your query you should explain the use of "they"; some people just might be unaware that it's a common pronoun for non-binary individuals and find it jarring simply because they don't expect it. Being genderfluid and having identified for a time as non-binary, I have some experience with the confusion using "they" as your personal pronoun can lead to. Usually once I explained it, though, people were willing to use and accept it. It was only the unfamiliar use of the pronoun that threw them off initially.

On a less objective note, I believe it boils down somewhat to gender politics, in that non-binary individuals are all too often erased in our culture. Thus most people are familiar with "they" as the English language's plural pronoun, and not as a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Which it does function as! "They" is the technically correct English gender-neutral pronoun, and has been for much of the history of our language. I've heard some people assert that English as a language reinforces the gender binary, but to claim that you have to ignore "they".